Hi, I'm new. My name is Melissa, and I'm 19 years old (about to be 20 in two weeks). I'm not entirely sure where to post this thread, so the adminstrators can move this if needed.
This is my story and I have a question behind this huge wall of text I'm about to write.
I used to have social anxiety/social phobia. I grew up depressed. I think the two of them linked together because for one, depression and anxiety runs in my family, and two, I'm hard of hearing so I think that's part of the reason why a lot of my anxiety happened. I'd always been depressed since I was little, and I've been seeing a therapist since I was about four. I've also been really anxiety ridden too, which is another reason I saw a therapist at such a young age. When I went to pre-school, I became a selective mute. I was mute except around my immediate family. In second grade, my teacher got me to start talking in front of everyone, so then I was no longer a selective mute. This was due to my anxiety, and the fact that I am hard of hearing and the fact I can't hear everything which causes paranoia that people are talking about me behind my back. I don't really remember why I stopped talking at such a young age, but I realize now it's because of my anxiety.
Flash forward to 9th grade. I started dating this kid who treated me very badly. He did some pretty bad stuff to me but I won't get into that because that's a different story. Anyway, after that I was very afraid to date anyone, but I met this other guy in 10th grade and trusted him enough to date him. During the very short period of time that we dated, I started cutting. I don't entirely remember why I started to cut my self, but all I know it wasn't his fault at all. All I know is I'd been threatening myself of cutting since 7th grade and finally got the guts to do it in 10th grade. I ended up in the hospital and met this girl, who got me into a lot of bad things such as drinking and smoking cigarettes. As bad as that was for me, that was a huge turning point in my life. For the better. I started getting more comfortable around people and being happier, the happiest I'd ever been in my entire life. My anxiety and depression were being covered by the alcoholism, however I learned from that when I stopped and realized I am a new person, I can talk to people and be comfortable around people. Well, once school started up again in 11th grade, it went back to anxiety depression etc. I spent most of that year hiding from everyone, once I went to the bathroom and cut myself. I got suspended once for smoking on school grounds. One time I went to the nurse because I had a headache, she sent me home because I hadn't been to her at all in my high school years and she thought it was severe enough to go home (although my intention for going was to get some advil). After that I started getting sick to my stomach, a lot. I went to the nurse almost daily asking if I could go home and she would send me home most of the time.
Oh before I keep going I need to mention something: My mom has had two sudden cardiac arrests (it's not a heart attack, it's when your heart actually stops) and she has survived both times and is as healthy as healthy can get for anyone who has had heart problems.
Anyway, my mom had her second cardiac arrest and was home from work for six weeks, so most of the time I would be calling her from school asking her to call the office saying I needed to come home. My anxiety was the worst it had ever been that year. I cried a lot because I thought people were talking about me behind my back, I felt so paranoid that people were laughing at me and talking about me. I was worried that people could see my scars every day and I had an art class that required me to roll my sleeves up (ceramics/pottery making). I ended up dropping out of high school because my anxiety and depression was that bad. I was in the hospital my third time when I dropped out.
Walking into school every day was the worst thing I could ever do. It had been like that ever since I was a little girl. My mom has told me that I used to stiffen up with just the idea of having to go to school. I used to have panic attacks just thinking about having to go to school. After I dropped out of school, I spent the year working on getting my GED and working intensely on getting myself better.
I won't get into detail now about how I got over my social anxiety and depression, I'll write another thread eventually about that and I'm more than willing to give advice out when people ask for it.
Anyway! The reason I wrote all of this is to ask a question and also give you my background.
Now that I've gotten over my anxiety and depression, I realized that I am not a shy person at all. I've just been so anxiety ridden that I haven't developed the social skills I need to not come off as shy. My question is, does anyone here know how I can develop the social skills I need?
This is my story and I have a question behind this huge wall of text I'm about to write.
I used to have social anxiety/social phobia. I grew up depressed. I think the two of them linked together because for one, depression and anxiety runs in my family, and two, I'm hard of hearing so I think that's part of the reason why a lot of my anxiety happened. I'd always been depressed since I was little, and I've been seeing a therapist since I was about four. I've also been really anxiety ridden too, which is another reason I saw a therapist at such a young age. When I went to pre-school, I became a selective mute. I was mute except around my immediate family. In second grade, my teacher got me to start talking in front of everyone, so then I was no longer a selective mute. This was due to my anxiety, and the fact that I am hard of hearing and the fact I can't hear everything which causes paranoia that people are talking about me behind my back. I don't really remember why I stopped talking at such a young age, but I realize now it's because of my anxiety.
Flash forward to 9th grade. I started dating this kid who treated me very badly. He did some pretty bad stuff to me but I won't get into that because that's a different story. Anyway, after that I was very afraid to date anyone, but I met this other guy in 10th grade and trusted him enough to date him. During the very short period of time that we dated, I started cutting. I don't entirely remember why I started to cut my self, but all I know it wasn't his fault at all. All I know is I'd been threatening myself of cutting since 7th grade and finally got the guts to do it in 10th grade. I ended up in the hospital and met this girl, who got me into a lot of bad things such as drinking and smoking cigarettes. As bad as that was for me, that was a huge turning point in my life. For the better. I started getting more comfortable around people and being happier, the happiest I'd ever been in my entire life. My anxiety and depression were being covered by the alcoholism, however I learned from that when I stopped and realized I am a new person, I can talk to people and be comfortable around people. Well, once school started up again in 11th grade, it went back to anxiety depression etc. I spent most of that year hiding from everyone, once I went to the bathroom and cut myself. I got suspended once for smoking on school grounds. One time I went to the nurse because I had a headache, she sent me home because I hadn't been to her at all in my high school years and she thought it was severe enough to go home (although my intention for going was to get some advil). After that I started getting sick to my stomach, a lot. I went to the nurse almost daily asking if I could go home and she would send me home most of the time.
Oh before I keep going I need to mention something: My mom has had two sudden cardiac arrests (it's not a heart attack, it's when your heart actually stops) and she has survived both times and is as healthy as healthy can get for anyone who has had heart problems.
Anyway, my mom had her second cardiac arrest and was home from work for six weeks, so most of the time I would be calling her from school asking her to call the office saying I needed to come home. My anxiety was the worst it had ever been that year. I cried a lot because I thought people were talking about me behind my back, I felt so paranoid that people were laughing at me and talking about me. I was worried that people could see my scars every day and I had an art class that required me to roll my sleeves up (ceramics/pottery making). I ended up dropping out of high school because my anxiety and depression was that bad. I was in the hospital my third time when I dropped out.
Walking into school every day was the worst thing I could ever do. It had been like that ever since I was a little girl. My mom has told me that I used to stiffen up with just the idea of having to go to school. I used to have panic attacks just thinking about having to go to school. After I dropped out of school, I spent the year working on getting my GED and working intensely on getting myself better.
I won't get into detail now about how I got over my social anxiety and depression, I'll write another thread eventually about that and I'm more than willing to give advice out when people ask for it.
Anyway! The reason I wrote all of this is to ask a question and also give you my background.
Now that I've gotten over my anxiety and depression, I realized that I am not a shy person at all. I've just been so anxiety ridden that I haven't developed the social skills I need to not come off as shy. My question is, does anyone here know how I can develop the social skills I need?
