Making friendships is hard

[JCVA]

Pardon me if my english isn't too well.

I have been conditioned to being a loner since high-school. I pushed away people who tried to get to know me and I noticed that my social circle has been dwindling. Yeah big mistake back then but I was a teenager and I didn't know any better. At university, I made some friends that didn't last very long.

Now here I am looking to making new friends but it just seems so difficult. Making friends at work is difficult since I work mostly with people in their 40s and Im in my mid 20s. I get along with them but when talking about things, it rather seems difficult because most of the time I cant relate.

How does one get to meet new people easily? How does one move on from a loner temperament and become more sociable?

 

[vj288]

If you want to meet new people there are lot's of things you can do; Volunteer, join a club or organization, go to social type events in your community,ect ect.

A few things you can do is to make sure to smile and be friendly. It makes you appear inviting, people want to talk to you. And don't really go into things thinking "I want to make a new friend," focus more on the little things like talking with someone and having a conversation. Friendships develop, you don't go out there and find them.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

How does one get to meet new people easily? How does one move on from a loner temperament and become more sociable?

I am in the same predicament. It is quite difficult meeting people and making friends after a certain age it seems...but then, people are always meeting new people. So it is possible.

If you want to meet new people there are lot's of things you can do; Volunteer, join a club or organization, go to social type events in your community,ect ect.

Doing new activities does offer the opportunity of mingling with people. I have never tried volunteering, but it does seem like a good way to meet others and do something worthwhile as well.

I don't know about clubs or organizations. I guess I don't really understand what kinds of clubs there are after school I was never one to join clubs or sports. Not active at church either. All those activities would make it easier to meet others for sure though! I have tried using sites like meetup.com but all the groups seem defunct there.

And don't really go into things thinking "I want to make a new friend," focus more on the little things like talking with someone and having a conversation. Friendships develop, you don't go out there and find them.

Excellent advice. It applies to dating too. It is always a bad idea to go to a club and expect to meet your soul mate; disappointment always ensues.

 

[Kiwong]

The friends I have made always initiate the friendship. I never have the confidence to make friends myself.

 

[KiaKaha]

I dont know. I am really bad at making friendships. I am friendly but it feels that people are just to wrapped up in their own world to bother getting to know someone new. I think there is lots of variables that come into play when it comes to new friendships. Its just easier for some people than it is for others.

 

[JCVA]

If you want to meet new people there are lot's of things you can do; Volunteer, join a club or organization, go to social type events in your community,ect ect.

A few things you can do is to make sure to smile and be friendly. It makes you appear inviting, people want to talk to you. And don't really go into things thinking "I want to make a new friend," focus more on the little things like talking with someone and having a conversation. Friendships develop, you don't go out there and find them.

Yeah I see your point. The problem with me is that I don't have many topics to talk about when conversing. I usually let the other person initiate the topic but when it's me in the other end, Im stuck.

Sure I can talk about the daily weather or news but that gets boring quick.

By the way, do you know a website that list social events or clubs in a specific region?

 

[TheRadicalAnxiousLefty]

I have a difficult time making friends as well. I rarely approach people, and if I find myself having a half decent conversation with someone, I don't try to approach them again in the future. Why? Because my over-analytical mind goes over the conversation again, again, again, and again, magnifying normal moments into gaffes, explaining away any positive aspects, and giving the whole episode an ominous message; a call to deterrence to not initiate contact with that person again, because he or she does not like me.

 

[Ms Cloud]

I have a difficult time making friends as well. I rarely approach people, and if I find myself having a half decent conversation with someone, I don't try to approach them again in the future. Why? Because my over-analytical mind goes over the conversation again, again, again, and again, magnifying normal moments into gaffes, explaining away any positive aspects, and giving the whole episode an ominous message; a call to deterrence to not initiate contact with that person again, because he or she does not like me.

That was damn poetic. I couldn't have said it better.

 

[NP88]

I have a difficult time making friends as well. I rarely approach people, and if I find myself having a half decent conversation with someone, I don't try to approach them again in the future. Why? Because my over-analytical mind goes over the conversation again, again, again, and again, magnifying normal moments into gaffes, explaining away any positive aspects, and giving the whole episode an ominous message; a call to deterrence to not initiate contact with that person again, because he or she does not like me.

I more so tend to think that If I've had one good conversation I've set their expectations of me too high and try and avoid them. I have trouble experiencing the highs and lows of everyday conversation. I feel that I always need to be witty, and interesting or there no point in talking to me. : /

 

[Ms Cloud]

I more so tend to think that If I've had one good conversation I've set their expectations of me too high and try and avoid them. I have trouble experiencing the highs and lows of everyday conversation. I feel that I always need to be witty, and interesting or there no point in talking to me. : /

So true. The last person I alienated was for this reason. I think he expected me to dazzle him with wit, and instead I was just myself.

I don't like being put on the spot and expected to "audition" for someone else's approval. I instinctively rebel against it (perhaps too much).

 

[JamesSmith]

The way friends work is that the more friends you get, the more friends you get. Friends usually have big circles, and usually if you become friends with one of them, you are invited into their circle.

I have a friendship circle, but I left because I was having problems with hating being around them. I don't know where all these "social clubs" people speak of are. All I've seen is meetup.com, and those were specific interest groups that didn't meet very often.

My problem is I get so freaking bored when around people, because most of the time the conversation happens between other people, while I'm the fifth wheel so to speak, and I wind up having to just sit there and listen to what they talk about and not get involved. I'm very shy around people, even people I've known for years. I just don't know what to say, and usually don't want to say anything.

We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll have to join up with friends or a social group eventually, so I don't get too depressed and lonely.