daisydaydreamz
Active member
Hi.
I wasn't too sure where to post this. I have AvPD, so this seems as good a place as any.
I met a man 10 years ago who seemed to be the man of my dreams. To cut a long story short after a whirlwind romance we got married. He was helpful around the house, good with my 2 little ones and we both enjoyed shared interests.
Very gradually, I'm not even sure when as it was SO gradual things began to turn sour. I won't go into detail as young people read these posts, but he began to get me to push my boundaries regarding sexual behaviour. In particular, exhibitionism. He liked me to dress provocatively, and would take me out to pubs like that, so other men could look at me. It went way beyond what I was comfortable with. If I refused and dressed in a way I felt comfortable, even if it was in a way most people would view as subtly sexy, I might as well have been invisible to him. He also liked to go out at night with me and have me take off my clothes in parks etc and take pictures.
At the start it was just a small part of what was a pretty ''normal'' life. But over time he changed and became moody and sulky. His tolerance levels in regard to the children dropped, so that we were all walking on eggshells around him. He was always negative, miserable and critical. He never noticed anything good anybody did and never gave praise. I soon learnt that the only way to make him happy was to indulge him with the ''naughty stuff''. However, the period of time in which he was actually happy was becoming shorter and shorter. In the end I told him I wasn't prepared to do it anymore. He has since emotionally withdrawn, and has told me he doesn't love me, and that it's my fault because I led him to believe I was into the same stuff he was, when in fact I was only doing it to please him. We kept rowing, going round in circles, knowing something was badly wrong with our relationship but being unable to fix it.
I had become so wrapped up in trying to please my husband that it would be fair to say I've ''lost myself'' along the way. I feel numb to the core, exhausted and apathetic. Thankfully just a few days ago I was looking online at ''people who can't feel love'', trying to find an answer and I discovered that my husband is a Narcissist! He isn't so bad as to meet the criteria for NPD, but he has many of the traits. Furthermore I discovered that I myself am something known as ''co-dependent''. I am drawn to damaged people, and devote myself entirely to trying to ''fix'' them. I even realised I've done the same thing before in previous relationships.
I have started counselling, just one session so far. All I've done as yet is outline the problem. I have a long way to go. I will try to ''fix'' myself, my husband sadly is most likely unfixable. This is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I have to somehow find the strength to leave a man who despite everything was... is... and probably always will be the love of my life.
I wasn't too sure where to post this. I have AvPD, so this seems as good a place as any.
I met a man 10 years ago who seemed to be the man of my dreams. To cut a long story short after a whirlwind romance we got married. He was helpful around the house, good with my 2 little ones and we both enjoyed shared interests.
Very gradually, I'm not even sure when as it was SO gradual things began to turn sour. I won't go into detail as young people read these posts, but he began to get me to push my boundaries regarding sexual behaviour. In particular, exhibitionism. He liked me to dress provocatively, and would take me out to pubs like that, so other men could look at me. It went way beyond what I was comfortable with. If I refused and dressed in a way I felt comfortable, even if it was in a way most people would view as subtly sexy, I might as well have been invisible to him. He also liked to go out at night with me and have me take off my clothes in parks etc and take pictures.
At the start it was just a small part of what was a pretty ''normal'' life. But over time he changed and became moody and sulky. His tolerance levels in regard to the children dropped, so that we were all walking on eggshells around him. He was always negative, miserable and critical. He never noticed anything good anybody did and never gave praise. I soon learnt that the only way to make him happy was to indulge him with the ''naughty stuff''. However, the period of time in which he was actually happy was becoming shorter and shorter. In the end I told him I wasn't prepared to do it anymore. He has since emotionally withdrawn, and has told me he doesn't love me, and that it's my fault because I led him to believe I was into the same stuff he was, when in fact I was only doing it to please him. We kept rowing, going round in circles, knowing something was badly wrong with our relationship but being unable to fix it.
I had become so wrapped up in trying to please my husband that it would be fair to say I've ''lost myself'' along the way. I feel numb to the core, exhausted and apathetic. Thankfully just a few days ago I was looking online at ''people who can't feel love'', trying to find an answer and I discovered that my husband is a Narcissist! He isn't so bad as to meet the criteria for NPD, but he has many of the traits. Furthermore I discovered that I myself am something known as ''co-dependent''. I am drawn to damaged people, and devote myself entirely to trying to ''fix'' them. I even realised I've done the same thing before in previous relationships.
I have started counselling, just one session so far. All I've done as yet is outline the problem. I have a long way to go. I will try to ''fix'' myself, my husband sadly is most likely unfixable. This is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I have to somehow find the strength to leave a man who despite everything was... is... and probably always will be the love of my life.
