My workplace is becoming hell

[cobalt_bluester]

My workplace is becoming hell for me, as I strongly feel that hardly anybody likes me there, and also my illness with depression and social phobia is making my life unbearable, and not worth living. I feel really uncomfortable with a number of people in the office, and can sense that they sense that maybe something is wrong with me, or I am different to the 'norm' in some way. Hell, I really don't know what they think of me but know they can't really like, or respect me at all because I get funny looks of them sometimes and they just don't speak to me much at all, and yet freely speak with other co-workers. I hate, really hate making non verbal eye contact as I am always aware exactly of what my eyes are doing and it becomes strained and unatural.

I feel that a bad situation is made worse by their poor attitude towards me, and their lack of empathy and understanding comes across very clearly. They are aware that I have depression and yet I still feel they don't understand how horrible this is for me. On several ocassions I have been told to 'cheer up' or people have said that I am very quiet - but how am I supposed to answer that it seems a very silly question i.e. should I respond with "Yes, you're right I am quiet", or maybe, "Sorry"!?!

Anyway, all this is driving me to despair and I don't know what I should / can do. I would look for another job but I am 37 and there are few opportunities of quality jobs in this area for me. I feel like I have reached the end of the road and don't see much point in my life as it is. I am a troubled person who is a bad fit for this society. Can anybody help me with this or offer me some sound advice as I don't know what else I can do.

 

[dottie]

are you in therapy? i wish i had advice for you. i am going through similar stuff. my eye contact is god awful, i say the most minimal scripted things, and my body feels totally awkward and at unease when i am around certain (well, most) people at work. last night these 2 girls i work with kept whispering about me. or i would walk into the room, they would suddenly get real quiet and look at me with bug eyes. i couldn't just hang out with them, i was the odd one out. it added to the anxiety of course. the only semblance of advice i can give is to just live day by day. ignore the bastards. you aren't there to make friends, you have a job to do. when people tell me to cheer up or be quiet i don't say anything either. wtf are you supposed to say? pointing out that you're quiet is very rude and doesn't garner a response anyway. i mean, you could be rude back and say, "thanks for pointing that out, asshole." which is what i would like to say but would never have the balls to.

i really appreciate reading your posts because most people with SAD seem to be around 19. we should have a board for adults who aren't teens or the typical college age. i think we experience something different. the younger kids seem to have the perspective of- how do i cure myself? how do i get rid of this? while we have the position of- this shit obviously isn't going away- how do i cope with it?

 

[steviegerrard489]

My workplace is becoming hell for me, as I strongly feel that hardly anybody likes me there, and also my illness with depression and social phobia is making my life unbearable, and not worth living. I feel really uncomfortable with a number of people in the office, and can sense that they sense that maybe something is wrong with me, or I am different to the 'norm' in some way. Hell, I really don't know what they think of me but know they can't really like, or respect me at all because I get funny looks of them sometimes and they just don't speak to me much at all, and yet freely speak with other co-workers. I hate, really hate making non verbal eye contact as I am always aware exactly of what my eyes are doing and it becomes strained and unatural.

I feel that a bad situation is made worse by their poor attitude towards me, and their lack of empathy and understanding comes across very clearly. They are aware that I have depression and yet I still feel they don't understand how horrible this is for me. On several ocassions I have been told to 'cheer up' or people have said that I am very quiet - but how am I supposed to answer that it seems a very silly question i.e. should I respond with "Yes, you're right I am quiet", or maybe, "Sorry"!?!

Anyway, all this is driving me to despair and I don't know what I should / can do. I would look for another job but I am 37 and there are few opportunities of quality jobs in this area for me. I feel like I have reached the end of the road and don't see much point in my life as it is. I am a troubled person who is a bad fit for this society. Can anybody help me with this or offer me some sound advice as I don't know what else I can do.

Man I hate that sh*t. Similar stuff happens to me but nothing on this sort of scale. Like the other day I was standing at the printer trying to get it to print. This annoying girl just walks past and says: "Hey, don't look so intense."

 

[Ursula]

Just wanted you both to know I'm 36 and can empathise with your feelings about work. I haven't had a job for a long time as I was extremely depressed when I had to face people every day. I'd feel a hypocrite giving any advice as I haven't made much progress myself but I know what you're going through. It'd be good to have a forum for older people on here as it becomes a slightly different struggle when you've been grappling with it for years and years- seems like an eternity for me! It's good to read this forum as I always thought I was the shyest person who ever existed. Anyway, hope things get more bearable soon- people can be so unsympathetic to nervous, awkward people in the workplace. It's just as much their problem that they've got no empathy or imagination as ours for being this way.

 

[recluse]

I understand. No one has mentioned that i look anxious and depressed, but i can feel that people feel awkward in my company. It's horrible.

 

[Rodox]

Tell me about it,my last job and this one are f****d too, all because of gossip,drives me crazy,the best thing is to change jobs if you can, I cant think of any other advice,but think well as you said.

 

[rado31]

yes , i did quit some jobs.

But i m not sure that it helped my stress to minimize.

Simply, it is very hard living like isolated island.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

i have faith in you... you'll come around.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

i have faith in you... you'll come around.

Very kind of you to say, but I really don't feel this will happen.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

cobalt, I remember you saying you have a wife? Hang in there for her. You still have family around you? You said something about getting your own designs published to some degree, how's that going?

Hi Pinker. I don't have a wife but in effect I do as I am living as married. I do quite a bit of design work but that's for the company I work for. It would be great if I could make a living from my own design work, but I don't feel I have enough confidence to get myself out there and talking to people about what I could do for their businesses etc.

 

[recluse]

I was just wondering how you cope being in a relationship? How understanding is your partner with your illness?

I've never had a girlfriend but it worries me that a future relationship won't work out.

 

[koyaanisqatsi]

All I can say is try to be strong for now. The things you describe in your co-workers are _their_ personality flaws, not yours. You're quiet? Makes it hard for you to make friends, but they are rude to point it out. Their lack of empathy, given that some understand your depression to some extent, is their problem. They are insensitive. You're dealing with depression and SPia; I know what that is like. I've love for one of these SOBs to walk in our shoes for just one day. It's a cruel thought, but it's just one day for them. Maybe the company could make Friday's a SPia/depression day (vs. a dress-down day) for all employees. They'd never criticize you or think ill of you again. You know, since we isolate ourselves so much, we never _really_ quite know what others think about us. And reality is rarely as bad as our fears or fantasies.

You shouldn't let other peoples' attitudes drive you from a quality job, although I allowed it to, or couldn't prevent it from happening to me. Ask yourself this. Are you better off in this "quality job" than you would be in a job of lesser quality, but with a more comfortable working and social environment? To me, the answer is a no-brainer! But only you can answer that question for yourself. And it's real hard to guarantee that the next job will be a happier situation for you, but you should be open to moving on.

What about meds. and what about therapy?

 

[andieer]

ive had panic for years it all started about 19 yrs ago. before that i was painfully shy but also very interested in people....i know very oxymoronic..found that the best way to meet people and talk to them was to ask them about themselves..... just before my first daughter was born, i had a series of panic attacks.... got very bad,....many er trips. now i have 3 kids, i tried therapy, and meds. a good combination helped immensely. my hubby is very supportive. now i am in my 40s and am usually happy.... i don't care so much what others think. now and then i have moments of feeling anxious esp at work...being judged etc. but i figure no one is perfect. live one day at a time. my kids help me realize what's important....things get better over time...really and truly! i live daily with panic disorder but it is well controlled now and i know many things can trigger it..being tired, hungry, caffeine, lack of exercise, stress...the list just goes on but i also have faith in God.prayer helps me and so does conventional treatment.

 

[PhantomPod]

Man, I know it's hard, but you just have to get through it, no matter how hurtful and annoying it can get.

Yesterday there was a new guy who started, so someone was taking him around and introducing him to everyone. When he got to me I just said "hi" and shook his hand and then it was awkward silence for a second before him and the girl who was introducing him left and the new kid said jokingly about me "quite the conversationist." I couldn't believe it. I just sort of laughed, because I know that he intended it as a joke, but I was still sort of like, " :lol: " Funny too because when I saw them coming around I was so close to going to the bathroom for a few minutes so that I could avoid them.

A number of people at work have already said to me "quiet down over here!" As in I never talk and they are trying to be funny. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that little joke throughout my life.