my dog died...

[VioletTears]

Please if anyone can't relate or understand what I'm feeling in regards to this don't reply...

My dog was hit by a car a year ago. He slipped out the screen door behind my DH when he was packing the car for a trip. His pelvis was fractured and he barely made it through. We had his injuries repaired and the vet put pins into his bone but he was never quite the same after that. He still seemed happy. Anyways, we think that the organs inside his pelvis were weakened at that time and they finally gave in. We took him to the vet yesterday morning and they said that his stomach had ruptured. They said that they could do surgery but it was risky and even if he made it through there was a high chance that it would rupture again. We knew that he had to be put down this time...

I was already extremely depressed and having suicidal thoughts before this hapened and it has hit me so incredibly hard. I have been very bonded with all of my animals, but this dog in particular was just unlike any other... He was my baby. I am so horrible at connecting with people but I connect so strongly with animals... But now I feel totally unable to deal with all of the emotions that are hitting me.

I feel like I'm desperately seeking anything to make me feel better and there is no hope, anywhere. I feel so tormented. Maybe it's suppose to hurt like this but I don't know how to make it through...

 

[RedRibbons]

:/ That is too bad. We lost my dog Shadow, about 3 years ago, and we still miss her. She was such a great dog, and she had an amazing personality.

I guess the best way to deal with it is to be okay with the fact that animals and people pass on.

An animal or person may die physically, but they are still very much with you, in your heart. There is nothing you can do, but cherish the memories you have of them.

I hope you feel better, it will take time.

 

[VioletTears]

I think it's especially hard to accept because his life was cut so short. He was only 5... His life should have only been half over. I know he's still in my heart but I'm not ready to stop making new memories... I don't think he was, either. He was so passionate about everything...

 

[Lexmark]

Oh thats so sad
I luv my dog to death
I always say to him hes never alowed to die and leave me alone
Good luck with moving on

 

[Ursula]

Hello. Really sorry to hear about your dog. I'm still feeling sad after having my cat, Winston put down a month ago. I'd had him for 11 years and he was the most affectionate, intelligent cat I've ever had. There'll never be another cat like him- I expect you feel the same. Having him put down was one of the most difficult things I've ever done and really upsetting. I felt really depressed for a few weeks after but it's a bit more bearable now- I hope things will get better for you soon too. Animals can be such loyal companions and have such unique personalities it's really hard to adjust to life without them. I've got another cat who I love too but Winston was really special- he used to start purring when he heard my voice and was always looking into my eyes in this sort of questioning way. Things aren't the same without him but I do feel better than I did a month ago so hopefully you wont feel so tormented soon.

 

[theblank]

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. I've lost pets too and I know how painful it is. Then add to the mix that you are feeling suicidal and it's a heavy load.

You've got to get through this difficult time and live on. I know it may sound silly but your dog would have wanted it that way. Plus any pets you may own in the future are counting on you to be there for them too. So are people. I'm sure there are people in your life now and who will be there in the future who want you to stay alive and do the best you can. They all need you.

Don't give up hope. There are things worth living for. There are gifts out there waiting for you to find them.

A big hug!!!

 

[AM]

I can relate to what you are going through in a big way. I was a wreck when my dog died last year, it threw me into a depression and that's when my panic attacks began. He died suddenly too. I'm still just over a year later coming to terms with it. It's been a slow process.

I know what you mean when you say you had a deep connection to your pup, I had the same with mine. Like our minds were connected.

You will slowly get better, the missing will remain but it will morph into a tolerable missing, you'll be able to cope.

I found it helped when I wrote things down about him, like how I was feeling and what I remember, the good times. And also getting out photos and putting them around you, maybe not at this point. I was only able to start looking at his photos a few months ago, I still feel tears, but in a way they're comforting. I have a few photos of my dog near my bed, of when he was a puppy and with his toy, and playing with our other dogs.

Remember it's important to grieve and let it happen, it will get better with time and will to move past this point and remember the good times.

 

[VioletTears]

Thank you for your replies and your compassion, everyone...

I used to think of my family and that was the one thing that helped to keep me strong... Now it just doesn't feel like enough. If I told you guys the thoughts that have been running through my head and the things I have done to myself you would be telling me to check myself into a hospital. Honestly that's what I want but I don't think I can take the criticism that would come my way if I did that...

I just don't even want to fight this anymore. I want to give up. I have no idea where to turn.

 

[AM]

If you are feeling those things quite strongly, you should get extra help, even if it means hospital. Who would criticize you? I'm sure the people who love you would choose you being alive. Do it just for you. Some people don't have the perspective to check themselves into help, you do, it's a gift!

 

[VioletTears]

If people knew I was like this...
-They would think I was unworthy of being a mother
-DH's family would think he married a deficient wife
-My co-workers would think I didn't belong in the classroom with little kids
-Lots of people would think I was pathetic/warped
-I would bring shame onto my family and my parents would feel horrible knowing all 4 of their kids were mental
etc, etc, etc...

That's why I can't go to the hospital even though I know it's where I belong...

 

[Dave_McFadden]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your pet. Have you tried talking to your DH about your feelings? I'm not familiar with your situation at all, but it sounds like your current thoughts and feelings go beyond your pet.

 

[creep_x]

i am sorry to hear that. But maybe u can get a new pet? or maybe 2 of them? that should really help

 

[theblank]

If people knew I was like this...
-They would think I was unworthy of being a mother
-DH's family would think he married a deficient wife
-My co-workers would think I didn't belong in the classroom with little kids
-Lots of people would think I was pathetic/warped
-I would bring shame onto my family and my parents would feel horrible knowing all 4 of their kids were mental
etc, etc, etc...

That's why I can't go to the hospital even though I know it's where I belong...

And what are all of these people going to think if you go and do something stupid like kill yourself? They'll probably think you didn't care enough about anyone to get the help you needed.

Go to the emergency room. Dial 911. Do something!!! Get help, get better and get through this. You can do it.

 

[Generical]

Ah i'm well sorry to hear it, the same thing happened to me a month or so ago, he was only 2 and we haven't a clue what the hell happened either, which doesn't make things easier.

This is kinda lame but he really was one of my main sources of company and was almost like a bro, i was totally lost.

Anyways what really did help is just to talk about it with my family, reminisce about him and just remember all the good things in his life, things will get easier but they'll take time and try not to bottle it up or anything like that.

Pets passing away can be as demoralising as losing your own family members, anybody with an ounce of compassion will understand if you need to seek help for it. Depression causes a sort of tunnel vision, sometimes you just need someone to pull you out of it.

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[_Brittany_]

I'm really sorry to hear that! I know losing a pet hurts a lot. My first dog died when I was 6 and I remember being soo sad for day..and I was only 6! I can't imagine that happening now...I would just die.

i am sorry to hear that. But maybe u can get a new pet? or maybe 2 of them? that should really help

8O :?

I'm guessing you've never lost a pet before..

 

[wooaah]

If people knew I was like this...
-They would think I was unworthy of being a mother
-DH's family would think he married a deficient wife
-My co-workers would think I didn't belong in the classroom with little kids
-Lots of people would think I was pathetic/warped
-I would bring shame onto my family and my parents would feel horrible knowing all 4 of their kids were mental
etc, etc, etc...

That's why I can't go to the hospital even though I know it's where I belong...

Sure theres the reality of keeping your bosses happy, keeping your inlaws happy, keeping your parents happy. But the fact that you worry, that you want to belong in a class with kids, that you want your parents and inlaws to be happy, doesn't that mean something in itself. If i had a child, and i knew they were fighting that hard to keep me happy, hell i'd be proud.

If the end you are a better judge of what people around you might think than the rest of us on this forum. But perhaps not the best judge. Are the people you can turn to ie your DH, or another confidential source of help? Have you asked them whether they believe people would think those things.

People with depression/SA like us focus so hard on what other people "would think". It seems to me that the points you mentioned only matter if you believe them. In my opinion, if you feel you need help, and brave the criticism of your peers to get it, so that you can be a better mother, daughter, teacher. Then you not deficient or shameful, you are a fighter and a role model.

You've told your worries to the people in this forum, and there are two pages of what people "are thinking" not what they "would think" and they're all cheering you on. Rah rah! do whats best for yourself!