I'll get straight to the point. I'm 21, never had a job, don't have my driver's license, never had a girlfriend + not even my first kiss yet, still living with my dad, I don't have really any confidence in myself that much, I don't know how to use credit cards, write checks, pay bills, taxes, change a light bulb, fix sink, fix a flat tire and so on. I just feel like a big LOSER! going to go no where in life. When I was in school I was bullied from time to time with having no back up from others. I have faith in God to lead me to the write path but it's just seems to not be working for me. Tired of being alone all the time. Never really go out anymore unless it's to the gym 3 days a week or going out with my dad with his girlfriend and her daughter to dinner and movie usually, But I hate being around them cause of there selfishness and rude acting sometimes which is ridiculous since my dad does a lot for his gf. My sister and I feel she is a gold digger and I'm starting to c it a lot as of late. My dad takes her out to dinner, movies, hotels, clubs, events, themeparks, took her to Las Vegas twice and she does not seem to ever really appreciate it -_- I'll end it with them. I don't have but 1 or 2 at the most friends. All my old ones just vanished out of the blue one day and we never spoke again which is very sad. Some of them even used me for money which my dad was trying to tell me back in the day but I did not listen to him until I got older and maturer. I can tell u that I'm not like most people just going out there into the world and starting out my life. I do believe I had some serious social anxiety for sure. I think having a girlfriend would help my confidence. But it just seems like no girls r ever interested in me. I really don't know why. I would not say I'm ugly that's a strong word. I'm no brad pitt or whatever but I would like to think I'm decent looking with a great sense of humor, good manners and respectful towards others, nice eyes and fitness body. The only time I am around girls is at the gym and when I try to make a connection with them they seem to never be interested in me or when I go to church on Sundays no girls ever talk to me so I guess I get the picture. If I had a girlfriend I would treat her like a queen, open doors for her, compliment her every day, never pressure her and just make her believe she could tell me anything. Of course I'm still a virgin and when that day comes I want it to be with someone special who I really love and care about. I get so lonely sometimes I just cry my eyes out but in the end never feels good. It's like everyone in my family just about has someone special in there life but me. Well.. I guess I'll stop it there. If anybody has some advice please reply would mean a lot to me. Thx for ur time and God bless :]
Need some advice please!
- Thread starter SadGuy101
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WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
My advice is: stop thinking like a virgin. Don't hold anything up on a pedestal
Love yourself, be confident and don't count on anything happening-- then things will happen for you.
That's it, really.
Confidence and self-esteem.
It doesn't matter if you're a virgin- doesn't matter if you don't have a car or if you live with your dad--- being 21 doesn't magically make you a 'grownup.'
Take your time to learn things and experience things.
Write down a list of things you'd like to do. Things like:
-a part time job
-a beginner's drivers license
-save some money
-...
Maybe try volunteering, work with a youth group, take your time to LEARN things and you will eventually know how to do all of the things you don't know how to do now.
Love yourself, be confident and don't count on anything happening-- then things will happen for you.
That's it, really.
Confidence and self-esteem.
It doesn't matter if you're a virgin- doesn't matter if you don't have a car or if you live with your dad--- being 21 doesn't magically make you a 'grownup.'
Take your time to learn things and experience things.
Write down a list of things you'd like to do. Things like:
-a part time job
-a beginner's drivers license
-save some money
-...
Maybe try volunteering, work with a youth group, take your time to LEARN things and you will eventually know how to do all of the things you don't know how to do now.
Rufus
Well-known member
I think you should start doing things for yourself.
Take some initiative, volunteer at a dog shelter. Just get your drivers license sorted. Try to make a little conversation when someone serves you when you're buying stuff.
Get your own little world going and then the bigger things will begin to work themselves out
DIY'ing life is so liberating. Don't do nothing.
Take some initiative, volunteer at a dog shelter. Just get your drivers license sorted. Try to make a little conversation when someone serves you when you're buying stuff.
Get your own little world going and then the bigger things will begin to work themselves out
DIY'ing life is so liberating. Don't do nothing.
Lowlight
Well-known member
First welcome to the forum. I had to reply because I feel we have very similar situations. Never had a job, no license, no girlfriend, and I live with my mom. It is a special sort of suffering that occurs when you are penned in like that. The one thing I am interested in hearing about is your belief in God if that's not too personal a question. Are you Catholic, Jew, Muslim, or any other denomination of religion. Though I am not a believer of sorts I can tell how much such a relationship with God can mean to a person. I had a friend who was going through really difficult times and the only way he managed to survive was through his faith. I think that your faith can be a bridge that will help you cross the river of social anxiety. In anyway I would really like to hear more about you and your situation. I hope things improve for you.
panicsurvivor
Well-known member
Yeah I agree. Your priorities are slightly off. You need to do things. Get your license, get a job, do things for yourself. Usually when you are unhappy, it shows. People are usually attracted to people who seem confident and happy. If you think that all you need is a girlfriend to be happy, I am afraid you are quite wrong about that. You will still be the same person with a girlfriend. Then after a few months you will make each other unhappy.
Once you start doing things for yourself, and getting into things, a girl will show up. Trust me, that is always how it happens.
Once you start doing things for yourself, and getting into things, a girl will show up. Trust me, that is always how it happens.
Steppen-Wolf
Well-known member
And there's the problem.
You can't go from never kissed a girl to finding true love in a single step.
Also, desperation is always a bad ingredient for a relationship and girls can sense it from a mile away even if you don't see it yourself.
Simple fact is, I don't think you're ready even for a very basic romantic relationship right now because there is a lot about yourself you need to work on, start doing things on your own, which would probably be scary as hell but if you truly want it you can do it little by little.
With time you'll start feeling less like a dependent child and more like a young man, your self confidence will grow and at least some girls should start noticing you.
But don't expect to find love or the "perfect" girl on your first experience, altough I can guarantee you no matter who she is you will feel she's perfect just because it will be your first experience.
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Mr_Vabanque
Active member
Hi sadguy,
people are usually very resistant to good (or bad) advise, we rarely move on a rational basis. So I'm not gonna tell you at what time to get out of bed and how many times to go to the gym. I advise you to start thinking, that means, know who you are. Try asking yourself, what do you think are the important things in life ?, what do you really enjoy doing? For instance, you write that you go to the gym 3 times a week, why do you do that? Instead of being overrun by things, take your time and think things through.
The ancient greeks, they knew how the cookie crumbles.
people are usually very resistant to good (or bad) advise, we rarely move on a rational basis. So I'm not gonna tell you at what time to get out of bed and how many times to go to the gym. I advise you to start thinking, that means, know who you are. Try asking yourself, what do you think are the important things in life ?, what do you really enjoy doing? For instance, you write that you go to the gym 3 times a week, why do you do that? Instead of being overrun by things, take your time and think things through.
The ancient greeks, they knew how the cookie crumbles.
