My Delusions of Happiness

[IamThisOne]

All the time I dream about things that are never going to happen. I think about all the times spent with my fantasy girlfriend. About holding hands with her and those sappy things you see in teenage romance movies. I dream of holding her and comforting her when she is sad, her tears soaking the shoulder of my shirt. I dream of her forcing me to go places with her when she knows all I want is to watch T.V..

I can see her, waiting for me outside of class...smiling. I can smell her freshly washed hair as she greets me with a hug after a dreadfully long test. Her hand is soft yet her grasp is firm, I know she will never let go. I do not notice the people gathered around the entrances and the ones laughing for the only two people are she and I.

Then....I see through the blurred vision, the darkness. I see the present, the reality. I see myself...alone. I see the inevitable. I am delusional, I don't live in this world. The best medicine is to realize that I will never experience humanity. I am cursed to be alone and unloved.

Silence....

 

[fitftw]

that was beautiful man...just hold onto that dream...someday it just might come true. All we can do is hope for bigger and better things, or let depression consume us. I tend to go back and forth between the two...

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Boy I sure know about this.
I myself tend to live in the past. What used to be. From even the time I was little. Reality was fantasy as a kid. But then you grow up and understand things. Understand that the fantasy you had was just that. Understand the cruel nature of reality.
But you never know what the future holds. Hopefully it surprises us all.
But so far, all I do is look at everyone around me. How their life goes on and evolves. How they become new people, married, with kids, a whole different outlook on life, watching technology and the world around me morph. And the past has become extinct. But I, still stuck in time. Forced to be the observer and dreamer.
I too have delusions of happiness.

 

[IamThisOne]

I myself tend to live in the past.

Those delusions are of my own making. I have not experienced any such things that I described, nor will I ever.

 

[Mr.Moon]

That was deep and moving. I often lay in my own bed at night for like 2 hours trying to fall asleep, while realizing all I'm doing is daydreaming of what my life should have been like.
I'm a romantic at heart though, so I gotta say, just keep looking, someday you'll find that gal. I lost my g/f who I was with for 2 1/2 years recently, but I still wanna believe in my heart that I'll someday find a better one then her. Cause I feel like if I give that thought up then I really will never find one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm depressed myself over my single status right now. Still I daydream at night as well. I even go so far as to really place myself in a fantasy realm, where the worlds totally different, ya know, mystical creatures and stuff like that. (I like mythology and stuff to).

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

I've been having dreams lately that are really placing me where I want to be.
They can't be every night unfortunately, but it's the dreams that are so good you can't explain properly. The kind where when you wake up, you actually feel as though you've just entered another existence of being. All of the emotions you had that you've never had before flood away. The dream is then dead.
Shall we take a trip into your dream?
I'm ready to go.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

It is great fantasizing about what could be. In fact, nothing ever comes into existance without you having created a picture in your mind first. This is key to decision making, hense why many people have trouble making up their minds about something because they have 2 or more conflicting thoughts about something.

When you make it specific like you have though, your mind will set out to look for it and will not give up until it is found. You need to trust your insticts though, because some day you will feel like a magnetic pull toward a person, and you must be ready when it happens bacause it could literally be life changing.

 

[Silentknight]

Wow describe what I go through on a daily basis why don't you. In all seriousness know this what you wrote is beautiful and describes what I'm sure many of us go through and thank you for posting this because it reminded me that I'm not alone which is always a good to know.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

That was beautifully written.

Don't assume that just because you aren't living that life now that you never will be. I'm sure that one day it will be these dreams that are your reality, and you'll wonder why you ever thought them impossible or delusional.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Damnit. Another dream.
It was her. The girl I had a crush on in 9th grade, but she never gave me the time of day because she thought I was weird (or maybe just stalking her). In the dream however, she was older. We talked and shared our lives together. She was perfect. And in the dream, it was as if our lives were destined. Going to the same schools together, riding the bus together and not realizing it.
Then there was that fantasy neighborhood. I was liked and had friends. The aura of it was incredible.
But damn it all, I woke up. I just wanted to break down and cry.

To say if you imagine what you want, and then it comes true is insane. I'm glad you have what you want in a boyfriend, but life doesn't work that way. Coincidences happen. Things in the world happen. If you live long enough, chances are there's going to be something new. But it doesn't happen because I imagined it first.
Motivation belief and drive are different from fantasy and imagination.