My neighbor asked me why I don’t go out on the weekends :/

[TableFor1]

I know I'd feel awkward too. I'd probably lie about it and feel like someone's watching me a little too closely. I hope I would just say it's none of their business. Then again someone notices you, which is also something. It's never easy is it? Over-thinking everything.

Hi Barrier, Thank you.. I think you nailed it! "Being watched too closely", that kinda flipped my wig. Yes, I am most likely over-thinking it too. I guess working so hard to stay under the radar and being called out hit me in sensitive spot, which of course he would have no idea this is a daily struggle.

 

[TableFor1]

Well with men it's tricky, because one can never know if a guy is creepy or what. My original advice would be to tell the truth; just not all of it. To say something like "I'm kind of a homebody. Don't like to socialize" or something like that without explaining myself with charts and graphs. I mean, if you ever meet a guy you ARE interested in, he'll discover the truth one way or the other. Better to be honest upfront. And if you're comfortable being who you are then it will show in a positive way. And people respond to confidence. And a lot of guys are attracted to unconventional types. However, if this guy is noticing stuff like your departure routine, I'd listen for alarm sirens in your gut. In case this guy is a predator-type who preys on people like us - that are introverted and vulnerable.

Hey Xervello, You got something there. I would love to be able to come out and say Im a homebody – I will work on that. I think that’s what I have trouble with. I am comfortable being home, but the social acceptance of that and not trying to look “weird”, so to speak. I go back in forth in my head a lot with that and knowing what Im missing out in life, is really hard to swallow. I don’t get the feeling he’s out to get me, but just like Barrier mentioned, I absolutely don’t want to be watched or monitored. Unfortunately, my car is parked right at the front where “everybody” has to walk by. Ugh, no way around that one.

 

[TableFor1]

Only my immediate family cares. The rest are just looking for something to gossip about.

Oh, yeah I would do the same.

 

[PGT]

How embarrassing! I live in a condo complex and have small talk with a few neighbors in the halls now and again… but, one gentleman in particular (I get the feeling he is interested in me), commented that he always sees my car parked and why don’t I go out? I was NOT expecting that! I completely panicked. I lied and said that I take my bike out or friends pick me up. I feel bad that I lied, but the truth was just not an option to say out loud - especially to a semi-stranger. How would you have handled that?

-TF1

One day my next door neighbour asked me why I never have many friends around. He asked in a polite way though he's in his 80s I think.
I just told him the truth, that I haven't got any friends and I find it hard to meet people.
He said if I ever want to chat just knock on his door. I thought that was kinda nice of him.
I never did knock and he has never mentioned it again.
Maybe your neighbour is just lonley.

 

[TableFor1]

One day my next door neighbour asked me why I never have many friends around. He asked in a polite way though he's in his 80s I think.
I just told him the truth, that I haven't got any friends and I find it hard to meet people.
He said if I ever want to chat just knock on his door. I thought that was kinda nice of him.
I never did knock and he has never mentioned it again.
Maybe your neighbour is just lonley.

Your neighbor sounds like a real sweetheart

 

[Dreamseller]

I struggle answering this question too. From time to time either my parents or people around me ask me why I don't go out more etc. It really bugs me, as I prefer/enjoy just relaxing at home in my room. If I wanted to go out, I would.

I just think that people who enjoy being social just don't get it that other people can actually enjoy being alone and don't just get bored if they aren't "out" somewhere every waking hour.

In my mind, enjoying time on your own is the preferable stance anyhow. No planning required, generally doesn't cost anything bar an internet connection or a book and there's no drama when it's just you.

Ehh, whatever.

 

[hexagon_sun]

How embarrassing! I live in a condo complex and have small talk with a few neighbors in the halls now and again… but, one gentleman in particular (I get the feeling he is interested in me), commented that he always sees my car parked and why don’t I go out? I was NOT expecting that! I completely panicked. I lied and said that I take my bike out or friends pick me up. I feel bad that I lied, but the truth was just not an option to say out loud - especially to a semi-stranger. How would you have handled that?

-TF1

It sucks. I know the feeling. On one hand, it's nice that someone notices you and wants to reach-out. On the other hand, you feel like they are butting into your business and opening a can of worms because they can't possibley understand or relate to what your going through. And because of your (potentially) limited social experience, it's difficult to read them and gauge their intentions: Is he a nice guy? Does he just want to use me for sex? Is he fishing for information to gossip with his friends or the other neighbors? Any, all or none of these scenarios are possible. The only way to find out unfortunately is to continue the conversation. ...Unless you want to hire me as a private detective? :bigsmile:

..Oh btw, your lucky that your female. A man in your situtation (such as myself) would arouse underserved suspicion. Because of the paranoid socio-political enviroment we live in, and man that is a loner and doesn't live his apartmant much is automaticly a terrorist, serial killer, child molester, mass murderer... Which makes me want to shut-myself-in even more... :sad:

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

I feel like it would be no big deal if I was asked that question, and I truly liked staying at home by myself. However, since it's due to fear that I am not out with friends or a significant other, I think it's something to be ashamed of. I am speaking only about myself with the feeling ashamed. I know that I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. Thank god no one ever knows that I don't go out, and asks me about it. I would have a hard time lying.

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

It sucks. I know the feeling. On one hand, it's nice that someone notices you and wants to reach-out. On the other hand, you feel like they are butting into your business and opening a can of worms because they can't possibley understand or relate to what your going through. And because of your (potentially) limited social experience, it's difficult to read them and gauge their intentions: Is he a nice guy? Does he just want to use me for sex? Is he fishing for information to gossip with his friends or the other neighbors? Any, all or none of these scenarios are possible. The only way to find out unfortunately is to continue the conversation. ...Unless you want to hire me as a private detective? :bigsmile: ..Oh btw, your lucky that your female. A man in your situtation (such as myself) would arouse underserved suspicion. Because of the paranoid socio-political enviroment we live in, and man that is a loner and doesn't live his apartmant much is automaticly a terrorist, serial killer, child molester, mass murderer... Which makes me want to shut-myself-in even more... :sad:

I completely agree with everything you've said...

The sad thing is that I have a neighbor who is 40 something and never, ever goes out, and I can't help but have those thoughts about him. It's really sad because I know there is likely a good reason but it still doesn't stop me from wondering about him. It probably doesn't help that he works out all day and night, but I still shouldn't pre-judge him.

 

[kilojoule]

It sounds like a really clumsy way of asking you if you are available on the weekends.

 

[hexagon_sun]

It sounds like a really clumsy way of asking you if you are available on the weekends.

That's my sense as well... He probably has SA himself and has spotted the "signs" of SA in you TF1 and is akwardly asking you out on a date.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I would have gotten angry because it's none of his business. I had a neighbor like that for a few years, but luckily he moved.

 

[TableFor1]

Y’all are really great!

Hexagon the P.I., I like it! I will keep you in mind if I never need one, lol! You’re right; I never thought how lucky I am to be a girl. Im positive someone might think serial killer – I do feel for you men. He is really nice and I know he wants to get to know me, but I need to keep him at a certain distance. Funny, two SA people meeting up randomly… What are the odds haha.

Joule, That’s the felling I got (after), maybe he was fishing. But goofy me, that’s not where my brain was. Personally, I couldn’t date a neighbor, too close for comfort :/

Dreamseller, Im with you 100%. I think the whole “no drama” is probably my favorite thing about staying home. Im glad you’re cozy in your zone.

IntheLabyrinth, Yes, I too feel ashamed and we shouldn’t. I think that’s why I just blurted out that mush. I really don’t want to be this way. When I was going up the elevator, I couldn’t believe what just came out of my mouth. Im just not a liar, never have been (ergo my post). Im on a mission to find my “mojo!” In the meantime, being home, being cool, simple, and just a little more invisible will work for me – at least for now.

Have a fabulous day or evening!

 

[sullyS25]

This is only embarrassing if you say it is embarrassing. It's all about YOUR perception and interpretation of someone asking you this. That can be changed. Your interpretation of someone asking you a question can be changed. Because those are the facts....someone asked a question....You can decide to view this as embarrassing or you can find other ways of interpreting it.

 

[Ferdinandus]

I don't feel bad about not liking to go out and partying. Actually, I'm quite proud of it. I like a quieter life style - though not a lonely and purposeless one.

 

[Richey]

Well I probably wouldn't have cared too much, because it's none of his business. And he isn't a friend or anything. Maybe just say you study alot. Honestly though, ignore him.

If a neighbour is going to make conversation with you then they may as well be nice and pleasant otherwise why bother?

right!, its just silly on his part.

you may as well walk up to him and ask why he always has B.O.

 

[TableFor1]

Well I probably wouldn't have cared too much, because it's none of his business. And he isn't a friend or anything. Maybe just say you study alot. Honestly though, ignore him.

If a neighbour is going to make conversation with you then they may as well be nice and pleasant otherwise why bother?

right!, its just silly on his part.

you may as well walk up to him and ask why he always has B.O.

LOL :bigsmile:

 

[TableFor1]

This is only embarrassing if you say it is embarrassing. It's all about YOUR perception and interpretation of someone asking you this. That can be changed. Your interpretation of someone asking you a question can be changed. Because those are the facts....someone asked a question....You can decide to view this as embarrassing or you can find other ways of interpreting it.

I like the way you think

 

[PhantomPod]

I used to get really embarrassed when people asked me that question too. I would dread Friday afternoons when coworkers start asking each other what they're doing over the weekend. I used to be embarrassed and would make things up, but now when people ask me I just say that I like to just stay home and relax and catch up on some shows on my DVR. I got sick of feeling embarrassed and lying about it, so now I basically just tell it like it is.

That is kind of an invasive question though. I would also be thrown off guard if a neighbor asked me that out of the blue.