superario
Well-known member
I apologize for posting another thread but the question is on my mind.
Have any of you experienced some kind of meltdown, or "tantrum" almost due to your OCD? I'm almost talking about some kind of sensory overload (think autism) where you just shut down and need to take some time, whether it be a few minutes or longer, to just calm yourself down. Like an anxiety attack I guess, is a better word for it. My cousin and I called them "episodes".
I realize that the stresses from having psychological issues as well as dealing with everyday life can be quite exhausting and can give people moodswings, etc. I know that sometimes I can get a little cranky when my OCD's been bugging me. But there have been a few times in the past where I've had to throw complete fits because I'm just so frustrated and upset about something. I know it's completely irrational, which makes me even more angry because I feel like an idiot for doing it. Every now and then (mostly when I'm alone), if I can't automatically get some relief or instant gratification from doing a compulsive act or whatever, I'll tear up and just whine for a second or two. Usually I can calm myself down by taking deep breathes and telling myself to get over it, since normal people don't have these kinds of problems.
But there has been the situation where so many things happen and I've built up a lot of saved stress and then I just blow. I can recall a time where my cousin witnessed an episode of mine. It was probably the worst one I ever had. We were on my brother's computer in his room while he was away, probably at work. This is years ago. I know a lot of little things were bothering me (it's the little things you gotta worry about, when they pile up on you) and there was one significant event that was the last straw. I remember she was taking her turn using the computer and I accidentally knocked over a random deodorant stick that my brother had on his desk. I don't really know what it was about the whole event, but something sparked this sudden tantrum that is just so embarrassing to even think about.
I was moved to tears and remember that at some point I was on the floor, just completely lost, cut off from reality. I was having an episode where I could do nothing but just cry and cry and cry, bawl my eyes out and lay there pathetic like a toddler. I know I had my cousin frightened and worried because she kept asking me if I was okay. But I wasn't. Sure, the fit ended after a while but still after that I just felt so exhausted...
And there was another time I remember that I broke down in front of people. I was at school. This was in middle school when I had diagnosed myself with OCD (before I got a real one). My friends knew about my "condition". During one free play event my friend spun around. One of my habits is making sure that when one thing goes one way, it comes back around the same way. For instance, if you're doing a funky dance and the moves call for you to twirl yourself, you have to twirl back. Even if it's not in the dance. You just have to do it. If you walk into a classroom a certain way, walking around the tables, you have to walk the same way when you leave so as the "clear the air" so to speak. If you don't do it, then it's all wrong and I have no idea how to explain it, but I just get this weird feeling that if you don't just clear yourself from where you've been, you're leaving behind something you need to finish. It's like feeling the need to make things equal. I don't know.
Anyway, I'm rambling. My friend spun one way but didn't spin the other. I calmly asked her to spin the other way around to make things equal and we could move on. She knew I had OCD, and refused to do it. I wasn't being bossy or anything, at least not in my eyes. I was just pleading and begging her to just do it. I was getting so frustrated, I was raising my voice. I felt humiliated. On the playground practically stomping my feet to get my friend to just spin in a circle. But I couldn't help it, it had to be done or else. I got so upset that I just got so incredibly mad at her for not doing it for me and ended up leaving and just crying about it. My other friend told the girl she should have just done it because of my OCD but of course I eventually got over it.
Sometimes I just get so upset about something I have to stop what I'm doing, let it all out. Whether it means throwing myself onto the floor or whatever.
I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this.
I feel kind of ridiculous, you know.
Have any of you experienced some kind of meltdown, or "tantrum" almost due to your OCD? I'm almost talking about some kind of sensory overload (think autism) where you just shut down and need to take some time, whether it be a few minutes or longer, to just calm yourself down. Like an anxiety attack I guess, is a better word for it. My cousin and I called them "episodes".
I realize that the stresses from having psychological issues as well as dealing with everyday life can be quite exhausting and can give people moodswings, etc. I know that sometimes I can get a little cranky when my OCD's been bugging me. But there have been a few times in the past where I've had to throw complete fits because I'm just so frustrated and upset about something. I know it's completely irrational, which makes me even more angry because I feel like an idiot for doing it. Every now and then (mostly when I'm alone), if I can't automatically get some relief or instant gratification from doing a compulsive act or whatever, I'll tear up and just whine for a second or two. Usually I can calm myself down by taking deep breathes and telling myself to get over it, since normal people don't have these kinds of problems.
But there has been the situation where so many things happen and I've built up a lot of saved stress and then I just blow. I can recall a time where my cousin witnessed an episode of mine. It was probably the worst one I ever had. We were on my brother's computer in his room while he was away, probably at work. This is years ago. I know a lot of little things were bothering me (it's the little things you gotta worry about, when they pile up on you) and there was one significant event that was the last straw. I remember she was taking her turn using the computer and I accidentally knocked over a random deodorant stick that my brother had on his desk. I don't really know what it was about the whole event, but something sparked this sudden tantrum that is just so embarrassing to even think about.
I was moved to tears and remember that at some point I was on the floor, just completely lost, cut off from reality. I was having an episode where I could do nothing but just cry and cry and cry, bawl my eyes out and lay there pathetic like a toddler. I know I had my cousin frightened and worried because she kept asking me if I was okay. But I wasn't. Sure, the fit ended after a while but still after that I just felt so exhausted...
And there was another time I remember that I broke down in front of people. I was at school. This was in middle school when I had diagnosed myself with OCD (before I got a real one). My friends knew about my "condition". During one free play event my friend spun around. One of my habits is making sure that when one thing goes one way, it comes back around the same way. For instance, if you're doing a funky dance and the moves call for you to twirl yourself, you have to twirl back. Even if it's not in the dance. You just have to do it. If you walk into a classroom a certain way, walking around the tables, you have to walk the same way when you leave so as the "clear the air" so to speak. If you don't do it, then it's all wrong and I have no idea how to explain it, but I just get this weird feeling that if you don't just clear yourself from where you've been, you're leaving behind something you need to finish. It's like feeling the need to make things equal. I don't know.
Anyway, I'm rambling. My friend spun one way but didn't spin the other. I calmly asked her to spin the other way around to make things equal and we could move on. She knew I had OCD, and refused to do it. I wasn't being bossy or anything, at least not in my eyes. I was just pleading and begging her to just do it. I was getting so frustrated, I was raising my voice. I felt humiliated. On the playground practically stomping my feet to get my friend to just spin in a circle. But I couldn't help it, it had to be done or else. I got so upset that I just got so incredibly mad at her for not doing it for me and ended up leaving and just crying about it. My other friend told the girl she should have just done it because of my OCD but of course I eventually got over it.
Sometimes I just get so upset about something I have to stop what I'm doing, let it all out. Whether it means throwing myself onto the floor or whatever.
I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this.
I feel kind of ridiculous, you know.
