My family suggested to hook me up

Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
OK, I have never shared this with anyone else. My parents/family suggested to "hook me up" with a girl I have known almost all my life.

Actually, I don't know her well at all, but once we attended the same school. I find her very attractive and sweet. I'm about one year older than she is. I think she's 30.

Me and my parents know her parents very well too. I'm sure if we were ïntroduced to one another something might arise, but I'm terrified :cry:

Why? Because I'm a loser who can't even work due to social anxiety, while she has a full-time job and is also studying at the same time. She has also bought a house!

I can't possibly explain the pain I feel inside. I feel like I'm totally worthless and a loser :cry:

If I had a job I could keep despite my social phobia, I might have experienced love for the first time in my life. Am I meant to be alone? I think so.
 
RedRibbons

RedRibbons

Well-known member
There's no such force outside of you that says you are meant to be alone. It's a choice you make, whether you want to be with someone, or not. Clearly you want to be with someone, though you are having problems with self-esteem? confidence? and social phobia.

I'm starting to think that being shy or socially phobic, is not that big of a deal. And that we are possibly forcing ourselves to be something we're not, and that causes anxiety. Maybe just try being cool with your social phobia?

You haven't really talked to this girl much, and you won't really know what type of person she is until you actually do. She could be down-to-earth, accepting, understanding.. And she could, and most probably does have her own issues to deal with. No one is made perfect. We all have our messy parts. So... I don't know. Try being relaxed and okay with you, then maybe spending time with her won't be so stressful. Also try to remember that no one is perfect, and as lovely as she may be, there could be things she's just not saying.

I don't know if that helps at all... lol I hope it does at least a little bit, and doesn't sound too narrow or one-sided or weird....!?!? lol anyway!!

You can read this part if you want:

I understand where you are coming from, because I don't think I am worth some of the men I am attracted to, you know.. the ones that have active lifestyles, good jobs, perfect smiles, and seem to have everything in check. I don't even attempt going for them, because I certainly lack the confidence and feelings of self-worth to be with them. I worry that I'm not proper enough, not cute enough, not stable enough, and I don't have a classy job... and even if they aren't judgmental, I'm sure as hell worried that they are, and would feel very awkward and afraid of doing something, or saying something that's not 'okay' with them. hahaha. ANYWAY!!! BAbbling!!!
 
Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
Thanks for the reply, what was that last part though - are those your own feelings? Anyway, the fact that I don't have a job or occupation just kills my self-esteem! That's the main problem.
 
RedRibbons

RedRibbons

Well-known member
Yes. That's how I feel about myself, not worthy enough for some men. :lol:

Maybe you can do a course online to learn how to build websites or something, and then work from home? Or find something else that you are interested in, to work from home? Maybe you can take up woodworking, and build furniture and sell it! Or.. I really don't know! :) Brainstorm some ideas!
 
sabbath92002

sabbath92002

Banned
Argamemnon said:
I feel like I'm totally worthless and a loser
Click to expand...

This is the social anxiety disorder (SAD) lying to you. Don't believe these lies. SAD is a disease. We may not be able to cure it yet, but we can learn to live with it.

SAD prevented me from working for long periods of time also. But I learned that I shouldn't be at war with SAD, instead I should focus on reducing avoidance.
 
miss_amy

miss_amy

Well-known member
A job/career is not what makes a person. Just because you don't have a job or own your house etc does not make you less of a man.

You seem like a very nice person, give her a chance to see the nice sensitive caring guy that we see here and I don't see why she would think you are a loser.

Give her a chance and yourself too. If you give it up for bad before you try then you could be missing out on something great. And if it doesn't work out then you will learn from it and chalk it up to experience.

She may be feeling just as bad, 30 and single and all that.....
 
2Crowded

2Crowded

Well-known member
I battle these feelings as well due to my no job condition....it makes it realy hard to speak to anyone for more than 30 seconds... for fear of the dreaded question "So what do you do for a living" coming up....I could lie about it but that would not help since that would send me into a Social Phobic face blushing explosion knowing that I am not telling the truth.

I feel your pain...I know I am a good person with something to offer to this world & could make a difference in someone's life ...but the no job, no house of my own thing realy does sink most of my ships.
 
Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
miss_amy said:
A job/career is not what makes a person. Just because you don't have a job or own your house etc does not make you less of a man.

You seem like a very nice person, give her a chance to see the nice sensitive caring guy that we see here and I don't see why she would think you are a loser.

Give her a chance and yourself too. If you give it up for bad before you try then you could be missing out on something great. And if it doesn't work out then you will learn from it and chalk it up to experience.

She may be feeling just as bad, 30 and single and all that.....
Click to expand...
Thank you very much for your nice words. But I don't see why a girl like her would be interested in me. You are right about the fact that she's feeling almost just as bad though; she was divorced once, her ex husband was an a**hole. Her parents once told my parents that she also wants a nice guy, and they repeatedly asked my parents about me, including her.

I'm afraid that my pride/honour will prevent this from happening. I can't stand the fact that I have no job or profession. I only have the equivalent of the American high school diploma. Actually, I'm not sure what a high school diploma is, but if I wanted I could attend higher education with my diploma..

And thanks everyone for your opinions and advice.
 
putdown

putdown

Member
the power of love1(to argamemnon)

:)
1. self-introduction:I am a HRD(human resource development) consultant in my center.
I used to be suffered from social phobia/anxiety disorder and depression.My life
philosophy is from my mum:the main reason why we do everything is to support the others.
2. my feeling:I read your story from the first to the last word,I can tell you:there is
nothing I can feel except the power of love.You have a brave heart because you have
the power to love not only for yourself but for your family.
(your words:I have never shared this with anyone else .)Do you agree with me? :)
3. about terrified: From my experience ,I understand why you feel terrified,that’s
nothing,that’s okay,that’s normal,for you realized that this was a challenge.And
challenge can become chance or nightmare.I still remember once I got an interview
from a famous company I even felt crazy.A friend of mine told me to adjust the method
of dealing with challenge.I would like to share it with you:we can turn paying attention
to feeling itself into paying attention to challenge(the things we should do) itself. DO you
wanna have a try? :D
4. do the things we should do :In my opinion,we don’t need to care who we were,
only care who we are now;we don't need to care what we did,only care what we are
doing today!Try our best to go out, to look,to work,to study,to practice,to share,to do the
things which worth doing,to do the things we should do,of course,including giving us
an opportunity to love,or to be loved. Have a try to stop comparing with any others,just
compare with our own performance.Whenever I face the daily-challenge,I find I am not
as weak as I thought before.During these years of dealing with daily-challenge,I realize
that the only one way to show my love is to do the things I should do all the time.
Do you wanna have a try to show your love,argamemnon? :)
5. in brief: Even though we have lost the past,but we can never lose today,because
today is a present God sent to us,only one day.

Hope you can help yourself.

To: miss-amy
I learned a lot from your plain words and rich thoughts .
 
Borx

Borx

Member
hey armgamemnon
its really sad because you come off like such a nice guy , the great thing about the human race is that we all want something different and not every girl wants the same type of guy and you should try and embrace the fact that your different ( i know it is hard , but if you can ) . If she is a girl worth knowing than she will see the beauty in you that you cant see and who knows this might help your sa , so for this reason try and give it a go . I will just tell you , i was attracted to my husband initally because he was shy (i think it gave him a sence of mystic), he also didnt have a job or any money. Time has passed and these things have become less important to our relationship because money really doesnt make you happy , people do ! good luck !!
 
Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
Update:

I'm considering to tell her about my situation, that I haven't had a job in six years, but that I've been doing voluntary work for a year now, and that I'm busy with "reintegration". It's true..

I definitely want to work, but I'm afraid that it will take some time, perhaps a few years, before I find a "real" job. Maybe she will accept it, but the problem is; will I accept myself and my current situation?

What do you guys and girls think? I need advice please, this is the biggest chance in my life!!
 
Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
The problem is that the government will cut my benefits, so she will be the one earning money for us. It's not easy to handle or accept this!
 
HH

HH

Well-known member
this whole thing is weird, i've got a full time job, am currently studying and have my own small business but still think i'm not good enough i.e. a loser-you just can't win :D
 
Ventrilo

Ventrilo

Well-known member
I do very well at school (i have a technical major too) but i have a severe inferiority complex because i'm 19 without a license and haven't moved out of hte house yet
 
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