Mind Blankness

[IzzyB]

This is driving me absolutely crazy! With every person, my mind literally blanks out and I cannot think of a single thing to say, and I mean a single thing!

What the heck is wrong with me, I can't even have a single conversation with anyone. It makes me feel sooo pathetic and lonely, because obviously if I can't talk to anyone I can't make friends.

It's so frustrating, I mean to fight social anxiety you're sposed to take small steps and all that...like I'm at uni and I've been told stuff like, set small goals like to chat to your classmates, go into the communal kitchen, and build up from there, etc, etc, so I do this but then with every one I have nothing to say! Argh. So what's the point! It's just awkward silence after awkward silence, and I do not know how to get out of it. I mean what is it, is it fear and panic that's the problem, or do I need to learn social skills, or what. It seems silly when I write it down, but it's the truth and happens without fail. And it seems the more I obsess over it the more I get it. Like when I'm with someone, the more I try to think of stuff to say, the more my mind blanks out. Sure they may talk to me, but my mind cannot think of a response except "yes" or "no" kinda thing, and conversation dies.

The thing that gets me is it's not like I can think of possible things to say, but I am just too anxious/unconfident to say it. That would make alot more sense.

Anyone else get this, does anyone have any solutions? Help!

 

[Erviin]

I get this all the time..
Some days are better than others though.

With close friends I've known for ages I can usually say funny things and think quicklu, but with some people my mind goes BLANK and SLOW, I can never think of anything funny to say whereas if I'm at home and for example browsing facebook, I can always come up with funny things to write to a persons status or whatever - and then when I talk to the same persons irl, my mind shuts down and I become akward and unfunny..

This also happens in school alot when the teacher asks questions. I found out that most of the time, this happens when I think too much.. On days where I'm in a good mood and manage to think positive throughout most of the day, I can usually joke around with the popular guys in class, and even girls sometimes without becoming too nervous.

But if you come up with a permanent solution, please let me know

 

[exquisite]

Oh heck yes. All the time. And I tend to do the same thing and when the conversation dies down, I kinda just say, "So...what else is new?" And it gets annoying & repetitive, even for me. But for me, its like Erviin said, some days are better than other. I can be super social one day & the next day, I can be depressed, quiet & anxious. And it also varies by people. My best friend, I could talk to her for hours & we'd still have something to talk about. Other people? Eh. And it's not like I'm afraid of people..I just have nothing to say sometimes. But whenever I think like that, I just think of the Depeche Mode song--Enjoy the Silence.

YouTube - Depeche Mode-Enjoy The Silence(Official Video)

 

[Ebbe]

I know exactly what you mean, IzzyB. I have this very often when I am talking to people whom I don't know very well ( =most people).

I think that the mind going blank is considered as a type of panic attack and that it is caused by a decrease of blood flow to certain parts of the brain.

Not to long ago when I was talking to my therapist I got a similar moment of mind blankness, and she told me that I stopped breathing for a moment. Maybe that happens to you as well when your mind goes blank. You could try to focus on your breathing the next time it happens.

I have some other tips that I use when this happens. I have to warn you though, that none of them have been a miracle cure for me, but they have helped me to feel a bit more comfortable in these situations.

1. As mentioned above: breathing (you can probably find some good breathing techniques online)
2. Thinking of something happy that makes you feel comfortable (right now, when it happens, I think of how I felt when I was a child, before getting SAD, and jumping rope)
3. Getting back to reality (this was a tip from my therapist. the idea is that you focus on what you perceive through the senses. for me it works best to focus on how my feet feel, in my socks and their connection to the floor)
4. Using basic smalltalk (I read "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships" by Leil Lowndes recently and it really has some good tips. For example, people love talking about themselves. You could get them talking by just asking them about what their plans for the weekend are. While they talk you can try to calm down a bit.)

Even if you don't manage to calm down and the conversation dies down, you should congratulate yourself for making the effort!

I hope these tips will help you a little.

 

[chained]

This is driving me absolutely crazy! With every person, my mind literally blanks out and I cannot think of a single thing to say, and I mean a single thing!

What the heck is wrong with me, I can't even have a single conversation with anyone. It makes me feel sooo pathetic and lonely, because obviously if I can't talk to anyone I can't make friends.

It's so frustrating, I mean to fight social anxiety you're sposed to take small steps and all that...like I'm at uni and I've been told stuff like, set small goals like to chat to your classmates, go into the communal kitchen, and build up from there, etc, etc, so I do this but then with every one I have nothing to say! Argh. So what's the point! It's just awkward silence after awkward silence, and I do not know how to get out of it. I mean what is it, is it fear and panic that's the problem, or do I need to learn social skills, or what. It seems silly when I write it down, but it's the truth and happens without fail. And it seems the more I obsess over it the more I get it. Like when I'm with someone, the more I try to think of stuff to say, the more my mind blanks out. Sure they may talk to me, but my mind cannot think of a response except "yes" or "no" kinda thing, and conversation dies.

The thing that gets me is it's not like I can think of possible things to say, but I am just too anxious/unconfident to say it. That would make alot more sense.

Anyone else get this, does anyone have any solutions? Help!

hell yeah!!!!! even with people I know, which is the saddest part!!!!

 

[gsmax5]

This is driving me absolutely crazy! With every person, my mind literally blanks out and I cannot think of a single thing to say, and I mean a single thing!

This may very well be the root of me being a social failure. I can't think of a single thing during the conversation, but I think of the smartest and wittiest thing to say a second after the conversation has already ended.

 

[dooby-duck]

I find small talk and chit chat very difficult. I can't do it fluently like a lot of people can. If it is something technical that I know about I'm usually ok if not totally fluent.

 

[Lonelykitsune]

Same problem here.Its when you do it the about th 5th time peopl have enough and just start avoiding you as you have nothing to say as far as their concernd,except yes or no and ok.My mind goes blank and my face starts getting hot and i start mumbling because im afraid of shouting in their faces.and when i can think of something i just cant say it.

But whn im with my best friend im loud and we talk for ages about nothing.It is very frustrating,is their a confidnce medicine somehere cos its needed..

 

[Harleyq]

Be lucky you don't have to have a conversation in a foreign language for a grade on top of blanking out.

I blank out with pretty much every single conversation I have AND on Friday, I have to talk with my Spanish teacher for 10 minutes and I have to direct the conversation. I literally almost cried when my teacher announced that; I'm pretty sure my nose started turning red from holding in tears/fluid. I can't even have conversations in English, how the f-ck am I gonna do it in Spanish!?

 

[Nack]

You need to eat better, I always find myself blanking out whenever I feel lifeless. Even though i don't feel hunger, my body is trying to say that i need food in mah belly. That's why i'm constantly snacking and eating. I'm not fat though, weird...

 

[Nack]

Be lucky you don't have to have a conversation in a foreign language for a grade on top of blanking out.

I blank out with pretty much every single conversation I have AND on Friday, I have to talk with my Spanish teacher for 10 minutes and I have to direct the conversation. I literally almost cried when my teacher announced that; I'm pretty sure my nose started turning red from holding in tears/fluid. I can't even have conversations in English, how the f-ck am I gonna do it in Spanish!?

Me: "Me llamo Jorge, Que es tu namo? Tehee, Am i doing it right?"
Teacher: "Si, Me llamas senora ???, que es tu telefuno?"

I find it easy talking in other languages, cause if i make a mistake, i don't give a rats ass. Cause they understand.

 

[theblank]

Welcome to my world.

 

[IzzyB]

Wow, thanks for all the replies..so glad I'm not the only one!

I'll let you guys know when I find the solution haha.

I think it's the whole thing of I'm so afraid of awkward silences that I make them happen. Self-forfilling prophecy and all that. Like panic attacks, blushing, etc etc more you're afraid of them, more you get them.

So the solution is...erm...?

 

[Harleyq]

Wow, thanks for all the replies..so glad I'm not the only one!

I'll let you guys know when I find the solution haha.

I think it's the whole thing of I'm so afraid of awkward silences that I make them happen. Self-forfilling prophecy and all that. Like panic attacks, blushing, etc etc more you're afraid of them, more you get them.

So the solution is...erm...?

I LOLed. If we ever had a meeting for people who have chronic conversational blanks, that would be our motto.

 

[omnispace]

So the solution is...erm...?

Has anyone discussed this particular symptom with their mental healthcare professional? I think it might go straight to the root cause of social anxiety (as opposed to the social awkwardness caused by lack of experience, which is more of a side-effect). Might it be more neurological than psychological? It doesn't seem to be caused by any (concious) fear or anxiety that I'm aware of...it just "happens".

 

[Hellhound]

Has anyone discussed this particular symptom with their mental healthcare professional? I think it might go straight to the root cause of social anxiety (as opposed to the social awkwardness caused by lack of experience, which is more of a side-effect). Might it be more neurological than psychological? It doesn't seem to be caused by any (concious) fear or anxiety that I'm aware of...it just "happens".

But it happens because we are too nervous that our minds just go blank, I suppose.

 

[Illusions]

Has anyone discussed this particular symptom with their mental healthcare professional? I think it might go straight to the root cause of social anxiety (as opposed to the social awkwardness caused by lack of experience, which is more of a side-effect). Might it be more neurological than psychological? It doesn't seem to be caused by any (concious) fear or anxiety that I'm aware of...it just "happens".

Ugh, I'm all too familiar with this... sometimes even when I'm not stressing myself out thinking of something to say, my mind goes completely blank. It'd be great if anyone has a solution for this. I'll bring this up when I see my therapist.

 

[AGR]

Be lucky you don't have to have a conversation in a foreign language for a grade on top of blanking out.

I blank out with pretty much every single conversation I have AND on Friday, I have to talk with my Spanish teacher for 10 minutes and I have to direct the conversation. I literally almost cried when my teacher announced that; I'm pretty sure my nose started turning red from holding in tears/fluid. I can't even have conversations in English, how the f-ck am I gonna do it in Spanish!?

Tell me about,when I knew just a little japanese I used to get very anxious,sometimes mix a word from another language in the sentence,blank and in the job interview it was just ugly,as I got better, I got more confident this doesnt happen anymore.

 

[owski]

Hi
I have suffered from exactly the same problem for most of my life I have recently started a new job (after a lot of trouble finding one I might add) to try and 'confront' the situation again as I ran away from this situation seeking a very solitary life of being on the dole and alas all alone which can be heaven if you suffer from this compared to the horrible feelings one gets when around people,but this i perceived was just making the problem worse I sumised that if I was away from these feelings then I would never overcome them if anything the 'phobia' for want of a better word can get worse.
Anyway I after a lot of soul searching 'therapys' and research I think I may have the answer but it takes a lot of hard work.
I have found that (as I have already touched upon)that at any opportunity you get to be 'in that awkward place' when you feel like that with people dont know what to say and mind going blank etc etc,any chance to feel these feelings try and sit through it no matter how hard it seems a 20 min coffee break with colleagues for example or sitting with people at lunch who are chatting any chance you get try to just be there dont worry about saying anything or not just sit there and dont walk away or try to excuse yourself just sit there and feel those feelings you will find it may hit a peak which is quite awful and it would feel like you are being depersonalised or even worse but see it through as the anxiety no matter how severe can only go so far and hit such an intensity for so long before it backs of and you come out the other side feeling different sit or stand there with these people dont say anything try it feel it and feel the results !Let me which it doesnt really require you to do anything but just to sit through the situation. Even resist the temptation of trying to find something to say dont feel as though you have to say anything at all.
I think all the therapys that try to get people to relax are barking up the wrong tree one needs to feel the fear in order to overcome it.

 

[Dronee]

You know... you can catch on to what the other person likes, his or her interests and so on... Then ask him or her a bit on it, and just sort of prod him along..

Many people will be pleasantly surprised that you care enough to listen to their day, their interests... etc.