not sure i really want friends

[cyndy]

i deleted my facebook and myspace accounts because all the high school "friends" that befriended me never spoke to me in high school or online. the people i know at work are ok to work with but i don't really want to hang out with them.
i'm getting to know some really cool people on these social anxiety sites, but i'm not sure i would ever have the balls to meet up with them. i could very easily live without friends, it's the anxiety and panic that come up when i'm forced into a social situation that i just can't cope with. that sh*t is killing me. if it weren't for my husband (who gets infuriated with me and my conditions) i could very easily be a full on hermit.

 

[BlueDays]

The problem is what if you suddenly found yourself with no immediate family to look after you when you got really sick? I really wish I was able to go out socially and make friends. My mother could die tomorrow, then I would have to cope all by myself when I get sick.

 

[cyndy]

you're right mandy. i just think there are so many people out there that we are "worried about" what they may think of us when their opinion isn't worth crap anyway. i do love my family but so many others are just judging and i don't live up to their ideals. sorry, had to vent there. lol

 

[Harleyq]

I feel the same as you. Whenever I make friends, I feel bad because it often feels like a chore when I think about calling them or keeping in touch. It's not that I don't like them...I just don't feel like socializing outside of school/work. Then I start thinking "Damn, Harleyq, do you even want friends?"

I enjoy my own company more than that of others and Idk if it's just me or if I've conditioned myself to think that way because I know that if I'm alone, I'm not going to be anxious.

 

[Nack]

My friends in highschool, all they do on their spare time is drink beers, get laid, talk about cars...nothing i have in common with. Their just "high school friends" and if i meet them somewhere i might talk and joke with them, but other than that. I'm basically alone. I mean friends are nice and all, but say friends that constantly wants to hang out... I'll go at times, but i'll just pass mostly...

 

[Phobologist]

i deleted my facebook and myspace accounts because all the high school "friends" that befriended me never spoke to me in high school or online. the people i know at work are ok to work with but i don't really want to hang out with them.
i'm getting to know some really cool people on these social anxiety sites, but i'm not sure i would ever have the balls to meet up with them. i could very easily live without friends, it's the anxiety and panic that come up when i'm forced into a social situation that i just can't cope with. that sh*t is killing me. if it weren't for my husband (who gets infuriated with me and my conditions) i could very easily be a full on hermit.

Cyndy, have you been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder? It sounds a little bit like this. Do you know what the root of your social phobia is?

 

[Joolin]

I think a cabin in the woods with no roommates is the most powerful opiate for people like us. We will be comfortable, even happy for a bit, but in the long run it will only push us deeper into misery. I think the real key is to slowly introduce socialization. SPW is a perfect start - easy to relate to everyone, no judging, take as long as you want to respond. Trying to go head first into the deep end - basically going to a party - is the worst possible option as it will only scare us back into our shells.

 

[Justas]

I'm scared of asking myself this question...

 

[Silvox Black]

One moment...did you say that your husband is "infuriated" with your condition? Then what sort of husband is he? A poor one at the least.

Anyhow, when it comes to friends, if your family is not someone you can confide in and your husband certainly does not seem to be the understanding sort either, then you would do well to have friends. Friends are the ones you can depend on to support and understand you. True friends can empathize or at least sympathize with your pain. They are ones you can speak to about your trials and tribulations from day to day, and it certainly seems to me like you could use quite a few listeners at this moment.

 

[cyndy]

Cyndy

I know from your signature that you're taking meds but I'm not sure if a psychiatrist or a general practitioner prescribed them to you. Are you seeing a psychiatrist along with a therapist (such as a clinical social worker)? Social Anxiety Disorder is best treated with CBT and meds together or with CBT alone.

my gp prescribes them to me. i have been to a psychiatrist (when my husband was in the army, she diagnosed me in 2002) and a therapist in the past and i know how to use cbt. i stopped seeing the therapist because he told me i should call the post office to ask how much frozen peas cost. this terrified me so much i never went back. i do, however, keep my own cbt log and work on it myself. i make some small progresses, but i still would rather be away from people. like harley q said, it seems to be a chore to keep the whole thing going.
i also don't have insurance and i haven't had any since my husband was discharged from the army in 2003. so that is a stumbling block toward getting a psychiatrist, which is what i want and i think i need.

 

[cyndy]

Cyndy, have you been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder? It sounds a little bit like this. Do you know what the root of your social phobia is?

i haven't been diagnosed with that but i'm suspicious that i do suffer from it. i'm not exactly sure what the root is but i'm especially panicky when i'm in a situation where i have to be seen or have a conversation with ANYONE, in person or on the phone. even my own family, and i love them. and i avoid going to the store or anywhere else besides work...sometimes i even call in sick when it's just my mind being sick.

 

[Hellhound]

Your husband should be more supportive and not get angry... It's not your fault if you are in this situation now :[

 

[Scotsman]

Wanting and not having has caused me lots of pain but at other times I am apathetic and cant be bothered with the effort -- sometimes the effort just fees robotic, like Im doing it because Im supposed to. I thought maybe that was just depression/dysthymia.

 

[Argamemnon]

if it weren't for my husband (who gets infuriated with me and my conditions) i could very easily be a full on hermit.

Hi Cyndy,

How on earth did you end up with a husband, if your anxiety is that bad

Please give me the secret

 

[cyndy]

about the comments of my husband getting infuriated with my condition, that only happens every once in awhile. it's gotta be hard for a normal person to live with one of us.

 

[SpLynx]

yeah, i want friends but also am too avoidant to stay in touch with anyone :/ I am trapped in a dilemma if I want friends or not... I dont really care so much about people to ask how are they, what are they doing.. I only get in touch when I need something and I am available also if anyone needs some help from me but conversations without a point are hard to maintain...

 

[Catuk]

I feel the same as you. Whenever I make friends, I feel bad because it often feels like a chore when I think about calling them or keeping in touch. It's not that I don't like them...I just don't feel like socializing outside of school/work. Then I start thinking "Damn, Harleyq, do you even want friends?"

I enjoy my own company more than that of others and Idk if it's just me or if I've conditioned myself to think that way because I know that if I'm alone, I'm not going to be anxious.

Thats how i feel to.

 

[Mikefly]

i have a facebook account and was going there for a month or two like everyday. I made like 100 some friends most people from high school, then i thought to myself to i really want to talk to these people and keep up with there lives ,NO, so i deleted everyone except 6 people who i actually talk to , i keep my picture on there but just changed my facebook site into a madden tips site and people that like madden can be my friend i guess otherwise i could careless.

 

[thursdays_child]

I feel the same way. The thought of friends actually makes me panic, but at the same time, I'm so lonely.

 

[thursdays_child]

Hi Cyndy,

How on earth did you end up with a husband, if your anxiety is that bad

Please give me the secret

I can't speak for Cyndy, but I also have a husband and I also have severe social phobia. My phobia was much less (still bad, but much less bad) when I met him. I met him online which, at the time, was a place that was easier for me to socialize. So, that's how it happened for me.