OCD about sex,personal stuff, weird thoughts

[Falkor]

Hello there everybody,

I get very uncomfortable mostly.. Cuz I associate everything with ''sex, personal stuff, weird thoughts, etc ''
Everytime in class, when teacher is telling something, I associate it with weird stuff. I can't stop getting embarrassed by my thoughts and facial expressions.
Why the F is this happening to me? Am I getting paranoid?
With every subject I am thinking oh no.. there i'm going again...
and I'm getting all a blanc scared face and there are only guys in the classroom and theyre all staring at me, like that they know what i'm thinking about (I wish I could knock those weird thoughts out)...
I can't stand it... Everytime when this happens to me, I want to run away and escape and lock myself up in the toilet. Happened some times before.
I feel like everybody can read my mind... by my facial expressions...

I'm soooooo scared right now.... I feel on the edge of fainting and I wish I could run nowwwwww...

Normally i take sleeping pills or xanax,oxazepam, valerian etc... to relax through the class... but now i didn't take anything and here i go again...

i hate my mind.. i never told this to anybody... Should I tell this to my therapist?

 

[Falkor]

Also sometimes this happened in the past;

I was afraid one of my councelors would think I've fallen in love with him, I never did.. I'm 100 % gay... But he always looked at me, and I was afraid that I would feel uncomfortable around him.. and yup, it happened... I was getting uncomfortable like a shy butterflied girl would be... WTF
My councelor asked me to visit his office, i told him no.... sorry, i won't..
just because i don't want to... WTF

Also, I used to have a good ffriend, and her bro was in love with me.
Everytime when I was sitting with her, and his parents. with the four of us.
I was sitting next to the brother, and he was smiling to me. I looked at his eyes and his dad looked at me and I was getting all red and uncomfortable.
His dad was looking at me like he would say ''óh so you are in love with him!''
later on the brother touched my shoulder just to say ''great you're here and i was getting all sweaty and i walked away from it.. and said sorry i cannot stand it longer
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM?

But also with same sex with happens...

There was this girl in class, everytime when I saw her I was blushing all time..
I needed to avoid her, but i couldn't. so i sat with her in the class for a whole year. but it was the most embarrassing this, cuz i was obviously in love with her (yes i was) and i was always listening to her favourite songs.. we were talking about music a lot... and then she was at my home and we heard this song on the tv... she was like, omg wow that's special. and i was so much focussed on the words of the singer ''I love you, you're beautiful blabla'' that I couldn't stand the words any longer, get blushy and so whoo.. so i asked her to go for a walk outside.. fresh air ....

Also if people get to close to me, i want to escape from the situaiton..
(just with the subject and words)

Also in group therapy, when they are playing music i have to turn around because the words are too much taking me away, and when they sing about ''painful stuff'' i start crying or look frightened like it is hurting me so much and i get so drowned in the song that i feel ashamed of my own emotions
blush ... and uncomfortable


also, with people, i'm afraid they will think i'm a phedodile (i am NOT.... but it's just my fear that people would think of me like that) or a racist.. (so that I will look angry to those people, why the H?)

and I just got an intense fear of people thinking i'm not normal..
but those thoughts are too weird to describe.. :/

What is this??

But mostly in classroom it's the most terrifying thing in the world..
To feel embarrassed ...

I feel a lil better writing this down though

 

[Falkor]

i do have a relationship now and i trust my girlfriend, so i'm not afraid of her.. just that i'm still so terrified in class of these thoughts.. i dont know..

 

[MikeyC]

I'm not an expert, but it sounds like anxiety around people you like and you can get easily embarrassed from situations involving sex or sexual talk. I agree with phocas: talk to your therapist about it. It might be nothing, but it's best to let them know.

 

[Falkor]

I'm not an expert, but it sounds like anxiety around people you like and you can get easily embarrassed from situations involving sex or sexual talk. I agree with phocas: talk to your therapist about it. It might be nothing, but it's best to let them know.

I don´t like them as being in love, just as a personal matter.
But I will contact my therapist, or just talk with her about it within the next session.. I´m somewhat frightened how she would react. Hopefully I won´t embarrass myself even worse. XD

but it´s good to discuss...

Thank you.

 

[EasySkanking]

Hey, sounds like you are having "Pure OCD" thoughts. These usually come from a traumatic experience that you had, something traumatizing that you saw... or just how you feel about something.

The way to fight this (and fix it) is to come to terms with what traumatized you (find a way to accept it) and change the thoughts that you are having into realistic original thoughts that **YOU** have - not thoughts that are over-dramatized and exaggerated.

Basically think why the things that the thoughts are telling you are wrong. For example, you might be having the thought:

"I should be attracted to males, because it's the way it's supposed to be. I am nobody if I don't like males" or "Males are hot, beautiful" (or some varation of thought that tells you something that **YOU** personally don't believe in.

So, then find evidence that says the otherwise and repeat yourself this evidence to change the thought, for example:

"I am lesbian, I'm not attracted to males. It is OKAY for me to not like males because I am lesbian - it's the way I am, it's the way God made me. I must accept myself, because otherwise I feel like crap"

And keep repeating yourself "the evidence" until your thoughts change to what you want them to be.

You gotta remember, your thoughts don't always necessarily agree with how you *truly* feel... which is why it causes such an upset. Some thoughts are more hurtful than others and some you can "just live with". The good thing is that you can change these thoughts to agree with how you really feel

Good luck!

 

[MikeyC]

I don´t like them as being in love, just as a personal matter.
But I will contact my therapist, or just talk with her about it within the next session.. I´m somewhat frightened how she would react. Hopefully I won´t embarrass myself even worse. XD

but it´s good to discuss...

Thank you.

You're welcome. Sorry I'm not much help.

 

[emre43]

I can relate to an extent, although this stuff never worried me in the classroom. It's around my family that I felt embarassed. I would go red and get out of the room as soon as possible if my family strted talking to me about girls I might like or potential girlfriends. I can remember being about 15 and we were in holiday in Moraira, Spain during the summer. We went out for a meal and I wore a long-sleeved hoodie. I was absolutely boiling but I didn't want to show any flesh. My nan said in front of my family "Take your jumper off; the girls will want to see your arms". I immediately ran off into the town away from my family because it embarassed and angered me so much.

I still get embarassed if my family brings up that sort of thing but I don't care if I show off any flesh anymore.