Not alone but still alone

Lexus199

Well-known member
Has anyone ever felt lonely despite not exactly being alone? I mean right now I'm in slump as far as my social life goes. However, there's been periods in my life where I had "friends" but still felt lonely. I guess I use the word "friends" loosely. That's because generally I categorize most people I've known as somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. I mean I talked to them, hung out with them and so forth but I never really felt that connection. I've put effort into it but I can't quite figure out why I can feel alone even when around people that are supposedly friends.

Regardless right now my social life leaves a lot to be desired. I hate to say it out loud but I am pretty lonely. ::p:
 
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deleted user 1

Guest
For all of the last decade I've felt alone. However, that time can be disected into roughly halves. The first being my time with friends and the other being housebound. The first is where I felt the most isolation. As I had no choice but to face the reality of my inability to connect with the people around me on a daily basis. When around other people, it's quite easy to feel loneliness more than when you are alone, a bit paradoxical, but meh, lol.

Something I never thought of before being isolated at home, is that perhaps I never met the right kind of people. My interests and tastes are against the grain, and I never knew anybody I could relate to on these terms. Being online, you have greater access to a variety of people at a click of a button. I have from time to time encountered people that I can connect well with. So in that regard, my advice would be to feel around different types of people, to discover what works for you. Not all people can get along, and not everyone can form a connection. If it isn't there, then it's pointless to try and force it repeatedly. If I could turn back the clock, this is something I would definitely change.
 

Sammie_Kay

Well-known member
When Ive hung out with friends or with a group of people, ive never felt like i fit in with anyone. I hate it. I think thats part of why ive never really had any friends. I go though periods when I want to be a social butterfly and hang out and talk to people but then i remember i dont have anyone to talk to or hang out with so i just have to wait for that feeling to fade away.
 

jesushelpme

Member
i dont have any friends , i have avoidant personality, social phobia and social anxiety and prob bipolar im very lonely but i cant cope with people around me ::(:
might surprise you but i have a man and 3 children who i am close to but i feel lonely if that makes sense:eek:
 

Silvox Black

Well-known member
Having friends certainly does not mean that you will never feel alone. Usually, good friends, the ones who trust you and care about you, will help alleviate pangs of loneliness. True friends are the ones who will not judge you and will support you through tribulations. According to your definition of the word "friend", it would seem they are not quite the ones you can personally connect with. Thus it is understandable you still feel alone.
 

Lexus199

Well-known member
When Ive hung out with friends or with a group of people, ive never felt like i fit in with anyone. I hate it. I think thats part of why ive never really had any friends.

Yeah for me I would describe it as being in a bubble that no can see and so it feels like I'm sort of there but not at the same time.

i dont have any friends , i have avoidant personality, social phobia and social anxiety and prob bipolar im very lonely but i cant cope with people around me ::(:
might surprise you but i have a man and 3 children who i am close to but i feel lonely if that makes sense:eek:

I think I can understand that. My parents and brothers live close by but it doesn't seem to help much in regards to my loneliness. I guess it's a void that I want people outside of my family to fill? I don't know.
 

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
I think physical (not just for relationship-relationships, friendships, like sitting near, hugs when you need them, touching somebody's arm frequently, pat on the back...) and emotional closeness is important for relationships (friendship, relationships, parent..-ships) to really seem comforting/ as if they exist. Physical closeness gives memory to a relationship, you can remember the feel of a person. Also, complete and utter honesty, which would also be about how you feel.. what you're thinking at the time.. Being honest about depressive thoughts even when others are partying/happy.. etcetc. Leading to feeling as if you can trust them, /to be there for you. Being honest, even about the negative, is very important because then you and your friends can show their weaknesses. Without that side of a person, you're missing a half of them, and it buries the opportunity to be their for one another in times of need.
Also, it is important to feel as if you belong, foster similar interests or attitudes so that you can relate to others.
If you have learned that all relationships are temporary because you will be left eventually, you may be fostering a "I am just passing through" type of mentality that keeps you feeling on the outside.
Lastly, if you are able to develop a physically and emotionally close and honest relationship with a friend/partner/whoever, and you still do not feel worth it, then more likely it is you and your confidence that is keeping you lonely because of it's absence, not other people. Perhaps you are expecting to be completed by people, and when it does not happen you feel alone in your incompletion, this could tie into feeling as if you do not belong, the feeling of incompletion. Well, that one was a complete shot in the dark. I'm pretty much just speaking from my own experience here........
I am exactly the same. And it is truly killing me, emotionally, internally. It's a hard one... hang in there, I'm sure true love and company can and does exist. Somewhere..
 
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gals

Active member
Has anyone ever felt lonely despite not exactly being alone? I mean right now I'm in slump as far as my social life goes. However, there's been periods in my life where I had "friends" but still felt lonely. I guess I use the word "friends" loosely. That's because generally I categorize most people I've known as somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. I mean I talked to them, hung out with them and so forth but I never really felt that connection. I've put effort into it but I can't quite figure out why I can feel alone even when around people that are supposedly friends.

Regardless right now my social life leaves a lot to be desired. I hate to say it out loud but I am pretty lonely. ::p:


There's no shame in being lonely, at leasdt you're being honest. Who doesn't feel lonely at times? I mean I do get lonely, everyone gets lonely some times.

Even the happiest person in the world do get lonely sometimes.

It's just how we cope that spells the difference. I think ou should nurture deeper friendships and relationships. By just being there consistently--your presence will be felt--and valued.
 

sorrow1

Well-known member
I have been in simlar situations in my life.
I have had periods where I have been forced in with a group of people who I have hung out with but have felt alone when I was with them. They have messed me about. Invitng me out one minute and then excludng me the next.
I was shy and quiet and they were loud. When we were socialising as a group they would talk over me or anythng I said they would laugh at or make fun of for no reason.
They would often talk with each other as a group but never make eye contact with me as if I wasnt there or wasnt worth speaking to.
This got me more deppressed and made me feel more alone than when I was by myself.
It drove me to almost give up on society but over time and forcing myself to get out and embrace life, I discovered people who genunely do care and that want to listen and are kind. They are out there, you just gotta find the right people. I know its easer said than done but if your around people who dont care about you and wont accept you for who you are then they are going to make your situaton worse. But in my opinon one genuine friend and no social life is better than the opposite.
 
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