Love-Shyness

[2112]

"Would love to hear advice of what a "shy man" would like a girl to do that may ease their fear, embarrassment, pain, in this situation."

...that would be very helpful. I just met this guy and he told me that he used to love this girl that he knew loved him but he acted as though he was rejecting her because he was too scared and she finally gave up which made him really really sad. What you guys said about guys who are love-shy, that they endup living lonely and sad lives..argh i dont think anyone deserves that especially not him! I want to help him but i dont know what to do..

 

[jazy]

I suffer from love shyness as well. I just don’t see myself being married with a wife and kids. Besides, I always feel stupid when I would approach a woman and she would turn me down. Probably because I’m a ugly piece of s**t. I don’t know, being single is all that bad. You would save a lot of money staying single than having a family to waste it on right? It’s pointless really. All I can say is that if you think that you will never find somebody call up an escort service. It might help.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

love shyness

My suggestion is to use technology. If you are sure he has somekind of anxiety and have regular contack with this person;

Get his e-mail first and try chatting online.
If that does't work at least give him the link to this site and we will take it from there. You sound like you have a kind heart. Do you have anxiety like the rest of us?check you pm.

 

[rado31]

I believe most people here are love-shy and therefore lonely.
See this as a root of problem

 

[bulldog21083]

I am love shy as well, I'm 24 years old. The thing with me is I really want a relationship, but I'm not good at approaching girls and starting a conversation. I've never had a relationship; I probably had a few opportunities for one, but I don't really realize it until it's too late. I'm not really good at telling if a girl likes me or not, if one does it seems like I don't realize it till it's too late.

I think the main reason is I've very shy and even though I'm happy with my life (other than the lack of a relationship) I don't smile a whole lot, I just don't like my smile. So I think I am sending out the vibe that I'm not happy, not friendly, and just want to be left alone.

 

[opinionated_m]

women love shyness

maybe some can agree w me on this.. but this is what I've gone through
blame it on my SA bc it's hard for me to be myself around guys I like

i overcame SA for about 4yrs ...but a recent relationship where the guy just used me to sleep with me & I was hiding that I was dating him from my best friend who orginally had the crush on him... was part of the start of my relapse of SA.

SA has made it really hard to get close to men I'm attracted to w/out feeling very uncomfortable. usually if they are comfortable & pursue me makes it easier.

But lately have been usuing alcohal just to watch movies at guys houses who are also alchohalics usually (most of them are great guys...) but in turn I kind of set myself up with my shyness to be used by men & them not wanting to get to know me.. so on top of my recent neck tension I developed 9mo's ago.. I've felt rejected & like men just want to sleep w me & not get to know me. (of course even though I drink doesn't mean i sleep w them..). however I put myself in these situations where bc I want to be comfortable I don't go on dates but prefer to watch movies at the guys house & have a few drinks so I can feel comforatable.. & it doesn't lead anywhere bc then the guy just wants to use me. so SA for women can def have disadvantges. but I've just decided to quit dating until I overcome my SA & feel more comfortable going on real dates w out drinking.

 

[rado31]

I am love shy as well, I'm 24 years old. The thing with me is I really want a relationship, but I'm not good at approaching girls and starting a conversation. I've never had a relationship; I probably had a few opportunities for one, but I don't really realize it until it's too late. I'm not really good at telling if a girl likes me or not, if one does it seems like I don't realize it till it's too late.

I think the main reason is I've very shy and even though I'm happy with my life (other than the lack of a relationship) I don't smile a whole lot, I just don't like my smile. So I think I am sending out the vibe that I'm not happy, not friendly, and just want to be left alone.

Very nice young lady approached to me in a postal office an hour ago. On the surface i looked cool and told her few sentences and then i got extremely over-heated, over-stimulated and FUCKED UP! , so i move away from her. It was pretty obvious that she was not only seeking information but she was trying to comunicate with me. I really hate this...
I m love shy , love frustrated, i m too horny as a imprisoned beast...

I remeber only 3 times that i approach girls that i really like , that were fitting my fancy taste. But that was in so distant past......Unsuccesful, offcourse-otherwise i wont became what i did become..

Now this girls approach me and i ran away, i did this last year also...
both of them was almost like those ones i super adore. What will happen if such a perfect lady as i dream approach me, i m asking you? Again what if./

In fact, only girls that i m able to be with is the ones that i dont dig at all....Can you imagine that kind of shit? No, wait...i cant be with them either...i can be only alone

...i wish my life end as soon as possible....i cant deal with this never-solving problem...

 

[flake__]

ermm..does this thread apply to girls aswell?

i would class myself as love-shy! cos of the SP. i guess it is much harder for a guy tho as they have to make all the first moves.

turned down lots of guys. even ones i really liked. sometimes i'll talk to them, but if they ever actually asked me out or made a move i just get a voice saying 'run away, run away!'. very frustrating when you actually like the guy, cos then they obviously think you don't like them and back off. and them i'm like, why did i do that?!

saying that i had a year-long relationship, ended several months ago. looking back i really have no idea how i managed that. i felt hardly any SP with him, and he had no idea of my SP. rarely i will meet someone like that. sometimes i think this is because my sister bullied me as a kid, and cos she is female i feel more SP around girls than guys?!

i don't know.

"Would love to hear advice of what a "shy man" would like a girl to do that may ease their fear, embarrassment, pain, in this situation."

...that would be very helpful. I just met this guy and he told me that he used to love this girl that he knew loved him but he acted as though he was rejecting her because he was too scared and she finally gave up which made him really really sad. What you guys said about guys who are love-shy, that they endup living lonely and sad lives..argh i dont think anyone deserves that especially not him! I want to help him but i dont know what to do..

Be as disarmingly nice as possible, and show that you get hurt if the guy appears to reject you. I don't mean angry, but hurt. If the guy can see the girl is emotionally vulnerable like him, this can help overcome the fear.

 

[rado31]

i hate to say...but it is easier for a girl to be like that for one reason : all girls look like that on a surface, both SA or non-SA girls. It is usual that a girl is the one that choose her company (Or her SA ).

If you are boy you are get a lot of negative mis-judgments or miss-assumptions , you can presume which they are. Life is a hell for shy men.
i think ill blame my parents for being like this..in some other post..or maybe never..

flake, i often ask myself how you so good understand a SP-guy problematics...frankly(and other guys here), i didnt know the answer to the question that girl hooked on a shy guy asked. till i read your post.

 

[flake__]

Yeh i guess. With a girl you can get away with alot more!

But i don't think it's all bad for guys. Alot of girls like shy, sensitive guys. And girls can be alot more understanding. So don't give up hope!

rado31, it's only cos i have been in the same situation! as in i'm the shy one with non-shy partner. and the disarmingly nice thing worked with me--it just completely crumbles your anti-social, must-protect-myself defences, and if he had acted more emotionally-vulnerable i wouldn't have pulled away.

we SP-ers tend to think of our partner as confident and never needing reassurance, and to be honest as probably going to wise up and leave any moment, whilst we view us as the only emotionally-vulnerable one, always needing reassurance. We don't realise they can't read our thoughts and desperately want us to like them too! If that makes sense.

 

[italia2007]

rado31 OMFG! you just described me completely - it sucks!!!!


i got extremely over-heated, over-stimulated and FUCKED UP! so i move away from her.


i thought i was the only one!!!!

I am love shy as well, I'm 24 years old. The thing with me is I really want a relationship, but I'm not good at approaching girls and starting a conversation. I've never had a relationship; I probably had a few opportunities for one, but I don't really realize it until it's too late. I'm not really good at telling if a girl likes me or not, if one does it seems like I don't realize it till it's too late.

I think the main reason is I've very shy and even though I'm happy with my life (other than the lack of a relationship) I don't smile a whole lot, I just don't like my smile. So I think I am sending out the vibe that I'm not happy, not friendly, and just want to be left alone.

Very nice young lady approached to me in a postal office an hour ago. On the surface i looked cool and told her few sentences and then It was pretty obvious that she was not only seeking information but she was trying to comunicate with me. I really hate this...
I m love shy , love frustrated, i m too horny as a imprisoned beast...

I remeber only 3 times that i approach girls that i really like , that were fitting my fancy taste. But that was in so distant past......Unsuccesful, offcourse-otherwise i wont became what i did become..

Now this girls approach me and i ran away, i did this last year also...
both of them was almost like those ones i super adore. What will happen if such a perfect lady as i dream approach me, i m asking you? Again what if./

In fact, only girls that i m able to be with is the ones that i dont dig at all....Can you imagine that kind of shit? No, wait...i cant be with them either...i can be only alone

...i wish my life end as soon as possible....i cant deal with this never-solving problem...

 

[recluse]

Here is a topic that I Goggled; I sort of relate with it (a bit) :-

Love-Shyness

Love-shyness is a life-crippling condition. Victims of love-shyness are unable to marry, cannot have children, and do not participate in the normal adolescent and young adult activities of dating and courtship. Moreover, the heterosexual love-shy are often misperceived as homosexual. The never-married, heterosexually inactive man has long been known to be vulnerable to all manner of quite serious and often bizarre pathologies. In most cases, these men do not allow themselves to become involved in anything or in any activity, wholesome or otherwise, for which there is any kind of existent social support group. The love-shy do not have anybody to relate to as a friend or to count on for emotional support.

Love-shyness afflicts approximately 1.5 percent of most male populations. More succinctly, love-shyness will effectively prevent many of its male sufferers from ever marrying and from ever experiencing any form of intimate sexual contact with a woman."

I'm almost 40 and have never so much as kissed a woman, what's even worse (in a culture where men are expected to make the first move) I've never even had the courage to ask. I feel such shame about my secret but even worse is the pain of going everywhere and doing everything alone when everywhere I turn are couples.

(end quote)

Does anyone else relate to this?

Yes i can relate to this. I really want to find a girl and have a relationship but the thought of being in a relationship makes me so anxious. I really think i would screw up and the girl will leave me for being too boring and lame o'r something. I'm 26 and never had a girlfriend and i'm so afraid because i feel that i will never change.

 

[recluse]

Here is a topic that I Goggled; I sort of relate with it (a bit) :-

Love-Shyness

Love-shyness is a life-crippling condition. Victims of love-shyness are unable to marry, cannot have children, and do not participate in the normal adolescent and young adult activities of dating and courtship. Moreover, the heterosexual love-shy are often misperceived as homosexual. The never-married, heterosexually inactive man has long been known to be vulnerable to all manner of quite serious and often bizarre pathologies. In most cases, these men do not allow themselves to become involved in anything or in any activity, wholesome or otherwise, for which there is any kind of existent social support group. The love-shy do not have anybody to relate to as a friend or to count on for emotional support.

Love-shyness afflicts approximately 1.5 percent of most male populations. More succinctly, love-shyness will effectively prevent many of its male sufferers from ever marrying and from ever experiencing any form of intimate sexual contact with a woman."

I'm almost 40 and have never so much as kissed a woman, what's even worse (in a culture where men are expected to make the first move) I've never even had the courage to ask. I feel such shame about my secret but even worse is the pain of going everywhere and doing everything alone when everywhere I turn are couples.

(end quote)

Does anyone else relate to this?

Yes i can relate to this. I really want to find a girl and have a relationship but the thought of being in a relationship makes me so anxious. I really think i would screw up and the girl will leave me for being too boring and lame o'r something. I'm 26 and never had a girlfriend and i'm so afraid because i feel that i will never change. I want to experience love before i die, that's all i wish for.

 

[italia2007]

How do you react?

How do you all react when you are really into a girl but are to scared to talk, flirt, make a move...what kinds of things do you do? Do you ever try to let her know? If so, how???

 

[rado31]

rado31 OMFG! you just described me completely - it sucks!!!!

i thought i was the only one!!!!

I Remeber being higly attracted to one girl when i was 15 on a summer holday. She has got such lovely face, i remeber even her name. And suddenly came the opportunity to meet her-me and some acquitance arranged playing cards with this group of girls. Then she said something to me with the voice that was SO-CONFIDENT that i lost my mind and started to immpersonate her . Next few times that i did see her i was total mess. I think i m really a loonie.

I remeber that i approach only 3 times normally to the girls that i m ab-normally attracted (like in these extreme casese that we are describing).
It never went to well, but i was proud of myself because i prove myself that i m able to do that- approached without anyones help.

I m still a mess when i m highly attracted, maybe even more because when i was younger i didnt think much about the sex thing.

 

[jerseygrlnco]

Love shyness

I'm desperately in love with a co-worker who I believe is also love shy. We have a little bit of an age difference- he's early 20's and I'm early 30's. I believe I come off as a very charismatic extrovert and although he is attracted to that, he is also afraid of me. One of his friends told me he has never had a girlfriend and the woman he ends up getting together with will be his for life. I have been crazy about him since the first day I've met him and it grows daily. He is the most amazing man I've ever met. Immensely intelligent, sexy, interesting, reliable, kind and compassionate. He is the kind of man that will step up when required but never out of his own need to be the leader.

I've been shy in the past as well but have gained more confidence through experiences. For me the fear of rejection just wasn't so strong after I actually experienced rejection a few times.

Unfortunately his shyness rubs off on me and when we have the opportunity to connect- we end up quietly staring into each others eyes with nothing but enourmous smiles on our mouths. Our eye contact is intense and I can see his longing for me but when I tried to approach too quickly he ran away. Now I'm not sure what to do- I'm not sure what he wants me to do. Is it too childish to have a friend ask him what he thinks of me? I guess if I knew I wasn't making unwanted advances- I just might be able to do the asking. But really, how can I win? If I make the move I'll scare him away and if I wait for him I could be waiting in vain. What's a girl to do?

 

[Johno]

Hi jersey.
Its simple just give him your number and say call me. Then leave it to him. Even a note or anything is much appreciated by men. Often men need more than suggestions, flirting, touching, etc. Especially shy men. Be direct. Sometimes we need to hear it or read it. Words mean alot to us guys. Subtle remarks and bumping into him might alert him to the fact that your interested. However, most time guys need to hear it. Then leave it to them. Iam sure that he would love the attention.
Just my opinion

 

[Abalone]

Indeed, I'm 30 and pretty much fit the "love-shy" category. Never been in a relationship. I have managed to let about 4 women know how I felt about them, but always got "I already have a boyfriend". It's like they're a bunch of pre-programmed robots.

It always takes me a long time to get up the courage to let the woman know, so the rejection hits especially hard. From what I've read, women make allowing you into a romantic relationship entirely contingent on your social skills and confidence; if you're handsome, nice, intelligent, and even kinda funny that won't matter.

I loathe the gender standard that guys always have to make the first move; I wish more women would defy it. I've grown bitter and depressed and rather resentful of women for shutting me out. This really sucks.

 

[spectator]

Love-shyness is currently the greatest reason for depression in my life. The only "cure" I am considering is to devote myself purely to studies and work. Maybe I can use money as a substitute for love. Or maybe a profession where I save lives, directly or indirectly. Or maybe something religious. Maybe I'll join the military and live through killing. I haven't decided yet. As long as it is a job with which I can feel complete without any girl or any companion by my side. I really hate being a loner but I am simply not material for a girl. The only thing I have going for me is intelligence, and I can be funny at times. These qualities don't appeal to any girl I've known. I get called adorable and cute and one girl even called me a "lost puppy." Well thanks but that won't get me anywhere. I don't have the personality for romance; I simply wasn't made for it. All the stuff in the romantic movies is bull****.

And on top of all this I have tics disease. Real attractive to see a guy making a series of twisted movements and noises. So I have to scratch even the faintest possibilities off my mind. I'll simply have to live a life without sex, love, kissing...it is enough to make me cry, but I hope over time I'll accept it and by the time I'm 30 or so it will be second-nature that I don't have a girlfriend, and not an object of depression.

 

[Riemann]

Hi all,

I found this forum when googling about love-shyness. so, as you can guess, I am suffering from it myself... reason is my fathers death early in my childhood, and emotional abuse by my mother.

during my teenage days, I was also suffering quite a bit of general shyness, but luckily that got better with the time. the only problem that remains is the heavy fear i feel when I would like to get closer to a girl in a non-asexual way...

greetings, Riemann.