Never had a girlfriend - anybody else have the same problem?

[Sebr3]

Hi everyone,

I just joined this forum today to see if there were any other guys in the same predicament that I am in.

I am a 39 year old who has never had a girlfriend, nor has any woman shown any romantic interest in me, Don't get me wrong I have asked lots of women out but I always get rejected. But at the end of the day, my chronic lack of good looks has effectively written me off in the dating arena (and please don't tell me looks don't count when it comes to attracting women, BECAUSE THEY DO!!!).

After a while, the constant rejections beat you down so badly, your confidence effectively gets destroyed, and as such you no longer have any desire to approach women. Instead you take the easy way out and just pay a hooker when your sex drive gets the better of you.

Last December, I was thinking about seeing a dating coach, but to tell you the truth, I think these guys are just snake oil salesmen who prey on vulnerable and lonely guys like me.

Not being able to get a girlfriend, does get me down, but to forget about this, I now work a second job filling supermarket shelves, not only do I make some extra income in addition to my full time job, it also keeps me in shape. The thing that does make me mad, is when people make fun of you, and make out there's something wrong with you just because you can't pick up a supermodel every night.

Anyway, I am not trying to draw anyones sympathy, as there are people who are worse off than me, I would just like to know if there any other guys who have never had girlfriends.

Please, no smart arse comments, I am only interested in hearing from other men who have the same problem I do.

Peace.

 

[Gone]

Yes i agree that looks counts more then people admit, and yeah, ive never had a girlfriend. Now im only 23 but i suspect il be the same when im 39.
Heck ive never even held hands with a female or held a conversation (except the regular 'Hello' to the local supermarket girl).

I almost don't care about that stuff anymore, im more busy with getting from one day to another, but all this talk about relationships here on the chat is getting me back to wanting again, sigh.

 

[Kien]

Hi man. I'm 20 and last time I even hugged a non-family like girl was when I was 15. I have never kissed anyone. I don't suffer much from it though. We don't need women.

 

[Sebr3]

Yes i agree that looks counts more then people admit, and yeah, ive never had a girlfriend. Now im only 23 but i suspect il be the same when im 39.
Heck ive never even held hands with a female or held a conversation (except the regular 'Hello' to the local supermarket girl).

I almost don't care about that stuff anymore, im more busy with getting from one day to another, but all this talk about relationships here on the chat is getting me back to wanting again, sigh.

I am glad to hear that it does not get you down, and that you are happy with life.

Are the girls where you live friendly and approachable??

Here in Sydney, Australia, the women here tend to be very cold and snobbish, and will not talk to you, unless you are rich and handsome.

 

[Argamemnon]

I'm a 31 year old male, and I too have never had a girlfriend. I've never visited a prostitute either. You are definitely not alone, trust me. You should check some older threads on this site and see yourself.

 

[CPA23]

Yes i agree that looks counts more then people admit, and yeah, ive never had a girlfriend. Now im only 23 but i suspect il be the same when im 39.
Heck ive never even held hands with a female or held a conversation (except the regular 'Hello' to the local supermarket girl).

I almost don't care about that stuff anymore, im more busy with getting from one day to another, but all this talk about relationships here on the chat is getting me back to wanting again, sigh.

I'm in the same situation, Gone. I'm also 23 and the only physical contact that I've had with women is an occasional hug. This is very pathetic since girls compliment me a lot. It all has to do with confidence. I just don't feel confident (socially) and I always think that I will somehow mess up. SA has also made me not trust people as I don't have any close friends. It hurts so bad because I am a good person and I know I can be a good friend. I just have to put myself out there, but that is much easier said than done.

 

[anarchben]

i'm turning 19 and have never had a gf or kissed a girl or had any real friends that are girls. At one point i started getting close to a girl i worked with and we were real friendly with each other but my own insecurities and self-conciousness ruined it.. certain reasons prevent me from making new friends or approaching girls in a relationship sense.. i just hope im not like this forever

 

[Richey]

I really don't know what to say, its certainly not easy for certain guys who in todays society are sort of almost expected to make the first move ..

my only advice is to literally go places as often as you can, ive been along to 3 music festivals this year and two girls just ran up to me said "Hi" and wanted to hang out, the first girl was super nice and had a cute icelandic accent and wanted me to walk her to see rage against the machine, but i lost her later in the crowd without asking for a number, the second had to leave suddenly to meet her friend, i hadnt met them before or said a word to them prior to it ..

so no friendshipeventuated out of it, but it was an encouraging sign and its motivated me to show spontaneous interest in strangers more then i normally would ...because ive seen other people try it on me ..

what do you have to lose? either you try and make friends even if it doesnt go smoothly or you never see them again and you say nothing ...

if you stay idle chances become more limited to meet people ..

embrace the feeling of falling over and learning from it, see it as a good thing ..

 

[Lawliet]

Re: Never had a girlfriend - anybody else have the same prob

Never had a girlfriend,but it was not because girls didnt approach me,they did when they realised I wouldnt do the first move,had a lot of chances,but I threw all out of the window......

 

[recluse]

Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.

Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.

Shit time is running out!

 

[wooaah]

man same boat. i've had a bunch of friends that are girls, but no girlfriends. i just clam up around them and hey, i don't look too great either. Need tips!! theres gotta be successful people on this forum too in this department who can give advice.

 

[Kien]

Girls only want to friends with nice guys.

 

[Rainbowstar]

Hi Sebr 3,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm 24. I don't have a girlfriend and the only girls I know are acquaintances. In my family, everyone is a male except my mum and I went to a boy's school. So, I've had minimal experience with girls. I'm at uni now and I'm starting to chat more to girls and learning how to communicate with them.

Regarding your comments about good looks, some girls may go for good looks others for personalities or both. It is interesting to note that good looking couples don't necessarily have the best relationships (Jennifer Anistron and Brad Pitt, Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe). Also, many good looking Hong Kong pop stars are single.

My approach would be to keep finding the right person. I would rather be single and keep searching rather than be a unsatisfying and unfulfilling relationship. Personality does count in the long run. People get accustomed to the good looks and it is personality that matters when problems occur in a relationship. Every relationship is going to have problems (e.g. arguments etc) and this is when the right personality matters (e.g. maturity), not looks. That's my view.

 

[Sebr3]

Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.

Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.

Shit time is running out!

Hi there Recluse, yes I can certainly relate to your story and I can feel your pain.

People who are not in our situation, will often dispense the same old tired advice eg. "you need confidence" etc,etc. What these people don't realise is that confidence is not something you can buy from a shop, or you get from a pill prescribed by your Doctor.

Confidence comes from three words, they are: "Previous, Performance, Accomplishment", which basically means if you know you have done it before successfully you know you can do it again. When shy and quiet guys like me keep getting rejected (even by ugly women), your confidence gets beaten down so badly, any motivation you have to approach women effectively gets killed, because you are not confident of success.

Yes, unfortunately the asshole guys,aka bad boys and thugs, sadly seem to be more successful at dating than us nice guys. But in the end, the braindead females that date and sometimes marry these creeps will end up getting burned, so no loss there. With regards to that asshole at your workplace who put you down, that was very cruel and insensitive, he sounds like the type of guy who laughs at people in wheelchairs or people who are mentally or physically handicapped. He is just a prick, and you should ignore him.

You are still a young man at 27, and I hope you find the woman of your dreams, you sound like a decent person. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the answer to our problems with women, as I have never had any success myself.

All the best to you.

 

[Sebr3]

I'm a 31 year old male, and I too have never had a girlfriend. I've never visited a prostitute either. You are definitely not alone, trust me. You should check some older threads on this site and see yourself.

Thank you for post, although I have never had a girlfriend, unfortunately my only "intimacy" (if you can call that?), with women, has been as a result of me paying a prostitute. Paying a prostitute is not something I am proud of, nor would I recommend other men to do the same, as it is ones own personal choice. But at the end of the day, I am a man who has needs, and as I am not able to establish relationships with women, then paying for sex is my only option.

 

[Argamemnon]

Thank you for post, although I have never had a girlfriend, unfortunately my only "intimacy" (if you can call that?), with women, has been as a result of me paying a prostitute. Paying a prostitute is not something I am proud of, nor would I recommend other men to do the same, as it is ones own personal choice. But at the end of the day, I am a man who has needs, and as I am not able to establish relationships with women, then paying for sex is my only option.

I understand.. as for me; I'm even too shy to visit a prostitute. I'm actually fairly good looking (according to other people) and nobody understands my problems except fellow sufferers of SA.

 

[Zarrix]

Never has a girl-friend, and haven't even come close tbh. Just get way too nervous around them to even think about the next step =(

 

[shyjames21]

Same here

I have the same problems I can never approach girls because I know I dont have anything of interest to talk about. Im not very confident with my looks either, even though I've been told im good looking. I just become very uncomfortable when around girls.

For example I was out for a friend's birthday last saturday and there were quite a few of my close friends out. I was introduced to my friends uni flatmate who was absolutely hot! and was told she was single by my other friends. I was getting encouraged by my friends to try and 'pull' her but I couldnt do it. I was scared of what to say and how she would react if I approached her.

I suppose the whole thing jus comes naturally to some people;

(lucky B******s!)

 

[recluse]

Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.

Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.

Shit time is running out!

Hi there Recluse, yes I can certainly relate to your story and I can feel your pain.

People who are not in our situation, will often dispense the same old tired advice eg. "you need confidence" etc,etc. What these people don't realise is that confidence is not something you can buy from a shop, or you get from a pill prescribed by your Doctor.

Confidence comes from three words, they are: "Previous, Performance, Accomplishment", which basically means if you know you have done it before successfully you know you can do it again. When shy and quiet guys like me keep getting rejected (even by ugly women), your confidence gets beaten down so badly, any motivation you have to approach women effectively gets killed, because you are not confident of success.

Yes, unfortunately the asshole guys,aka bad boys and thugs, sadly seem to be more successful at dating than us nice guys. But in the end, the braindead females that date and sometimes marry these creeps will end up getting burned, so no loss there. With regards to that asshole at your workplace who put you down, that was very cruel and insensitive, he sounds like the type of guy who laughs at people in wheelchairs or people who are mentally or physically handicapped. He is just a prick, and you should ignore him.

You are still a young man at 27, and I hope you find the woman of your dreams, you sound like a decent person. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the answer to our problems with women, as I have never had any success myself.

All the best to you.

Hi. It's true that confidence is not something that can be brought. A person must take the risk and realise that rejection is a fact of life, but a shy person with low self esteem like myself will not take that risk in the first place, i mean every guy has been rejected at some point but confident guys seem to be able to shrug the rejection off, whereas guys like us are hurt deeply by rejection and we only remember the things which have hurt us.

Well this guy at work even makes fun of his ''friends'' so what chance is there for anyone else if he is this disloyal? He is not exactly popular at work because he is a poser, but i've seen him when i used to out drinking with workmates with a different girl each time. This is one reason why i don't bother going with my workmates drinking anymore (not even at Christmas)

 

[Sebr3]

Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.

Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.

Shit time is running out!

Hi there Recluse, yes I can certainly relate to your story and I can feel your pain.

People who are not in our situation, will often dispense the same old tired advice eg. "you need confidence" etc,etc. What these people don't realise is that confidence is not something you can buy from a shop, or you get from a pill prescribed by your Doctor.

Confidence comes from three words, they are: "Previous, Performance, Accomplishment", which basically means if you know you have done it before successfully you know you can do it again. When shy and quiet guys like me keep getting rejected (even by ugly women), your confidence gets beaten down so badly, any motivation you have to approach women effectively gets killed, because you are not confident of success.

Yes, unfortunately the asshole guys,aka bad boys and thugs, sadly seem to be more successful at dating than us nice guys. But in the end, the braindead females that date and sometimes marry these creeps will end up getting burned, so no loss there. With regards to that asshole at your workplace who put you down, that was very cruel and insensitive, he sounds like the type of guy who laughs at people in wheelchairs or people who are mentally or physically handicapped. He is just a prick, and you should ignore him.

You are still a young man at 27, and I hope you find the woman of your dreams, you sound like a decent person. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the answer to our problems with women, as I have never had any success myself.

All the best to you.

Hi. It's true that confidence is not something that can be brought. A person must take the risk and realise that rejection is a fact of life, but a shy person with low self esteem like myself will not take that risk in the first place, i mean every guy has been rejected at some point but confident guys seem to be able to shrug the rejection off, whereas guys like us are hurt deeply by rejection and we only remember the things which have hurt us.

Well this guy at work even makes fun of his ''friends'' so what chance is there for anyone else if he is this disloyal? He is not exactly popular at work because he is a poser, but i've seen him when i used to out drinking with workmates with a different girl each time. This is one reason why i don't bother going with my workmates drinking anymore (not even at Christmas)

You have made some good points in particular regarding rejection.

Even the most accomplished womaniser or "player" sometimes gets rejected, I don't think there is a man on earth, who has a 100% success rate with women (unless he is Brad Pitt, or some other type of celebrity). Rejection itself is no such a bad thing, as long as you have a few successes along the way. Unfortunately, for us guys that have never had girlfriends, your confidence is low because you don't think you can do it, plus you don't have any success to measure yourself against.

Speaking for myself, I take rejection very personally, and find it very painful. It's not because I think I have a god given right to a girlfriend/wife, it's because you see men who treat women like shit succeed at dating, whereas us decent guys are left to rot alone. It's as if we are being punished for being brought up by good parents who taught us decency and respect, and treating others, the way you would liked to be treated.

Going to back to that jerk at your workplace, it sounds like he needs a good beating around the head, he sounds like a "category 5 wanker". Sadly, many women today find negative attributes in men (eg.abusive,rude,violent, unfaithful etc), as being attractive, and seem to gravitate towards these creeps like flies to shit. Whenever you hear a woman saids she wants a guy who is nice, don't believe her, she is full of shit, and is talking through her arse. Women love their bad boys and thugs, they seem to think that being a violent and abusive man is showing male strength, when we know this totally false.