New job...

[Argamemnon]

I just had a job interview and I'm hired. Actually, I'm on welfare and won't get paid for this job. I will continue to receive my benefit. This job is temporary and to gain experience, but it's "real work". I haven't worked for years, so this is a very good opportunity to start. It's an administrative job.

I was very anxious at the interview, which is normal, but I'm always very anxious around people and even more so when I have to perform in the presence of other people. They were informing me about the company etc. but I felt so anxious, that I couldn't absorb what they said!

How am I supposed to function when I can't even listen to people? I have nothing to lose and will do my best. This may sound crazy, but I don't think I will ever be able to hold a job. Maybe only the easiest jobs.

In the end, if doing my best won't prove sufficient to do my job properly, then there is nothing I can do about it? The reality is that severe anxiety coupled with depression is part of my life. It frustrates me so much, I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this predicament for the rest of my life. This is who I am, I did not choose anxiety and depression, they have chosen me. I just wish I was able to function at work. That really is all I want. I envy those of you who can hold jobs!

 

[Beyondshy]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say well done for getting through the interview I hope it isn't as stressful as you imagine and that with time you feel less anxious to work

 

[Argamemnon]

Thank you for the support

 

[lurknomore]

Congratulations on getting the job. Hopefully through experience you can eventually be able to hold down a job. Good luck with it!

 

[Argamemnon]

Thanks, I'm still trying to recuperate from the interview.

 

[madmike]

Congratulations, you must have given a reasonably good interview to even get the job (I know it's not paid work, but people don't hire you if they think you're incompetent) I think you're on the right track if you take that attitude. You can only do your best, and hopefully with time you'll learn to relax a little and absorb the instructions better, it's all about exposure!

 

[Argamemnon]

Thanks Madmike. I know myself well. I will probably blow it, but I really don't give a shit anymore. What happens happens.

 

[lurknomore]

I will probably blow it, but I really don't give a shit anymore. What happens happens.

I agree that you shouldn't care too much about it- don't let it stress you- in that way you probably won't blow it. The more you care about it, the more anxiety you'll feel, and the more likely you are to mess up. My philosophy on life has been that everything happens for a reason- and if something is meant to happen it will.

 

[SickJoke]

Thanks Madmike. I know myself well. I will probably blow it, but I really don't give a shit anymore. What happens happens.

I like that attitude

 

[sabbath9]

Congrats Argamemnon!

 

[Argamemnon]

I agree that you shouldn't care too much about it- don't let it stress you- in that way you probably won't blow it. The more you care about it, the more anxiety you'll feel, and the more likely you are to mess up. My philosophy on life has been that everything happens for a reason- and if something is meant to happen it will.

I agree with your philosophy that if something is meant to happen it will. I can't explain how I feel, but I'm severely depressed (nothing new), which makes everything 100 times harder.

I feel dead inside and can't absorb information, I can't tolerate noise etc. Perhaps it's because I'm always alone in my room, but then, I know people who are lonely as well, but they are not as depressed and dysfunctional.

Yesterday I felt much better, but when I look in the mirror today, I see a person who is dead inside. I can't hide it, which stresses and worries me more. I'm so ugly today and I know it's because of depression and sleep deprivation. I wish I could accept my ugliness (caused by severe depression).

 

[SickJoke]

I feel dead inside and can't absorb information, I can't tolerate noise etc. Perhaps it's because I'm always alone in my room, but then, I know people who are lonely as well, but they are not as depressed and dysfunctional.

You absorbed the information in this thread in order to reply to it, did you not ?

 

[Argamemnon]

I like that attitude

Please don't judge me. You are not me. You haven't suffered from severe clinical depression and anxiety for years, have you? I have no friends, absolutely no social life whatsoever. I have never had a girlfriend, and I have never been able to hold any job. In the end, I failed at every job. Please give me one reason to be optimistic?

 

[Argamemnon]

You absorbed the information in this thread in order to reply to it, did you not ?

Yes, why?

1) Because I'm all alone and take my time without pressure.

2) It's much easier to absorb information when there aren't people around

3) I seem to come alive at night.

 

[SickJoke]

Please don't judge me. You are not me. You haven't suffered from severe clinical depression and anxiety for years, have you? I have no friends, absolutely no social life whatsoever. I have never had a girlfriend, and I have never been able to hold any job. In the end, I failed at every job. Please give me one reason why I should be optimistic?

That wasn't sarcasm. I really meant that. "Not giving a shit" can be a positive quality - it's empowering.

 

[Argamemnon]

That wasn't sarcasm. I really meant that. "Not giving a shit" can be a positive quality - it's empowering.

True, but do you agree or realize that for some people positive thinking doesn't do much. Even when I think positively I can feel dead inside and totally dysfunctional. I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this hell.

 

[Morgan01]

do you see a therapist maybe that could help with anxiety.

 

[SickJoke]

True, but do you agree or realize that for some people positive thinking doesn't do much? Even when I think positively I can feel dead inside and totally dysfunctional. I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this hell.

"Deserve"? You think you're being punished by someone? Look man you're a product of your genes and your environment - just like me and everyone else in this world. There's no one to blame. All you can do is deal with your current situation.

It's impossible to lie to yourself. So you can't think "I'm happy!" while you honestly believe that you're miserable; it won't do anything. You gotta find some motivation somewhere. You need values, reasons to live. Do you have any life goals? If you keep them in mind and work toward them, you'll find happiness.

 

[Argamemnon]

do you see a therapist maybe that could help with anxiety.

Yes, nothing has helped so far.

 

[Argamemnon]

"Deserve"? You think you're being punished by someone? Look man you're a product of your genes and your environment - just like me and everyone else in this world. There's no one to blame. All you can do is deal with your current situation.

It's impossible to lie to yourself. So you can't think "I'm happy!" while you honestly believe that you're miserable; it won't do anything. You gotta find some motivation somewhere. You need values, reasons to live. Do you have any life goals? If you keep them in mind and work toward them, you'll find happiness.

I don't know if I'm being punished, probably not. However, as I said earlier, I'm religious. I believe that God does test people to see how they react to certain hardships. In the end, you will be rewarded if you're patient. But this is irrelevant (I don't want to discuss religion).

I agree with having life goals, values and reasons to live. I don't really have those. Moreover, I have no friends and no social life. All these factors combined make things harder.