Not fitting in

[aj]

I was thinking about why I can't make friends, and then that it helps a lot to have something in common. I would guess that the ideal place to make friends should be some kind of club or class because it's something that you both like doing in your spare time. It's instant common ground. It should be very easy. Most people would probably generally come away with at least one more friend, though maybe not always.

That's never been the case with me because I've never felt like a true part of the group when I should. Even when I have been in an after school club, I've never felt like one of them. Almost like I'm not meant to be there, but not quite.

I can't explain it, because it doesn't seem to have much to do with fear or anything. It's just always 'been there'. School, college, clubs, everywhere. Does anyone else feel like that?

 

[Jessquietgirl]

I feel like that all the time. Some people love to drag me into their stupid, idiotic clubs where they talk shit all day. I stand beside them like a stick in the mud, imobile. In my mind everyday at school I say, I WANT TO GO HOME! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

 

[Ebbe]

That's never been the case with me because I've never felt like a true part of the group when I should. Even when I have been in an after school club, I've never felt like one of them. Almost like I'm not meant to be there, but not quite.

I can't explain it, because it doesn't seem to have much to do with fear or anything. It's just always 'been there'. School, college, clubs, everywhere. Does anyone else feel like that?

Yes, I do. It's like no matter where you are, a feeling always emerges that "they" are a group and I am an outsider. I have started noticing this a few years ago, and I am not sure what causes it. Even when walking into a room with people of which I know noone knows eachother, it feels like their is some invisible bond between them that I will never be part of.

 

[aj]

Yes! That is exactly it.

 

[dottie]

Even when walking into a room with people of which I know noone knows eachother, it feels like their is some invisible bond between them that I will never be part of.

well said. me 3.

 

[Ebbe]

I do think realising it can help though.
I first realised it when talking to my therapist. She asked me if I had ever had a job were I felt comfortable. When I told her that I had had one job were I did, she asked me if I knew why.
And then I realised that it had been the only job where I had ever felt as part of the group (It was a job where new people kept coming in and I had been able to get used to them one by one.)

Since then, whenever I go into this "them vs. me" thinking, I try to tell myself that it is all in my head, and that there is no reason why I am making myself feel like an outsider.

I hope that will help a little for one of you as well

 

[Ashiene]

everywhere i go, i feel as if everyone else already knows each other and im always the odd one out, the stranger...