Mental hospital.. maybe again :'(

[Falkor]

hello...

So I had a huge panic attack yesterday night. I was thinking about suicide, and I was hyperventilating all the time. So my parents called the emergency line, and now I have a conversation this afternoon.. maybe i have to go to the mental hospital again :: My parents say they don't want me to be in the house anymore, if I deal with these attacks. They saw me struggling with that for 3 years, and they want me to have professional help.
I'm stuck at home everyday and I don't go out of the house and my parents don't want that anymore. I don't want too, but this is so scary, i don't want to end up in mental hospital again.. But they don't want me to be in the house anymore either.. So What can I do???
I'm really afraid right now. But I can't deal with this, and it happens all again.
Don't get me wrong, my parents wants the same, they want me to be happy, but they don't want to see my struggles anymore.
And I feel lost.. so lost... I'm so afraid for the conversation this afternoon.
Hearing my parents talk about how much it affects them (i feel so guilty, i never want to mess it up things.. i want to make fun in life but i cant help it: it happens all over again.. and i was just about to live on my own and go to start school again and workin. and now i have to leave the house and have to be in mental hospital .. argh.. i dont want that
i want to have my life on track again.. but i KNOW i need professional help

so .. my situation got worse ..

i pray for good times.. but now it's just ... not good

 

[missjesss]

hey!! so you had a panic attack dont stress you had one bcoz u were extremely depressed and thinking suicidal you will not get continuous panic attacks again if you sort ur depression out are u on any medication? you know what mayb a mental hospital could rlly help u i wud use it as a learning opportunity I am fkn hating my life atm aswel today I felt like a shadow on my way home from work on the train alone with my thoughts after a whole day at work alone with my fkn thoughts and now as I type ... I know I hated living with my family bcoz of the way I was also :-( but hey dont be scared of the hospital they cud rlly help u they r not there to hurt u ok chin up xxx

 

[Falkor]

hey!! so you had a panic attack dont stress you had one bcoz u were extremely depressed and thinking suicidal you will not get continuous panic attacks again if you sort ur depression out are u on any medication? you know what mayb a mental hospital could rlly help u i wud use it as a learning opportunity I am fkn hating my life atm aswel today I felt like a shadow on my way home from work on the train alone with my thoughts after a whole day at work alone with my fkn thoughts and now as I type ... I know I hated living with my family bcoz of the way I was also :-( but hey dont be scared of the hospital they cud rlly help u they r not there to hurt u ok chin up xxx

thank u Jess .. Yeah I should accept that I have to go to mental hospital.. theres no other way.. and yeah.. they can help me there.. so thats good...
so yeah. i hope this will really help.. i just really need help on how to deal with social anxiety,panic attacks, hyperventilating and bdd.. =[
i will have a conversation soon.. so i will keep ya guys updated.. if i still have internet connection .. i hope.. but well see..
thanks jess, and i hope you will see sunshine too again.. see the bright sides of life.. !! but sometimes we are just falling back in the old cycle.. like being upset,depressed , but i hope we can break the cycle soon!!!!

xxx

 

[DespairSoul]

FlowerGirlie,

Im sorry for hear that i have those panic attacks often...im thinking about suicide everyday
and if is getting worster like im really prepared do it is really going with me very bad and my panic attacks are strong im crying and agrresive and very much hating myself for this how im how i hurt my family if i will do something wrong how they will talk after my dead about me my thougts go so far that i yet think what they will say if i die,and have mood to jump from window but im to much scared of this that i alieve and will be yet with me worster as now, but still i have opinion nothing is for me worster as i live now i also dont go out like from house and dont work school i didnt make it coz of SP and i really hard live like no one just stocked home,no carrer no future dont think logic just im like in some circle...DEAR FLOWERGIRLIE i also like next year must go mental hospital and dont want i dont know what i will do it there,they really can help me or will only helping me only if i will be there and if i leave will be with me again the same,but Girlie try it this we should try this maybe they really can help US, some days i see little bright but not much but this i had always that sometimes i think i cant win this fight but more i tend to be pesimistic coz i see on me is only getting worse with me...I understand exactly how u feel and i also understand your parents they love u and they want the best i want say dont feel quilty but i feel exactly like u quilty...I will thinking about u and wish the best resolution of your situation..im too also very scared go mental hospital coz if close me there i will be alhright there little more coz this people will try to help me but also i will be suspicious about it they really can help me...just like im splited to two thoughts but more i tend to worse thougts and i hopeu will build this better ones GOOD LUCK on your WAYget your own!!!!

 

[missjesss]

Believe me you can overcome the attacks!! I HAVE DONE IT and the way u do it is by going in2 situations that bring it on no doubt u will feel horrible but u gotta use techniques to calm urself down tell urself its ok, watch the anxiety come and go it always does no one ever died from a panic attack! u just gotta keep working on it keep exposing urself and I promise u it will get better u will have less things to conquer but its doable and if meds help get on them! ;-) xxx

 

[Confuseddd]

Bdd...i have that too.. its so horrible. ive been suicidal cause of that. Makes you feel inaadequate when in truth you really are not at all.
Your so beautiful and you cant see it because your focused on the bad about you.
I feel that too, somedays worse then others.
I promise you though that in your head you make yourself out so much worse then you are. So when im feeling that, i try my absolute best to push the thoughts away, and ignore what i hate about myself , and focus on the good and that helps me so much. I usually have to go through the motions every time i leave the house.
Its possible though it really is. Never give up
Dont ever go through with suicide. You can give hope to others like me, i hope i am giving you some hope?
Best of luck to you.

 

[panicsurvivor]

Panic attacks are chemical reactions in your brain and body. PERIOD. That's all.
They can feel like so many other horrible things. But in reality that's all they are. I struggle with this as well. But that is the thing that you have to realize and remember. They are like fire the more you give them the more they will consume until it feels like your life is gone. It is a delusion. I was in a mental hospital too once. It might not be as bad as you think. The next time you feel one coming try to imagine that it is a giant wave like a tsunami, instead of running from it, or struggling against it, just walk into it, let it wash over you and through you and concentrate on your breathing. I am sorry I don't have any better advice things aren't going very well for me right now and my head is not very clear. But I really felt for you when I read your thread. I wish I knew you in real life so I could help you. Keep your head up, and don't kill yourself, I care about you!!!!! You are a caring and sensitive person, and the world will not be as good a place without you in it.

 

[missjesss]

what is bdd???

 

[Aussie_Lad]

When you are feeling as low as you are, on the verge of suicide, there is only one way that you can go, and that is upward. You just need to remember this when you are feeling down, as the feeling can never be sustained forever and when the feeling passes, you know that you will start to feel better. Just ride that curve upwards when it happens and appreciate that you are not feeling quite as bad as you were when you had the panic attack.

what is bdd???

Body dysmorphic disorder, I am guessing.

 

[theslowesthand]

Speaking of panic attacks ... I'm quite sure i COULD have had a panic attack today (only ever had 1 other), but i DID NOT want to go down that track again!!!. Haven't been taking my meds this last week/so, only eat crisps/fizzy yesterday (& biscuits, & chocolate), & no water (so dehydrated also). I was feeling dizzy all day today & most of yesterday. And then both hands started tinging, felt bodily cold, regular muscle twinges - and was thinking 'uh oh, not this again'. So after ringing a mental-health hotline, talking for a while, i decided to take a couple of my pills, drink some water, eat something nitritious, and to NOT "get on the grog" (as that would PROBABLY, have triggered a panic attack (as that is what happened the last time).

True, a panic attack itself, is just a physical bodily/brain reaction (involving the nervous system), but in my experience it is also accopmanied by a very distressing emotional state. I suspect that the primary cause of the physical sysmptoms is physical/chemical (diet, drugs, chemicals, etc). But also some mental (reacting to change/loss, negative thinking, etc).

So today i was "tripping", almost as if i'd taken some sort of reality-altering drug (that's what it felt like). And i was certainly distressed, been absolutely miserable for past few days, and today i felt a complete loss of my "normality" (& still not feeling "normal" now). But i'm thinking maybe that's not such a bad thing, as i told my telephone councellor. I've been in this "30-year rut" for at least the past 30 years (!). And usually i can't hardly change anything in my life, can't do anything even remotely out-of-ordinary, hell i can barely go out at all. So i am constantly "stuck" in my rather miserable day-to-day reality, with no hope of escape. But today, in this "unreality bubble" that i'm still currently in, i had these courageous urges to make some drastic changes, do some drastic things .. that i probably would never otherwise do. And they are'nt "crazy" things, just things that could possibly help me "evolve" a bit faster than usual. So although panic-attacks, depressive episodes, etc, are "hell", they do possibly have some positive uses.

So I'm thinking (seriously!) that i should try to have similar "trippy" episodes on a semi-regular basis. I will need to take some action to make them happen, as i rarely get depressed nowadays, and probably a good ol' "deep depression" every now and then would have been suffice for what i want, but i'll just have to try for some other types of "trips". I'm am not talking about being a "druggie", not at all, just maybe a "casual trippie"?. Many drugs/things have very bad side-effects, and i JUST want the "trippy" thing with no side-effects. Again i stress, i want nothing to do with "drug" drugs, as they are way more harmful than they are worth. And the reason being not for "recreation", but solely for "self-development" (to help me to progress foward with life at a walk, instead of a crawl). And possibly to help me towards gaining "escape" (from my hopeless reality), "illumination", or even (spiritual) "enlightenment" in life. Otherwise, i fear that i will still be "a crawling baby" well into my senior years. I've wasted most of my life to date, and now really think it's time i took a (fairly) big step out into "the unknown", effectively "coming out from under my bed covers" for the first time in my life. Sorry for branching way off topic here! lol