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[Nicki_09]

Hi everyone, new to this! My SP has gotten so much worse the last few months. I've literally forgotten how to talk to people...I start talking and get so anxious about what the other person is thinking and end up muddling up all my words. I can't walk down the street without thinking that everyone is staring at me and judging me. I literally cant say anything without the other person interrupting after about 5 seconds. Does anyone else get this too? I get so mad in my head, i just want to shout listen to me!! I've always been nice and listened to people when they're talking and expect people to listen back but they just don't. I can only be friends with people if I know they'll listen to me. Talking in front of one person is hard enough and 2 people is just a massive no no.

If someone is talking to me I think 'now what shall i say?' do i talk about myself now or ask a question? I just can't go with the flow of conversation and nothing comes into my head of what to say next. When there's a silence I just think what shall i say!?! and I get so panicky.

If I have to make a phone call I'll have to write down what I'm going to have to say first...and it'll take me hours to make the call. I've lost friends over the years & literally can't make new ones. I went to uni and came home after 3 years having made 2 friends!!
I can't go into town by myself for fear of seeing someone i'll know - i'll have to look around everywhere on the look out for people who'll recognize me. If I see someone I know i'll run a mile. I'll pretend in my head that I'll see someone and I'll have to rehearse what i'd say to them...i.e 'how are you? what are you up too these days?'

I have so many irrational thoughts - If I'm watching TV all I think is - how are they talking so freely and confidently?? How are they not getting all chocked up and panicky with the thought of people judging them? I just ask myself a million questions in my head. If I'm watching a film I have to think 'omg how am I going to explain to someone what this film is about?' And i'll have to go over how I'd say it in my head. I'm so awkward to be around it's ridiculous.

My whole life I've never wanted to be 'me'...I've always looked at other people and thought I wish I was you. I've always wanted to be in with certain groups at school and different places of work - but I've never been accepted in. I've spent all my life going to school - coming home and sitting in front of the TV or online as no one's ever wanted to meet up with me.

I know that I'm boring - I don't have many friends and I just think is this really worth all this pain? Does anyone else experience things like I do?

I wish there was a place somewhere where all people with Social Phobia could go and live! We'd all have the same problem so everyone would understand.

 

[market.garden]

Welcome to the forum

I struggle to keep conversations flowing too... like I'm always having to mentally prepare the next sentence or reply when I'm talking to someone - I often end up suddenly realising that I haven't said anything at all when its my turn so it looks like I've not been listening :|

 

[Nathália]

Hello Nickie 09 and Welcome.

I get it. It is hard to make phone calls and to have back and foward conversation in person with people. It's okay it's a common symptom people with social anxiety have. My mind goes blank too and I find myself lost sometimes when it comes to conversations. I thought something eles was going on with me, but I found out that it's part of my anxiety. I hide from people I kind of know also. Hey. I would like an intoverted society, I don't know about other people, but I agree.

 

[ykumar]

I always felt my life was the worst . I hav had a feeling of escaping away.l never imagined there was any1 else with such probs as SA.

 

[Srijita52]

Hi Nicki, welcome to SPW. I'm sorry about what you're going through, and yeah I'm exactly same. I don't know what else to say except for hang in there, I hope things get better.

 

[crazypants]

Hi Nicki!

I'm new here too! I can relate to A LOT of what you are saying. My anxiety comes out through sweating, so when I get nervous talking to people, I don't so much mumble my words, I just end up sweating profusely! I'm chatting like a normal person, but in my mind I'm screaming, "OMG, Stop sweating! Stop Sweating! They think you're crazy!" LOL! Embarrassing!

I agree about having our own society. I'd called it Anxietytown! Or maybe Anxietyshire for you Brits! No one would get mad when you didn't call them, and no one would look at each other walking down the street. Sounds perfect!

 

[dyingtolive]

welcome !

 

[karl:-/]

I feel for you nicking :-( fortunately I can talk to people but don't go out as I've got bad HH. I long to be around people but my fears of them noticing my problem and then over thinking the whole situation puts a stop to me meeting people/partner. This site can help with, other peoples posts contain coping methods, pills they may have tried, maybe go see your gp?? I see your point too about a place we all could meet up or live would be good may have its draw backs tho... I hope you can find the help you need.

 

[Ignace]

Yeah TV people, how do they do it huh.
For myself, I have problems too when it comes to explaining things or keeping the chat going. I have words in my head and when I speak them they're a complete mix of those words and i mess up my order of words, lol.
Be yourself though, it's who you are and you shouldn't want to be someone else.
For now, this is where we live. ::
Welcome here !

 

[Gaucho]

hello welcome

 

[bcsr]

hello and welcome.

 

[Bustn Justin]

Welcome to the forum.

I relate to what you said that you do not want to be you. I always think I will have a more fulfilled life if I am a completely different person.

 

[upndwn]

Hi, welcome to SPW Nicki

 

[Sup Phyl]

Hello and welcome to the forum,
I have had exactly the same problem since I can remember. I was also at university for 3 years and made no friends, I still can't understand how come everyone else made friends and I didn't. I always have to rehearse what to say and end up regretting what I said anyway. Don't think your problems are because you are boring or unlikeable, or any other negative quality you ascribe yourself, as I doubt you are those things.
I hope this site proves helpful to you.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[mrlonely1]

Hello nicki we are on the same boat here. I usually make someone else make the phone calls for me cause I start thinking I'm going to say something stupid or mess up and that the person well laugh or make fun of me. I know they won't make fun of me but my overthinking beats me and my anxiety kicks in and can't make a phone call. I'm not a timid person but just like you I can't start or keep a conversation, I don't know why but my mind blanks out and the only thing I can think of are the questions of what to say. I only have one friend cause he would listen to what I have to say but that's why I joined here so I can make more friends. Friends that well listen and understand what we are going through. I hope you get better cause like I said I know what your going through and its not a good feeling not being yourself and confident with other people. To me joining this forum is my first step to becoming myself and to stop being an overthinker