Not needing to be perfect

[aj]

I find it quite annoying how other people don't need to be perfect to be liked. For example, a friend might see them mess something up, or need to give them encouragement to do something, or someone might complain about their boy/girlfriend. But they let it go and still stay together. I don't seem to be allowed to have anybody like that. Anyone else feel like that?

 

[WelshOne]

Actually I think people warm to me more if I DO make mistakes now and then. I think it annoys people if you're too perfect, especially in certain environments.

I hate making mistakes, though. I'm very much a perfectionist, and if I mess up I get REALLY embarassed. Like the other day I was working for my Uncle, with my cousin. We were doing some carpentry type work and I measured up a section of wood to be cut away from a plank... got my cousin to cut it, and then realised I had marked the section to be kept rather than the bit to be removed. Too late though, it was already cut. I felt like a right idiot, and my cousin was really rubbing it in lol, but in a friendly (and slightly cocky, lol) way.

But yeah, I think my cousin was kind of glad I made a mistake because it took some pressure off him to be flawless. And I think as a result he ended up feeling more at ease working with me. Plus it was something we were able to laugh about...

 

[LycraPantiies92]

Yeah, i agree with ye. Pff i can't make any friends at all.

 

[cosmosis]

Yeah, the irony of it. Many of us have this perception that we need to be perfect in order for people to like us. The truth is that people love it when others make mistakes. It makes them feel more comfortable around them.

We tend to view the world like everyone is our parent, and that if we fail in something then everyone will be dissapointed or take their love away (like parents do sometimes). But friends are not parents, and they enjoy the company of those who fail or make mistakes. Think about it from your perspective, would you hate a friend / classmate / fellow worker because they failed in something or made a mistake?

 

[klytus]

The Welsh one is right. It is first and foremost you who expects perfection, and as a result you appear to be flawless, or to aspire a state of flawlessness. Others notice it and are offended if you do make a mistake once in a while, because it makes you seem like an impostor. Clearly, nobody is perfect - however, people are too simple not to think in extremes. If you are a perfectionist, people will think that you are perfect, or that you think to be perfect. Any sign of imperfection will convey the impression that you are a pharisee, basically.

The truth is that people love it when others make mistakes. It makes them feel more comfortable around them.

This is just a consequence, though. People love similarity. Therefore, they love those who make mistakes - and dislike those who appear to be 'perfect'.

Really, all of this is a result of contrasting attributes. You cannot easily discern different shades of gray - however, it is easy to see a black spot on an otherwise perfectly white background. Since people are good at thinking in extremes, the polarity of life makes certain aspects of a personality, or a behavior, stand out. Such obvious aspects are then singled out by the observing people for further discussion. Moreover, people tend to think about you the way you think about yourself. If you want to be perfect, people want you to be perfect. Imperfection is therefore disappointing, since perfection was expected.

 

[Satine]

I find it quite annoying how other people don't need to be perfect to be liked. For example, a friend might see them mess something up, or need to give them encouragement to do something, or someone might complain about their boy/girlfriend. But they let it go and still stay together. I don't seem to be allowed to have anybody like that. Anyone else feel like that?

It's the fact that a person might not be perfect and therefore needs the support of others, that a friendship can occur. After all, if we were all entirely self-sufficient and didn't need anyone to help us with anything, why would we need to interact?

 

[aj]

It seems as though you have met some really shallow and unforgiving people. I find that most people would rather see that I am human and make mistakes as opposed to perfect. It's the incredibly insecure and stupid people that will give you a hard time or point out mistakes in order to diminish you. Normally, people don't feel that great about themselves if they're sorrounded by those who are "perfect", but then no one is perfect.

I should say that I've given the wrong impression here - it's more that I haven't made any friends while trying hard not to make an idiot of myself, rather than anything actually negative from them.

It all makes sense doesn't it. Maybe I should make a bigger thing of it when I do make mistakes? Nothing silly, obviously.

 

[Reiji Moritsugu]

I understand your point very well...I have always seen how people make mistakes and others around them just let it go, but god forbid I make the same mistake because then people get all angry and act as if I had added a new deadly sin to the already existing ones. I have to say that Klytus and WelshOne´s posts have given me quite some things to think about regarding this subject, though so I hope it is also helpful for you

 

[aj]

Sorry if I'm just repeating myself...

I get on with the people I work with ok. In ideal world, I'd be able to talk to someone and say, "I'm not good with people, so can you please take me out for a bit so I can get a bit more used to it?" And they would. I presume this is what a 'friend' is. It must be nice to have someone who is interested in you.

In the real world, nobody is interested, it's as simple as that. Same old crap, I ask people if I can join them somewhen, and they either ignore me straight or string me along and then ignore me.