nonsense.

[3lefts]

I've stated clearly my distaste for the physical. Yet it's a very muddled feeling. Recently I've been enticed by the seeming electricity of it. I've almost began to consider it exciting.
Then again I have been more energetic then I prefer to be. Expending energy at work and walking lots, is this technically the mind connecting further with my body? Whereas I usually see it quite separate. Does this somehow relate to the fact that I am more so intrigued by the idea of touching because I have become more focused on my body?
I don't know what I'm trying to say. I don't understand so much why I should crave closeness. I mean I do. I just don't understand if I want to or not. If I begin to accept it a little there is this dark underlying fear. A hand dreadful and cautious coddling my heart, weary to every passer-by. No matter how unappealing it is, it feels safe. As if I am protected by it's unyielding grip.
I am vexed by this desire. I want passion I want exciting awareness of another's body. I want that electricity.
Then I don't want it. I feel sick or I get terribly depressed. Don't touch me. Don't come close. Stay away.
I'm so miserably stuck with these feelings. This contrast and contradictory existence. Yet I think I know the solution. I'm just not sure how to feel. Thought takes over and it becomes redundant. I design my life, I move on. Feelings get left behind. Parts of who I am, get left behind.
I must change. But it's so hard to give up. Manually cutting pieces out of my heart, just to stay alive. Is a little difficult to do.

 

[Sial Axetder]

All I can seem to muster in response is agreement. It is difficult to do.

 

[coyote]

The mind is born of the body.

The body is born of the universe - of which all other bodies are also a part.

Mind, body, other bodies - they're all one thing

so it's perfectly natural to want to connect them all together

in fact, I would say it's UNnatural to try to keep everything disconnected

 

[Minty]

Concrete reality is too intense for me. I want the volume turned way, way down but God's got the remote control. So I reside in my head where everything is gentle--only a shade of reality.

The worst sense for me to cope with is touch. It's very uncomfortable.

 

[JamesSmith]

It's because anxiety is like a small child pushing buttons in your body, turning you on to people, then turning you off. One moment you feel like touching someone, the next moment you don't want to be near anyone. Anxiety is basically strangling your thoughts and feelings so that your body and mind don't know what to feel, often.

 

[3lefts]

Oh. It's gone.
And I don't know who it was that wrote it, I can't remember your username. I remember the picture being purple flowers? So I will address you as such.
Thanks for the temporary response you posted. I am glad I got to read it before it disappeared, I only now got around to replying, but I have to admit, it was precisely the sort of thing I need to know.
Almost in reassurance. You were right, I do know the answer.
Even if it does cloud the clarity... analogies and such, can't write without them. I think I wouldn't get out how I felt if I didn't. The feeling would be lost somehow, like it usually is.

 

[Feathers]

go dancing?

it's a play of come and go - touch and separate... it's not just 'dancing' you can connect with cosmic energy or such (if you want to)

you can dance by yourself (like Billy Idol) or with others in a circle, or with someone.. it's fleeting, transitory,...

YouTube - ABBA - DANCING QUEEN(1978)