Need for constant approval.
- Thread starter BlueDays
- Start date
Dinosaur
Well-known member
I just got to a point quite some time ago that the frustration of not getting eveyones approval lead me to a 'f*ck you all' attitude and just did what pleased me and live my life by my own standards
This is probably why now i have basically no friends or family so i would not recommend it but its my storie
This is probably why now i have basically no friends or family so i would not recommend it but its my storie
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
I hate to say it, but I've kind of become the same way. Guess we need to find a happy medium! :I just got to a point quite some time ago that the frustration of not getting eveyones approval lead me to a 'f*ck you all' attitude and just did what pleased me and live my life by my own standards
This is probably why now i have basically no friends or family so i would not recommend it but its my storie
:Razzlecherry
Banned
I just got to a point quite some time ago that the frustration of not getting eveyones approval lead me to a 'f*ck you all' attitude and just did what pleased me and live my life by my own standards
This is probably why now i have basically no friends or family so i would not recommend it but its my storie
Holy crud, I'm kind of like that. It's not that severe though.
But yeah, I need approval all the time. But it doesn't bother me so much when I don't get it, but rather when I get disapproval. That's what bothers the hell outta me.
MikeyC
Well-known member
I think there needs to be a balance between desiring approval and making your own path. Finding that balance can be problematic, though.I just got to a point quite some time ago that the frustration of not getting eveyones approval lead me to a 'f*ck you all' attitude and just did what pleased me and live my life by my own standards
This is probably why now i have basically no friends or family so i would not recommend it but its my storie
I still want people's approval on a lot of my actions, and I'm doing better now than I used to.
Srijita52
Well-known member
I'm glad you're doing better. How did you get better btw? For me, needing other's approval even for the smallest stuff is becoming a huge problem.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Just time, and probably being a little bit more bitter. School was bad for that because I was never a popular boy, so getting approval and being nice to others is what I thought would make me popular, but that, of course, never happened.
I'm sorry it's becoming a problem for you, Srijita. I think you just have to accept that people are not going to be always approving, but that's a difficult hurdle to overcome.
I still struggle with it, but it got beat out of me to any extend. Now I only feel the need for approval from the people I personally respect.
Behind the scenes, I'm active and quite a number of controversial groups/fandoms that are targeted constantly by people whom would sooner see the member/participants dead rather then alive. I'm not going to specify which out of fear people would actually start to look at me differently, but the interest of these groups are strictly personal and don't affect others in any way, shape or form. However, bigotry and misunderstanding doesn't need much motive to thrive.
This being the internet, it's easier to shrug off. And while I talk/participate openly under aliases on the internet, I'd never expose it in real life out of fear I'd actually get hurt. But safe as it is to do it one the internet, it did do a number on my respect for peoples capability to tolerate things alien to themselves.
People aren't as enlightened and educated as they sometimes seem. They can have elaborate and insightful arguments, but that doesn't mean they're ''right''. It takes a little element in a enormous train of thought for it to be irrelevant to the issue/topic, most people will be non the wiser because they're in awe of the opinion, and don't dissect the entire thought process and the validation of it. If there's anything I've learned, is that people will do and say anything to back up their assumptions. My point here is that even if someone appears that have all the right answers/opinions, they don't necessarily have them.
By having everyone's approval you're not necessarily better off. Because, when it comes down to it, they are as clueless as we are. ''Nobody is perfect'' isn't just some phrase to make people feel better. It is a very, very accurate and relevant observation.
In short; Other people are a obscure way to rate yourself.
Behind the scenes, I'm active and quite a number of controversial groups/fandoms that are targeted constantly by people whom would sooner see the member/participants dead rather then alive. I'm not going to specify which out of fear people would actually start to look at me differently, but the interest of these groups are strictly personal and don't affect others in any way, shape or form. However, bigotry and misunderstanding doesn't need much motive to thrive.
This being the internet, it's easier to shrug off. And while I talk/participate openly under aliases on the internet, I'd never expose it in real life out of fear I'd actually get hurt. But safe as it is to do it one the internet, it did do a number on my respect for peoples capability to tolerate things alien to themselves.
People aren't as enlightened and educated as they sometimes seem. They can have elaborate and insightful arguments, but that doesn't mean they're ''right''. It takes a little element in a enormous train of thought for it to be irrelevant to the issue/topic, most people will be non the wiser because they're in awe of the opinion, and don't dissect the entire thought process and the validation of it. If there's anything I've learned, is that people will do and say anything to back up their assumptions. My point here is that even if someone appears that have all the right answers/opinions, they don't necessarily have them.
By having everyone's approval you're not necessarily better off. Because, when it comes down to it, they are as clueless as we are. ''Nobody is perfect'' isn't just some phrase to make people feel better. It is a very, very accurate and relevant observation.
In short; Other people are a obscure way to rate yourself.
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MikeyC
Well-known member
Yeah, there's a name for people who back up their assumptions with invalidated or fake statistics/research. Confirmation bias, I think, but I could be wrong there.
Wait, I have statistics to prove I'm right. Direct from the high court....
Well, by Anubis, there's actually a word for it.. (verified by Google/Wikipedia so it HAS to be true).
Since you were right this one time, by internet law, you have now the right to tell everyone what to do. :
:I kid, I kid, you're too awesome to sink to that line of thinking. ;3
MikeyC
Well-known member
Poor, innocent Puma. You have no idea the depths I could sink to.Well, by Anubis, there's actually a word for it.. (verified by Google/Wikipedia so it HAS to be true).
Since you were right this one time, by internet law, you have now the right to tell everyone what to do. :
I kid, I kid, you're too awesome to sink to that line of thinking. ;3
:
:EDIT: I do think that everyone does that. We take snippets of information and use them to our advantage at any point we need them. I reckon I have been doing this for many years myself, especially during school.
Just wondering if anyone has found a way to manage or overcome a constant need to gain everyone's approval?
Everything I have tried so far has failed.
Any suggestions or personal stories would be welcome. Thanks
I think that we stop looking for the approval of others when we can approve of ourselves.
Poor, innocent Puma. You have no idea the depths I could sink to.
:
EDIT: I do think that everyone does that. We take snippets of information and use them to our advantage at any point we need them. I reckon I have been doing this for many years myself, especially during school.
I think it's inevitable to bend reality to our will at times. What are are coping mechanisms if not that? But I think it's important to be aware of that and keep it personal, out of arguments to issues that affect the masses (unless it's positive for everyone).
After all, the only ''truth'' and ''right'' that we can all agree on are cold hard facts.
1+1=2
Water is wet.
Every action has a equal and opposite reaction.
Pizza is the best thing ever.
Density of mass affects flow of time.
Ect.
(Especially 4)
I think it's in our nature to see things as we think they are, rather then how they actually are. We're quite minimalistic that way (and yes, I'm aware that this last paragraph is actually a assumption that I've chosen to see as ''fact'' due to supporting observations).
MikeyC
Well-known member
Absolutely. Well said.
But if I told you a fact but I was wrong, you would still remember what I said rather than what is truth. We were all told that Pluto was a planet, but now it's no longer a planet, but I still believe it is a planet because I've been told it has been since birth. One example of many.
Also, pizza is not the best thing ever...but it's damn close.
mikebird
Banned
The person we have to be
The person we should be
The person we want to be
The person we need to be
Compromise seems not to be available on this mortal coil
I can always smile. I always did. I still will. Whatever it takes. I can act.
I make people laugh. But sometimes met with the wrong acceptance.
I deserve my personality. I am unique
I will do anything for anyone
I think that surprises people... they are mystified. They flee
The person we should be
The person we want to be
The person we need to be
Compromise seems not to be available on this mortal coil
I can always smile. I always did. I still will. Whatever it takes. I can act.
I make people laugh. But sometimes met with the wrong acceptance.
I deserve my personality. I am unique
I will do anything for anyone
I think that surprises people... they are mystified. They flee
Absolutely. Well said.
But if I told you a fact but I was wrong, you would still remember what I said rather than what is truth. We were all told that Pluto was a planet, but now it's no longer a planet, but I still believe it is a planet because I've been told it has been since birth. One example of many.
Also, pizza is not the best thing ever...but it's damn close.
I have a bit of a pet peeve with those kind of facts. Because fundamentally nothing has a name or category.
Everything in the universe just exists without need of identity. What a planet is and isn't might be technically accepted as a fact in theory for just us humans, but it's really just a opinion shared by the majority. It's not so much a fact as it is a agreed upon reference category for easy referencing. As is the case with all mentally generated layers to reality.
I like Pluto no matter what clique it's in.
Srijita52
Well-known member
Sounds just like me.
Thanks Mikey, I'm trying to accept it but like you said its hard.
MikeyC
Well-known member
xX~Pluto4Eva~XxI have a bit of a pet peeve with those kind of facts. Because fundamentally nothing has a name or category.
Everything in the universe just exists without need of identity. What a planet is and isn't might be technically accepted as a fact in theory for just us humans, but it's really just a opinion shared by the majority. It's not so much a fact as it is a agreed upon reference category for easy referencing. As is the case with all mentally generated layers to reality.
I like Pluto no matter what clique it's in.
I guess you're right. I was just pointing out how a fact can suddenly be an untruth. Although this is really away from the thread's original meaning. My bad.
It's not easy at all, but you're a strong-willed girl and I know you can overcome it eventually.