New here...for my son

[xansmom]

I am new here and I am looking for more information for me. My son is 8 going on 9 soon. He has had extreme social anxiety since I can pretty much remember. It really wasn't noticable until he started school..for years, all I heard from his teachers was "how shy" he was, this past week I had a chance to sit down with all of his teachers, special education (he had a small speech problem when he was younger) and the school shrink, now that he's in middle school, it seems they are taking it more seriously, and he either has a severe social anxiety problem or some form of selective muteness.
We are working with his doctor, who is finally taking it seriously, we started him on a very low dose of Prozac and I have him scheduled to see someone for counseling at the end of next month(it's the soonest I can get him in)
I guess I'm looking for people who are going through the same things, been through it or just have advice.

Thanks for reading all my rambling!

 

[Danfalc]

Hi, theres loads of good posts on here about all sorts of subjects to do with social anxiety shyness... ect so if you have a root through the forums im sure you will find some topics which will help.Also post if you have any questions most people are more than happy to help if they can.ANd welcome to the forum

Im really sorry your son is going through this But the brilliant thing is they have caught it early and are taking it seriously... which they should do because its a hard illness to live with and left unchecked and untreated into adulthood it can get worse.But yeah if they are dealing with it now while hes young... they might be able to nip it into the bud so to speak before it gets more complicated.

I dont want to tell you what to do or what not to do concerning your son because i have no place to,but if you can id maybe try and keep him off medication and see how therapy goes on its own first,but i can appreciate if its affecting him badly meds might be a necasary thing.theres also c.b.t therapy which while not works for everyone has a very high succsess rate so its worth asking about that.Anyway again welcome to the forum and i hope things work out for your soon.

 

[xansmom]

I appreciate any advice at all, I will not take offense, we have been dealing with this for so long, that honestly I had really no other options left. We tried everything else, other than the counseling, although they have been working with him in the school, but there is only so much they can do too. His doctor was completely against it yet, until he got the information from our school, ourselves and to see him again in person. We don't expect to have him on the Prozac for long term, some of the studies that I have read and people I have talked to, depending on how far into it he is, there is a chance that in a matter of speaking, to reteach himself, perhaps I'm wrong here but atleast now I have some hope.

The other thing that I'm sure does not help is the fact that my son is no normal 8 year old, he was very small at birth, but ever since has been growing at an extremely rapid rate, he is 5'2" and about 130lbs, almost the same size as me, so while I do think that some kids may pick on him for it, a lot of them actually look to him as a protector, from what I understand most of the kids at school really like him.

Our doctor did suggest that when we called about therapy that it be with someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy in children.
It's so hard to see that he wants to be with the other kids, playing, but for whatever reason, now I know the anxiety, he has never been able to.

My husband had pretty given up last year, after an incident involving a sport my son wanted to play. They spent very little time together, but now that we are getting somewhere on why he is the way he is, my hubby is being much more supportive and trying to make extra time for him during the spring break, it breaks my heart that it took getting to this point, but I'm glad to have this help.

 

[Caseums21]

I'm sorry to hear about your son. I'm 23 and I have SA and I don't know if it's from him hanging out with me or what but my 9 year old god-son is starting to be the same way.

Neither of us are on medications and I refuse to. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but personally I just don't trust them. His dad and I signed him up for therapy. He kinda sounds like your son. For being shy, wants to hang out with kids but can't, etc. He used to skateboard all the time with friends but up till about 6 months ago, he just stays in his room and doesn't talk to anyone.

Whatever you do, you or your husband can't give up. If you two give up, so will your son. It's a mental thing and it takes time and patience. I know it's hard to figure out what to do and to hope that he will get over the social anxiety. At least you did things that some parents won't do. You went to the teachers, went to doctors, and now on this forum. I really wish I knew what to tell you but there's no one way to "cure" this. Keep doing what you are doing.

Like what Danfalc said, message any questions and we will try to help. Sorry that I couldn't be much use.

 

[theloneliest]

i was just as shy

I was just as shy as a kid, and nothing can be done. I now talk to no one and I think I am going crazy. I am too shy to talk to a therapist, no matter how much they force me to. I just joke around with people all day, but no type of personal questions, I will get out of answering them.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I think it's fantastic that you are advocating for your son! I wish my parents had done that for me, instead of ignoring the signs of SA. I hope he is doing well.

 

[KiaKaha]

I think the fact that you have enough insight about your son and what he is going through speaks volumes about your parenting and love for your child. I only wish that my parents had enough insight for me at that age.

Anyway, I dont like dispensing advice too much about SA because for one, I dont feel confident enough to do so and would not want to lead you astray, and secondly I am terrible with social skills myself and still trying to figure out what MY problem is. I do know though, that because of your intervention, especially during childhood, that you will make an immense difference in his life, and that is more than anyone suffering from any kind of illness can possibly ask for.

 

[Waybuloo]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can remember that I was about this age that anxiety and social phobia really started to escalate into what it is today. Don't worry I'm not saying your son would end up with a full blown disorder at my age, also the fact that you and your husband are working together to support him through this and the early intervention is crucial in my opinion.

I think Prozac is a very last option kind of thing to try, as I am against medication when other methods are available, especially when somebody has not been diagnosed properly by a psychiatrist, as is in the case of your son from your information.

My view is that if he has social anxiety, then something or a series of events must have happened to trigger his flight response, and therefore the behaviour that you see today. Cognotive Behaviour Therapy has been proven to work in treating this along with proper medication if beneficial. If he is autistic in some way then he really needs proper diagnosis and treatment from psychiatrists and/or therapists, and Prozac really is not the answer.

I remember not feeling good when adults pointed out my faults, so may I suggest don't patronise him or let other people verbalise in front of him what is wrong with him. Instead be positively encouraging and supportive. You are probably doing all the good things, but i'm just saying that as a child scrutiny and criticism made me feel more worthless and hopeless. I liked hugs from mummy a lot love and knowing that you are accepted no matter what can be very healing, never underestimate that!

Know this though, it might just be a shy phase that he is going through and would grow out of in time. You have not actually said what he thinks about this. Have you talked to him about this one to one? Try to ask what is bothering him, talk to him on his level instead of having an intervention with school teachers which can be scary for a kid.

I hope you keep us updated with your son's progress and that you find the responses here useful or at least comforting in some way.

 

[krissypf]

you can try a therapeutic school. i went to one. it really helps because the class sizes are small, and there a in-school therapists. in my school we had individual therapy twice a week, group therapy twice a week, and we also had family with our individual therapist once a week.
it may take some time to open up to the therapist, but that's what the process calls for. answering little questions like "do you like school?" & "why?" or "why not?" helps and is easy to start with. the therapist also help and keep up with how the student's doing in classes. my therapist would help me with planning projects, papers, etc.
group therapy can be intimidating at first, but if you start at the beginning of the school year people would usually get to know one another at the same pace, because most of them may not know each other yet. your son would have the opportunity to get to know his peers and become more comfortable around them as he gets to know them, even if he just listens and learns about them.
family therapy would be beneficial to both of you. usually the students individual therapist would run the session and can discuss what the spoke about in their individual sessions. it would allow you to be on the same page as each other, and would also benefit your relationship with him.
my mom would call my therapist and would help her when she didn't know what was going on.
therapeutic schools a lot more understanding and specialized in your son's needs. my public school didn't really know anything about me, or what to do. i wasn't really talking or going to class, so they told me to call my mom to pick me up i never went back.
my therapeutic school was much more involved with me on a fairly, but appropriate, personal level and were involved with my therapeutic treatment.
and it really did help that there weren't nearly as much kids crowding the hallways and classrooms as there are in public schools. each academic class had about 6 or 7 students.
the teachers also know you better that way. they also inform their student's therapist about missing assignments and patterns in school work/home work.

 

[dottie]

i do not agree with putting your 8 year old son on meds because of social anxiety. that is not going to fix anything and he is still developing!

accept him as he is. he may be an aspie and have special needs to adapt to the world. this means he needs extra nurturing in some areas (not drugs). don't coddle him, but do make sure he gets warmth, acceptance, affection, and reassurance.

i sent you a pm.

 

[Ignace]

I don't know what would really be the best. I don't believe in therapy. What you could try is to go to a lot of events with your son. Let him talk, force him a bit. It's better to force him this young then waiting till he's a teen. Teen's are hard to force. At least that's my opinion about it.

 

[cricket]

I think it's fantastic that you are advocating for your son! I wish my parents had done that for me, instead of ignoring the signs of SA. I hope he is doing well.

hey i agree, it is great to see a parent here looking to learn about their child and do their best to help them out. welcome to the site, i hope you find what you are looking for here

 

[Darryl]

Important to look after yourself aswell.