Marrying someone with SA

[JodyFoster]

Thanks you guys! But see I'm as confused as ever. I agree with opaline in that YES girls are not usually attracted to guys who are awkward, and yes girls want to be protected and etc. tsk! But see, I've known my friend for way long, and he's really really talkative not to mention not afraid to tell me exactly what he feels about what. And I love his opinions and his views on the world. Like look at you guys. You are all pretty smart although you have SA right! If I met you in real life, you might or might not be able to tell me all this, I don't know. But I know that my friend cannot. He can say all this to a stranger over the Internet yes, but face to face he won't be able to string two sentences together.

Bottom line is, I don't care if he remains awkward forever (probably will). I just want him to be able to stand up for himself. Do what he wants, that sort of thing.
All these years that I have known him I've had to actively brainwash myself that he's not a good idea. But I don't know, a lot is in his hands. I think I will ask him where he's at. And that if he thinks he can do this then I believe him, I'll say. But he must be honest with me. What do you guys think? Will he be able to handle it?

And best of luck to all you guys also. Sucks that SA should kill such awesome people's life opportunities. I know that when I am with this guy I am happy. And 80 percent of our days will be spent with each other right? It's probably a rough road to take, but I think I want to.

 

[JodyFoster]

I do do hope I'm doing the right thing and not setting him up for further depression and self doubt. Id hate if he says no I can't

 

[JodyFoster]

Also, he is pretty confident around me. What's that about? Basically he's a confident person who is hampered by this thing beyond his control?

 

[MikeyC]

All these years that I have known him I've had to actively brainwash myself that he's not a good idea. But I don't know, a lot is in his hands. I think I will ask him where he's at. And that if he thinks he can do this then I believe him, I'll say. But he must be honest with me. What do you guys think? Will he be able to handle it?

That's a question that will only be answered once you ask him where he's at.

Sounds like you're going to go for it. Make sure you tell us how it went.

 

[Odo]

And 80 percent of our days will be spent with each other right? It's probably a rough road to take, but I think I want to.

I think what will happen is that you'll have your own friends and interests and he'll have his own thing as well. The difference being your 'me time' might be socializing with other people while his might be going for a walk or planning a trip or something less people-y.

You don't have to spend every waking moment together, that's nuts!

 

[nicole1]

Whoa... This is who he is. In addition to his lacking of social skills, he is passive. You can't pick him apart so then he could be your perfect mate. Leave him bee.

I'm speaking from a point of view of someone who isn't so different. People are socially different and cope on their own without friends trying to play "let's fix you." It's like you're telling this person who to be. That's not cool at all.

 

[mikebird]

I want to do that!

Now I'll read the whole thread to see what you all think

 

[JodyFoster]

lol oda I meant 80 percent of the time we spend together will be Spent hopefully not around a tonne of judgmental people. This world is so pathetic in so many ways! I've been avoiding talking to him because I feared I was setting him up for a fall. He wouldn't feel up to it and and would beat himself up about it and that's the last thing I want. But now I feel it's only fair to all three of us that I ask. Thanks you guys! I'm not even slightly SA. So you know, I feel I can socialise for the both of us and that helps him. Like sometimes I'll keep talking endlessly so then he doesn't seem awkward and it looks like I'm just not giving him a chance. Or I'll deliberately include something I know he'd have something to say about! Helpful no? I know I'm not being the most sensible person here but what can you do.

 

[MikeyC]

Again, let me know how it goes with him. I can't deny I'm curious now.

 

[vj288]

Also, he is pretty confident around me. What's that about? Basically he's a confident person who is hampered by this thing beyond his control?

As someone who is like that, I'd say it has to do with comfort zones. The way you feel around mostly everybody, he probably only feels around some people or in some situations, and it sounds as if you're one of the lucky few he's able to be "himself" around.

 

[just-me]

All i can say after reading this is that he is a lucky guy, at least someone is thinking about him.

 

[moses]

I'm not even in a relationship and it's very hard for me to improve. So, I would recommend not to push him because It might make things worse.

 

[JodyFoster]

Guys I'm having the hardest time talking to him. I have been meaning to tell him for days now but I'm afraid that if he's not up for it, he might say no to me but at the same time reduce his self worth for himself also

Do you think I am way off here? I don't want to convince him to say yes because then the courage to say yes wouldn't be his own. Does that make sense? Should I just go for it? Very very afraid to make him feel worse/put him in a spot.

 

[MikeyC]

Don't think about it. Just lay out what you want and then it's up to him to say yes or no. If he's not up for it, he will tell you.

 

[Odo]

 

[JodyFoster]

Thanks for the motivation!

 

[thegunners21]

Like everyone else, I'm rooting for the guy with the low self-esteem, because I can relate so much. You have to remember though, his insecurities won't magically go away. Too many women have this maternal instinct where they will try to "fix" the guy, and of course fail more often than not.

Also, if my best friend asked me if I liked her right before her wedding, I'd probably say no to her because I would feel like I'd be ruining a marriage. So keep that in mind.

You mentioned that he is confident, intelligent and a great guy when he is around you. That is the guy hiding under the SA. That is the real him. They guy that makes you happy.

In the end, the decision is up to you. Just don't expect it to be rainbows and sunshine even if he says yes, it will be a lot of work.

 

[thegunners21]

Also, as someone said, he is a lucky guy. He has a friend that genuinely cares about him. So many of us have no idea what that feels like :/

 

[Flanscho]

Whether being in a relationship improves SA... Depends on the person. In the best case: yes. While you have to motivate him at first to join you on this or that event, he'll gain confidence over time. But it can also backfire. He might be happy the way it is, now having a partner, and sees now even less reason to get into contact with anyone, causing his isolation to spread over to you.

I'm myself not really a fan of marrying. Sure, it's romantic, but I can spend the thousands of bucks also on a romantic vacation with my partner or lots of other things. I don't need the government either to tell us that we are a couple, and we can give each other rings or other presents just the same. So... can't really help you there.

But it doesn't seem to me that you really love the SA friend of yours. I mean, why would you have never approached him? Maybe you just feel pity? I don't know.

 

[Odo]

Thanks for the motivation!

Don't thank me, thank the China-friendly corporation that paid millions of dollars for an advertising guy to come up with the most inspiring slogan in the entire world.