Notes on not being the "nice guy"

[A friend]

In my opinion, if women don't like you the way you are, then don't date them. Trying to change yourself in order to get a woman who doesn't initially like you will not end in happiness. Quite the opposite.

I've seen that kind of thing happen between the people I have met, and it is not a good experience.

 

[BlueDays]

express yourself by showing romantic moves
flirty risks. Friends don't do this, lovers do:
1. look into her eyes "too long"
- hold eye contact just slightly too long so she recognizes that you are a real man with her, a little ballsy. "Just friends" don't do that.
2. be decisive, and decide quickly
3. Winking
- very hard to do, out of the ordinary, but creates intimacy.
4. check her out
- women do want you to look at them, just don't do it in a way where you are objectifying them
- look at her eyes and in less than a second sweep down and look and back to her eyes and keep smiling. They notice, they see you are interested, but also you are still interested in being present with her and not just because she's pretty.
5. keep your body powerful
- find mental and physical ways to keep your posture good and seem powerful
6. compliment her
- talk about her looks, keep it personal, make her feel appreciated, that you notice her as a woman and that she's beautiful
- romance lives in details. notice her accessories, her smile, etc.
- find your own style of compliments that work for you and keep trying
7. whisper
- makes an intimate moment between you, draws personal space together

A fair amount of this information seems to be very subjective.
For example if a guy did some of the things listed above ^ they would creep me out!

In my opinion, if women don't like you the way you are, then don't date them. Trying to change yourself in order to get a woman who doesn't initially like you will not end in happiness. Quite the opposite.

I've seen that kind of thing happen between the people I have met, and it is not a good experience.

^ I think this is so true.

 

[Noop]

i always thought women to be robust and unclean tbh, there is no perfect women, even in my head. i wouldn't care much if a woman is hurt, it's none of my concern, they don't need rescuing.

i'll be nice to a girl, like anyone, but i don't care much if they like me or not, it's their choice to what they hold. women are nothing to me but humanoids with a sexual organ you may like to bonk.

btw, i express myself just fine, more then anyone and it don't help me, just out of time i think and also out of vogue.

 

[theslowesthand]

In my opinion, if women don't like you the way you are, then don't date them. Trying to change yourself in order to get a woman who doesn't initially like you will not end in happiness. Quite the opposite ... I've seen that kind of thing happen between the people I have met, and it is not a good experience.

As I mentioned in another thread (think it was "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are"), (imho) the key to effective self-change is to do it SUBTLY (ie TWEAK, not WREAK). The world is NOT a black-or-white place .. there is MUCH between sunrise and sunset.
I am unsure as to the degree of change the author intends his listeners to partake in. He intention seems to be for ALL (love-shy) guys to make ALL the necessary changes REGARDLESS of "how far away" they are from the "target". I think he mentioned that it might take months - that's good, do the changes gradually.
Another good thing that I would add, which the author possibly might not agree with, is just to TWEAK - and leave it at that (ie don't try to set about changing who your basic core personality is; ie if you're a "shy guy" then REMAIN being essentially a shy guy)

So, keeping the above in mind, this system CAN still be useful.
For instance, say you KNOW a girl "likes" you, but you're too shy to ever "progress" in the "romantic" (sex) sense. By applying some of this guy's cd in a SUBTLE way (which may or may not be the author's intention), which WON'T change your basic personality (who you are), it could allow you to maybe change a few minor beliefs & actions, resulting in gaining "progress" with her, eventually leading to a DATE. The changes you made to yourself would have been only minor TWEAKS to your personality, but these minor tweaks have allowed a MAJOR progression to take place (ie a first date .. which could very well turn into a successful long-term relationship).
Edit: In terms of the quoted part by A friend in need, in the above example, say that this woman does initially like you. So the problem isn't about the liking/compatibility/etc not being there, but the problem is that your love-shyness is in the practical sense, getting in the way of two compatible people "getting together"

 

[eso]

As I mentioned in another thread (think it was "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are"), (imho) the key to effective self-change is to do it SUBTLY (ie TWEAK, not WREAK). The world is NOT a black-or-white place .. there is MUCH between sunrise and sunset.
I am unsure as to the degree of change the author intends his listeners to partake in. He intention seems to be for ALL (love-shy) guys to make ALL the necessary changes REGARDLESS of "how far away" they are from the "target". I think he mentioned that it might take months - that's good, do the changes gradually.
Another good thing that I would add, which the author possibly might not agree with, is just to TWEAK - and leave it at that (ie don't try to set about changing who your basic core personality is; ie if you're a "shy guy" then REMAIN being essentially a shy guy)

So, keeping the above in mind, this system CAN still be useful.
For instance, say you KNOW a girl "likes" you, but you're too shy to ever "progress" in the "romantic" (sex) sense. By applying some of this guy's cd in a SUBTLE way (which may or may not be the author's intention), which WON'T change your basic personality (who you are), it could allow you to maybe change a few minor beliefs & actions, resulting in gaining "progress" with her, eventually leading to a DATE. The changes you made to yourself would have been only minor TWEAKS to your personality, but these minor tweaks have allowed a MAJOR progression to take place (ie a first date .. which could very well turn into a successful long-term relationship).
Edit: In terms of the quoted part by A friend in need, in the above example, say that this woman does initially like you. So the problem isn't about the liking/compatibility/etc not being there, but the problem is that your love-shyness is in the practical sense, getting in the way of two compatible people "getting together"

I think you've nailed it on the head here.

Everyone responding seems to think that this is a 100% "this is what all shy men do", where in reality it was just a list of basically traps that you as a shy man might fall into. And subsequently, all of the advice (which IMO most (but not all) is rather good advice and not much different than advice you can get anywhere else) is ALL stuff you MUST DO, and somehow change yourself dramatically, wholly, and no longer be yourself.

Also the authors mention many times, and in the notes i typed many times as well, for people to find their own way to effect these changes, to find their own style, and to use these examples as a guide, not as rules.

One of the lines in the CD that really spoke to me (that I didn't type because it's a LONG 4 hours thing) was when they described one of the traps of shy men... basically the idea that you are afraid to show your interest in a woman. The example they gave was that a woman was interested in one of their clients who was too afraid to do anything about it. Then the authors said for him to simply say "I am very interested in knowing you better, but I am very shy and I hope you can be patient with me." The client was utterly shocked. "then that's me admitting I'm interested in her". Well that's the point. Women aren't fragile, they can take it. But some shy men can't express interest because they have it in their heads that admitting lust or interest in women might be considered bad in their minds, and that comes from your upbringing.

So tweaking your thoughts of how you were brought up, while remaining loyal to who you are and your relationship to your family/friends, as they say many times in the cd, is a way to continue being yourself but finding a logical reason to move a limiting belief out of your mind. That, to me, seems to be the entire point of the cd program as I heard it.

I'm not going to agree with everything in the product but I do believe this simple concept probably should be really really important to a lot of us.