My problem is being afraid of letting go of old memories

[recluse]

I dwell on old memories....Not all bad but mostly good memories..You probably think what is so bad about dwelling on good memories right? Well this is a big problem for me. I feel that if i let go of my good memories i will forget them forever. For example i've met this girl twice now in Poland and i obsess over the times we spent with each other, and the things she said, and all the details which should be in the past...In effect i am not enjoying the present...I find myself going over and over these memories all the time, even online messages which i feel where really sweet, if i attempt to let go of my old thoughts i begin to feel afraid, almost to the point of tears.

I always get this problem whenever i feel close to a girl but it's ruining my life. How can i let go of old thoughts and live day by day? I feel like a stuck record!

 

[Helyna]

I know what you're talking about. It usually doesn't last very long for me. A memory comes up, or something has just happened, and I'll go over it for a couple of days. But it can be uncomfortable. And ever being afraid to let go of something isn't good.
Maybe you can make up something to do whenever this happens. It doesn't matter what, as long as you always do it when you catch yourself thinking thoughts you don't like. It alerts you to what you're doing and that you don't want to. It has worked for me; however, I would worry that if you do this a lot, it would turn into something like OCD, so be cautious.

 

[Idioteque]

I do this sort of thing from time to time, randomly. It's quite annoying because it's usually something embarassing that I've done lol.. it could be weeks later but I'll randomly remember and go "Ugh so embarrasing!" And I'll feel awkward for a minute until I forget it.. I regurlary do it about what ever I did during the day too...

 

[recluse]

It's not that the thoughts pop up at random without me trying, it's me trying to think about my thoughts..In effect i stress myself out for no good reason..I spend hours just trying to remember my thoughts and sometimes when i am tired i strain myself to remember the things....The weird thing is, is that i know what i am doing is stupid and irrational yet i can't get out of the habit.

My problem started at the age of 16. I was afraid of not knowing what to say to people so what i started doing was to form a script in my mind of things to talk about, but in the end i never actually used what i had in my mind anyway but it became a habit to memorize needless things. It's been 11 years now and i am pretty exhausted to say the least. It's so bad it leaves me with almost no energy and i can't handle interaction with people because my mind is just exhausted.

I have been having cbt and i explained to my therapist but even she does not seem to understand what i mean. I try to force myself to not think and have a calm mind but after a while i get the urge to think again, and often when i have obtained a calm mind i have an intense feeling of dread of my problem starting again. I find that when i am nervous before interviews and the such my problem is triggered much worse.

I just have'nt a clue how to stop this habit of mine, i should be enjoying life but the years are going by in a flash. I will never enjoy life with this problem of mine

 

[Argamemnon]

My problem is that my thoughts control me. I can't stop these racing thoughts, which leaves me exhausted. I wish I could chose what to think, unfortunately I can't..

 

[recluse]

Well sometimes i get confused whether i am in control of my thoughts o'r not. If i am in control of my thoughts then i shouldn't really have a problem stopping them unfortunately i can't for some reason.

 

[Argamemnon]

Those racing thoughts have become so bad that they prevent me from doing anything else. My thoughts come and go rapidly. I can't concentrate on one thought for very long and I'm easily distracted. Also when talking to people they cannot make sense of what I'm saying. They feel very uncomfortable and tend to ignore me. I'm terrified that I can never work again.

 

[Pyrophosphate]

recluse, I think I know what you're talking about. I always think back on the rare good moments of my life, because I don't want to forget them. I don't know why it's so hard to just let them go. Most of the things I think about are completely useless anyway, like people that I shared a good time with but I know I'll probably never see them again. I seem to feel better about not having that time back after I talk about it with someone, like I still want to remember it, but it doesn't weigh me down so much. It also helps me explain to myself exactly why I remember the stuff that I do. The only real problem with talking about that stuff is that most people just don't care to hear it.

 

[chris87]

I have a similar problem. I am always dwelling on memories. I'll reread old e-mails, constantly think about past experiences, etc. I do this excessively.

 

[Argamemnon]

It's hard to explain, but I'll try again if you don't mind. My thoughts are not just certain persistent thoughts which cause anxiety, although I do have them as well, but also random thoughts.. unimportant thoughts that cause anxiety.

I have no control, I can't choose not to think. I can't focus on anything else, or listen to other people when my mind is busy. My mind is always racing, and I really have to spend all my energy to calm down, and yet I fail. When I talk it's either very slow (when I'm depressed)or extremely fast, which must sound very strange to other people. It even sounds strange to me.

 

[Ursula]

I was surprised to read the initial post by Recluse because I do something really similar- I thought I was alone in having this particular problem. I'm also really anxious about forgetting the good times I've had and I obsessively go over and over them because I'm afraid I'll lose them forever if I don't. I know it's silly because you have to accept the fact that you will forget a lot of your happiest moments but like you say, recluse, it's not always easy to control these compulsive thoughts.

The times you had in Poland must have really meant a lot to you- do you think being away from the girl you've had those great times with is fuelling your anxiety and making these thoughts harder to shake off?

Another thing I do especially at night is worry about some abstract question like 'do humans have free will?' and I just can't stop thinking about it no matter how many times I try to stop. My mind just goes into overdrive and I just can't stop though I tell myself it's time to go to sleep. It's nice to know I'm not alone anyway though I'm afraid I have no easy answers as usual.

 

[recluse]

Ursula yes that's right! I am terrified of loosing happy memories. Whenever i have a love interest in this case the girl in Poland i become terrified, when i don't have a love interest i am more laid back because i guess i have nothing to loose. It was the same about 8 years ago, the last time i had a love interest....I would go over and over the things the girl had said to me which i felt made me feel happy and good about myself.

I'm just so sick and tired of having this problem, and it's good to hear that i am not alone too