No interest in social bonding?

[recluse]

I have come to realise that i am more than socially anxious...I actually have a hatred of socializing and social enviroments. If i see someone i know o'r someone comes to the house all i'm thinking is ''what the hell do they want? I can't be bothered to talk to them!''.....I realise that i had not much interest in making friends even as a child. I remember as a child i was quite content living in my own little world....If i had a cardboard box i'd be happy without feeling the need for friends to play with.

What confuses me is that despite my lack of interest in social bonding i feel desperately lonely. My mum and dad tell me to go out and meet people but on the whole i have a hatred of people in general...People are too demanding and annoy the hell out of me!

Why do i feel so lonely despite these feelings? And how the hell am i going to hope of finding a girlfriend if i hate socializing so much? Surely any girl would expect me to go to clubs and stuff with them...Things i hate doing.

 

[thor01]

Same for me. Concerning the going out to meet people, the only reason I'd even think about attempting that is to find a girl, however I just don't know how you go about doing it. Its easier said than done to "go out and meet people". What would happen is Id go somewhere by myself, stand there, feeling uncomfortable amongst everyone, feeling judged, and then leave, as people go to places like that with other people, making it awkward to meet them

 

[recluse]

Yeah, not many people go to places alone, they go with a friend o'r friends. It's not even safe to go to places alone at night so it's a bummer. Anyway if i do go to places i don't strike up a conversation with anyone anyway so what's the point?

 

[faithnomore]

I know how it is. Even though the social places/situations aren't nice, people like us still feel lonely, as we are deprived of friends.

Its not easy to just go out and talk to people/be involved in things.

In the past i always turned down invitations to things because i was afraid i wouldn't fit in and that i would be judged.

I think i'm a bit desperate now, and would probably accept things more.

 

[mikestar]

Nope not much, I feel like I would be judged and just wouldnt fit in. Im mainly a loner who spends most of the time with his dog and by himself

 

[this_portrait]

I've noticed that I've been leaning toward a lot of antisocial tendencies lately. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that, or if it will even continue into the school year. I'm at the point where I'd rather just 'fake' socializing just to get by, but altogether just be someone who avoids any interpersonal relationships. Everyone tells me to just 'be myself,' but I'm convinced that if I did that, no one would like me. The only one that I'm really myself around is my own mother, and she surprisingly likes me, but then I'm her kid. She's supposed to like me, right?

 

[Lorraine Manca]

yeah even if social stuff were comfortable, I wouldn't want to do it either. If i did want to do it, i would go to some event, feel awkward, and leave. I think most people are lonely. This is dorky, but there has been a trend in recent history toward radical individualism. Its exciting for a lot of people, because you get to fulfill your potential, reach for the stars and all that, but at the same time its a party for one. There was a famous article called "Bowling Alone" that addressed the fact that at least in the U.S. people are becoming more isolated. The self-improvement craze is a sign of individualism too right along with the big push for optimum health and magical candy bars that build muscle. You can't avoid being at least a little brainwashed by the mentality that its all about you being the best you can be. Be charismatic, find your identity, the journey of self-actualization.But in general there has to be something else at the center of your life besides you, or else the center can not hold. I think being lonely is built in to the modern mentality. Thats why you can feel lonely even when you're not alone. Everyone's a million miles away trapped in their own ego. Its justs a theory. I'm not even sure I believe my theory.

 

[NormanBates]

lol Looking back on my everyday demeanor from last semester, I start laughing when thinking about what this next semester will probably be like.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I'm fairly indifferent about having a friendship. It's too hard for me to connect with and understand people, so maintaining a friendship is troublesome... So I suppose I'll never have a close friend or an intimate relationship, which doesn't bother me.
I just prefer to avoid people as much as possible so I don't have to worry about stressing.
I'm alone when I'm with people.

 

[recluse]

I've noticed that I've been leaning toward a lot of antisocial tendencies lately. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that, or if it will even continue into the school year. I'm at the point where I'd rather just 'fake' socializing just to get by, but altogether just be someone who avoids any interpersonal relationships. Everyone tells me to just 'be myself,' but I'm convinced that if I did that, no one would like me. The only one that I'm really myself around is my own mother, and she surprisingly likes me, but then I'm her kid. She's supposed to like me, right?

Yeah i know what you mean, we expect our parents to love us. We take it for granted that our parents love us but there are people who have been abused o'r abandoned by their parents yet i can't feel happy that my parents love me...Sometimes i'm convinced that they don't love me though::

But being loved by parents is not the same as being loved by a member of the opposite sex who are not obliged to do so. It's easy enough for my mother to tell me how handsome i am but my mother is not going to tell the truth. Why can't girls tell me i'm handsome apart from my mother? It's because my mother is probably lying to make me feel better.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

Why can't girls tell me i'm handsome apart from my mother? It's because my mother is probably lying to make me feel better.

Maybe cause some girls don't look so much if you are handsome ,maybe they wanna know about your personality first before they tell you that you are handsome.But your mother probably knows who you really are from the inside

 

[mmmm]

^ You're handsome. And the mmmm's don't stand for mom.

Do you guys wish you were interested in social bonding, or are you just more content where you are?

I love social occasions, I just hate how my body reacts to them. I guess I'm like a diabetic who loves sugar.

 

[Moonie]

I've always thought I had a low social threshold. I am perfectly content with one or two great friends. The problem is, this arrangement can be pretty sad. If that relationship fails or we out grow each other, then you go back to being lonely and having no one.

Having lots of friends, doing too much activities, and just having to entertain one another would exhaust me. I never sought that. I would just rather be a strong person, a confident person (a quiet confident person) and just more relaxed in different situations. I don't want tons of friends, I don't want to be loud, and the life of the party. I just want to be at enough ease to show who I really am.

 

[PhantomPod]

I feel like this too, most of the time.

The times where I really wish that I had friends, are times when I would like to go to the movies with someone or play soccer with someone or play tennis with someone. It's just like, I wish I had at least ONE friend who I could do fun things with. I am usually pretty fine on my own and can keep myself entertained, but there are just some things that I want to do which require more than one person to truly be fun for me.

I want to go to an amusement park this summer, but I don't have a single person to go with... And who wants to go and ride a rollercoaster by themselves (or maybe worse, be paired up with a stranger)? That just wouldn't be fun.

I do also feel lucky that I am very close with my parents. They are truly my only friends. If it weren't for them I would have even less of a life. Like on the weekends I'd probably stay inside the whole time, but with them I will actually leave the house and go out to the store or something on the weekends. Sometimes I definitely take our good relationship for granted, but I truly am glad that I am so close to my mom and dad.