Not a social phobic..but i am a weirdo apparently...

[nicola_maire]

I guess eventually you need to accept your weaknesses, embrace your strenghs and let go of the things you can no longer change.

I believe that the problem with society these days, Is that there is a very small box of which is normal and desireable, and those of us who dont fit in end up feeling very isolated and confused. You get the people who fit perfectly in this box, then those who can blend into the box, those who attempt to blend but still get left out of the box (me) and those who dont even know where to start with this stupid box (those with SA).

We all have gifts and we were all put here for a reason. Would picasso have time to paint his master pieces if he was down the pub every night with his buddies? no. We are all programmed to be as we are for a reason. Ive just read about this highly sensitive person stuff and it is me down to a T! but im extroverted hence why i try so hard with this social box Bull, i actualy admire introverts for just saying no thank you to it all!

No wonder i am miserable and get anxious when i am going against my very core of my being and trying to be someone i am not. Well no more, im exhausted and im wasting time. Funny thing is you only meet like minded people if your true to yourself on your path...funny that..why was i trying so hard and wondering why i werent meeting men i could date!

Why i posted here is because i think it would help for you guys to really think about this. I think your socially anxious because your not naturally good socially (sorry) but your trying very hard to be in your heads because you think its 'normal' to be and therefore putting youself under great preasure. Find something you are good at and concentrate on that, and accept you will never be the life and soul of a party, you will be the person sat quitely..and that is ok! you will make friends with the other person sat quitely and you wont have much to say together..but you will both be ok with that.

 

[theslowesthand]

My question is this: How does this "box" come to be as it is? Why has society chosen to have a sociable/extroverted/gregarious/loud/etc box, and not a box that us quiet/shy SA'ers would fit more easily into? (& which would be harder for THEM to fit into)

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

i like your box analogy and i pretty much agree with it. but about social phobics not being good socially, i'd say you're wrong. most people with SA have normal, bright, funny, cool personalities like everyone else that fits into society's social norms, but it's just that their traits are all bottled up and they don't know how to let them out and express themselves at times. so they end up being really quiet and nervous and awkward around people. but when they're with people they're comfortable with they're at ease and can be loud, outgoing, hilarious, and just really awesome to be around and hang out with.

 

[Hemosapien]

i like your box analogy and i pretty much agree with it. but about social phobics not being good socially, i'd say you're wrong. most people with SA have normal, bright, funny, cool personalities like everyone else that fits into society's social norms, but it's just that their traits are all bottled up and they don't know how to let them out and express themselves at times. so they end up being really quiet and nervous and awkward around people. but when they're with people they're comfortable with they're at ease and can be loud, outgoing, hilarious, and just really awesome to be around and hang out with.

Thats exactly how I am. I also overthink things for a long time afterwards and end up feeling like Ive offended someone. I more than likely haven't and the details of the situation forgotten, but I still worry and it makes me anxious. I have also come to the conclusion that most people are self centred and I'd rather not know most people. Im quite happy with the people I already have in my life and feel no desire to socialise with strangers.

 

[nicola_maire]

My question is this: How does this "box" come to be as it is? Why has society chosen to have a sociable/extroverted/gregarious/loud/etc box, and not a box that us quiet/shy SA'ers would fit more easily into? (& which would be harder for THEM to fit into)

Well the box is how it is i suppose because of money and the media. What sells? what does everyone want to aspire to that would apply to everyone and not just a specialised population? well everyone wants to be confident, beautiful, have lots of friends, have a great boyfriend, nice house etc i mean who wouldnt?not many people would aspire to be the painter in the loft apartment who has one friend in the world, who doesnt have alot of money and stuggles to get by. But this is exactly my point. Being beautiful, loud, rich you can see and therefore you can sell. The painter could actualy be very happy and content inside but you cant see that in a photograph therefore it doesnt sell. The media sell you happyness you can see, not happyness you can feel.

People are so confused these days to what it is that will make you happy, because we are being tolf! and thats is the box everyone is striving to be in, but just so happens for some of us its way of the mark of what will get us there. take these trollops in reality TV programmes, they want to get rich and they fit into that setting to get there, some of would need to get a good education and earn it through our passion for a hobby.

 

[Lea]

Would picasso have time to paint his master pieces if he was down the pub every night with his buddies?

I read a book about him once and think he pretty much was , that´s where painters get their inspiration from.

 

[nicola_maire]

I read a book about him once and think he pretty much was , that´s where painters get their inspiration from.

haha well ya know what i mean

 

[OceanMist]

I believe some people are at the bottom of the barrel like me. I call them "lost souls." People like me don't have a box, we are very rare, but some are out there. I don't have the desire to socialize, yet I am human, so I feel lonely and depressed when I don't socialize.

Even when I do socialize, I feel like I don't belong and don't know what to say or how to connect with people. I am always the last one, slow to react to social ques if I do even react. I never like meeting new people, no matter who they are. I am misunderstood and don't understand why people like to talk to so much about stuff that seems meaningless to me.

I am so rare that I am always the biggest outcast in the room. The people that try to be outcasts think I'm very weird. I don't understand why people want children. I don't know how to communicate with a child.

I am a lost soul because I'm always lost socially. I've seen pictures of myself in social groups and I always look like I'm not even there. It's as if I'm somewhere else in the picture, like you can see right through me. It's like I'm a ghost, a ghost that nobody gets.

Yes, i am human, but I am the least human person in every room. What's weird is that I am sane and down-to-earth. It's amazing how I feel and never am part of this social earth, though. I'm nobody, I'm nothing. It doesn't matter how kind I am. I'm just the guy that nobody cares about.

I wonder why God created me. Sometimes I think it was so I could suffer for my whole life to build character for Heaven. I think maybe that He wants me to feel pain for so long that the sweetness of not having anxiety anymore in Heaven will be that great.

All these other people bring all this happiness to people just by being friends or having an intimate other. I'm a waste of space, it seems. What good do I do? I sit in my room most of the time. I'm worthless to the world. I don't bring happiness to anybody in person, unless you want to count my little flower delivery job that anybody could do.

I'm replaceable. My life doesn't matter. Nobody needs me or has use for me. I question why I am here, to serve what purpose. Then again, does it really matter? I'm unhappy anyway.

 

[Kiwong]

I like to imagine myself as being a little bit outside the box.

 

[SPV]

Where I live, there's no "Box". It's just nice people making friends with nice people. We don't follow the media and that stupid molded standards that everyone gets brainwashed into. May be there's no box after all, people just think there is.
I don't put my mind into it too much, I've been to places and spoke to people they don't judge me they just accept me, and there's no standard that one is supposed to meet. I think it's pretty immature to think that narrowly. I'm not saying that you do. It's just the people who create this box and live in it just lack education and are trying so hard to find a place to fit into (Which is the place for the ignorant or the dregs of humanity), It's good to just let it go.

I'm a weirdo too. But I don't let that get in the way. Generally people don't care what you're like as long as you're nice.

 

[theslowesthand]

Feeling like a "weirdo" is a really cr*p feeling. And its sth no amount of rationalising can alter. The only thing to do is to avoid the feeling (imho)

What's weird is that I am sane and down-to-earth. It's amazing how I feel and never am part of this social earth, though. I'm nobody, I'm nothing. It doesn't matter how kind I am. I'm just the guy that nobody cares about

I always believed i was the most "sensible" person around. But now i know that there was the "sensible" me (by myself), and the "crazy-wierdo" me (in company). But I never could see this (couldnt see forest for the trees) - only others could (was probably clear-as-day to them). And so due to me being a bit "wierd" around people (which was due to nerves/SA/etc - people triggered my "personality-switch") they basically only "saw" in me the wierd side, not my good qualities (sane/sensible, kind, ...). And in truth, i probably wasn't as sensible as i judged myself to be, as i had an unhealthy, uhbalanced, isolated life, had SA, low self-esteem, etc, etc.

As a general rule, people don't like wierd, even the tiniest amount of wierd sends them running. There's no possible way for "weird" to fit into the "box". The only answer i think is to "tone the weird down" a bit, but even then it would be pushing-it to be accepted by society (ie the "normal box of society")

 

[OceanMist]

Feeling like a "weirdo" is a really cr*p feeling. And its sth no amount of rationalising can alter. The only thing to do is to avoid the feeling (imho)



I always believed i was the most "sensible" person around. But now i know that there was the "sensible" me (by myself), and the "crazy-wierdo" me (in company). But I never could see this (couldnt see forest for the trees) - only others could (was probably clear-as-day to them). And so due to me being a bit "wierd" around people (which was due to nerves/SA/etc - people triggered my "personality-switch") they basically only "saw" in me the wierd side, not my good qualities (sane/sensible, kind, ...). And in truth, i probably wasn't as sensible as i judged myself to be, as i had an unhealthy, uhbalanced, isolated life, had SA, low self-esteem, etc, etc.

As a general rule, people don't like wierd, even the tiniest amount of wierd sends them running. There's no possible way for "weird" to fit into the "box". The only answer i think is to "tone the weird down" a bit, but even then it would be pushing-it to be accepted by society (ie the "normal box of society")

The theme of what I believe you are saying is appearance and aura is almost everything, and I agree. People respond to what is in front of them. If they see, hear or even feel someone being abnormally quiet, they often avoid that person because there are so many other social people that they can talk to that make them comfortable.

That's what I was talking about. I hate how people usually never see my good qualities. I'm a good guy, but I'm masked by anxiety and am given a "shy guy" label. No, I haven't given myself this label by choice, and I hate it when people try to tell me that on here. A lot of people on here are like me and have the same label placed on them. I'm sure some of you know that. When people bring your name up, the first thing they mention is how shy or quiet you are, something along those lines. That's how it is for me.

A good quote you have that is very true: "People don't like weird." Society is based on being normal, whether we like it or not. Let's face it, the more normal (social) you are, the more respect you'll get throughout your life and the more accepted you will be in every social circle.

A guy could be a crazy person who randomly insults other people, beats his women and lies constantly but as long as that guy talks enough, he's going to be well-liked by much of society and people will be attracted to him.

As for toning down the weird, I don't have the courage to do that. I'm not comfortable trying to talk to people, and I don't want to. I don't even really like talking to people. It's not really a choice, it's a personality disorder that I've been handed down genetically. Yeah, sounds like an excuse to some people, but I'd like to see them live in my body and see how they feel.

 

[nicola_maire]

I really believe things are as bad as you make them. I also believe that things are big deal only if you make them.
I know a few really quite girls who dont say alot, but because they are 'preasent' and seem engaged and comfortable you dont feel as if they are being unsocial to be honest. Theres another girl i knowwho does chat but she seems really nervous when she does and that is a put off not the quite comfortable person. I think its more that people can sense you inner emotions eg nervousness, anger or depression and thats what puts people off not who you are as a person.
As a single woman, if a really outgoing guy who is a buddle of nervs approached me i would run for the hills because it would make me nervous. If a quite guy who seemed comfortable in their skin approached me, i would be interested to know more about him! the inner is the turn on not the outer as hard as i know some of you will find that to believe.

I do understand, but it realy is about changing your outlooks rather than blamming the world for the way you feel.

 

[OceanMist]

I really believe things are as bad as you make them. I also believe that things are big deal only if you make them.
I know a few really quite girls who dont say alot, but because they are 'preasent' and seem engaged and comfortable you dont feel as if they are being unsocial to be honest. Theres another girl i knowwho does chat but she seems really nervous when she does and that is a put off not the quite comfortable person. I think its more that people can sense you inner emotions eg nervousness, anger or depression and thats what puts people off not who you are as a person.
As a single woman, if a really outgoing guy who is a buddle of nervs approached me i would run for the hills because it would make me nervous. If a quite guy who seemed comfortable in their skin approached me, i would be interested to know more about him! the inner is the turn on not the outer as hard as i know some of you will find that to believe.

I do understand, but it realy is about changing your outlooks rather than blamming the world for the way you feel.

The world tends to respond differently to men than women with a social anxiety problem. I hate to play the gender card, but it's true that men have it harder than women when it comes to social anxiety issues.

Women always have the next guy that is willing to initiate a conversation with them. They always have the next woman who is emotionally available for them. Men don't have that luxury.

I'm not just sitting back and blaming society for all of my problems, but don't tell me that society has no effect on the position that i am in. The world does not like shyness, it's that simple. It's against human nature, and people usually respond badly to it.

Imagine having to walk up to a man and initiate the conversation with him every time you wanted a date. That's what us guys have to do. Imagine having your own gender emotionally unavailable for you. That's what us guys have to deal with with our guy friends.

Imagine an entire gender that is programmed to not approach you. Just picture that. That's every day for a shy guy.

Things aren't as bad as we make them. A lot of what we don't have isn't because of choice. If I had to choose to feel like crap, which I do, do you really think I'd choose that? I hate the blame game. I'm tired of people placing the entire blame on people. It seems that women tend to blame shy men for their problems more than anyone.