Errordotocx
Well-known member
Hello everyone. Most of you here probably really don't know or remember me much at all because I rarely post on here. I visit from time to time and read a little but I don't stick around much mainly because reading the many sad stories on here day in an day out had more of a negative effect on me than a positive. You know the whole "Those you surround yourself with" thing. Kinda like that.
Anyways, since my original post back last February I have came quite far since then. Back about a year ago I was in somewhat of a dark time of my life. Was looking for answer and where to go. I have since then been able to get somewhat of a grip and control my Anxiety and Shyness to an extent and am working every day to further distance myself even more. Although I come to you all again not sure what to do where I am at and am looking for maybe a couple of answers from a few of you and maybe a little encouragement if you are willing to provide.
To start this off I will say that back towards the end of November I once again hit a somewhat of a dark time in my life. With college semester ending, moving out of my apartment....etc. Life and things around me were changing quite rapidly and I become amazingly stressed, sad and angry with myself and those around me. From there I entered a month and a half of a spiral of extreme depression and sadness. In which I endured one of the worst mentally painful days my entire life. This bad spell seemed to come to a screeching halt when I began my new semester in college. Only being able to take a couple of classes right now I chose to try my luck in Psychology and Nutrition. Psychology mainly because during the past year I have become increasingly interested in mental disorders, thoughts and just how we think and perceive things. As far as the Nutrition class goes I mainly have an interest because of the more healthy and active life I chose to pursue several years back.
Anyways, and I have seem to got off the real reason why I wrote this, as some of you might know I have never had much luck with girls. My shyness and spots of anxiety have always seemed to really **** me over when I least need them too. The first day in my Nutrition class, everything is going as planned and for some reason I am in an unusual happy mood. A few minutes before class begins a rather attractive girl walks in the door and all I can think to myself is "wow...not gonna lie, shes pretty cute". Then even though there are plenty of open seats anywhere in the class she comes up to me and asks if I would mind if she sat next too me. Of course I said I had no problem at all. Of course class went on with an introduction of the class...etc, you know first day stuff. Nearing the end of class we we're asked to pick someone to exchange information with so everyone could get more acquainted with one another. Since we were sitting by each other I guess we just naturally decided to pair up. As we went through the topics we were asked to discussed we had a few laughs and she seemed at least somewhat interested about me and things I had to say which is extremely rare for me because I can honestly say I usually find it hard to connect with anyone at all, especially girls around my age. Being me I found myself of course shy and all but I felt like I was able to kind of be open with her about stuff and although I was getting obliterated by anxiety I felt for one of the few times in my life on the same level with the person I was talking with and I actually felt pleased and happy.
This little happening, THIS little small event set me on an extreme happiness high for the two weeks following. Every day was better than the next and from there I found myself unusually talkative an open to everyone around me. The week follow this event we didn't have class because of MLK day. So like I said the good time I was having just kept going. As today rolled around I was ready for class as I wanted to see where I could take it to here. For once I saw this as maybe a chance for me to conquer one of the hardest things in my life. Getting to class I found myself not saying anything or making any eye contact at all and to make matters worse we ended up shifting class down to an auditorium in which she decided to go sit alone and I didn't pursue. For ME, this is an extreme setback and as I sit here writing this I find it hard to forgive myself for not further getting acquainted with her as I intended. Although I can honestly say we really don't know each other and it is only the second day of class I can't help but feel like I am losing control of the situation already. It almost makes me sound like a creeper and obsessive with the way I am describing all this. But i've been single for my entire life thus far..."nearly 23 years" and I am so sick of having no one and being so completely and utterly lonely. I am aware that the only way I am going to succeed is by taking a few chances and just trying for things no matter the results. But like I said it is rare for someone to have interest in me and as my friend told me after class..."there is always next class", "you can always try again next time" and while I do agree with him my life so far as been full of these "next times" and "try agains". What I am looking for here this time around is hopefully some answers, opinions and possible encouragement from some of you. I want to here what you have to say. Maybe i'm blowing this way out of proportion. But if there is a chance that I could take this somewhere I would very much like to pursue it as much as possible and this little incident has put a rather large dent in my view of the situation thus far.
But anyways. Sorry for writing the Novel of a post. But I just HAD to get this off my chest as it was about to drive me out of my mind and I really don't want to be drawn back into depression because of such event. It's already happened way too many times in the past. I am really looking forward to what you all have to say.
Thanks.
Anyways, since my original post back last February I have came quite far since then. Back about a year ago I was in somewhat of a dark time of my life. Was looking for answer and where to go. I have since then been able to get somewhat of a grip and control my Anxiety and Shyness to an extent and am working every day to further distance myself even more. Although I come to you all again not sure what to do where I am at and am looking for maybe a couple of answers from a few of you and maybe a little encouragement if you are willing to provide.
To start this off I will say that back towards the end of November I once again hit a somewhat of a dark time in my life. With college semester ending, moving out of my apartment....etc. Life and things around me were changing quite rapidly and I become amazingly stressed, sad and angry with myself and those around me. From there I entered a month and a half of a spiral of extreme depression and sadness. In which I endured one of the worst mentally painful days my entire life. This bad spell seemed to come to a screeching halt when I began my new semester in college. Only being able to take a couple of classes right now I chose to try my luck in Psychology and Nutrition. Psychology mainly because during the past year I have become increasingly interested in mental disorders, thoughts and just how we think and perceive things. As far as the Nutrition class goes I mainly have an interest because of the more healthy and active life I chose to pursue several years back.
Anyways, and I have seem to got off the real reason why I wrote this, as some of you might know I have never had much luck with girls. My shyness and spots of anxiety have always seemed to really **** me over when I least need them too. The first day in my Nutrition class, everything is going as planned and for some reason I am in an unusual happy mood. A few minutes before class begins a rather attractive girl walks in the door and all I can think to myself is "wow...not gonna lie, shes pretty cute". Then even though there are plenty of open seats anywhere in the class she comes up to me and asks if I would mind if she sat next too me. Of course I said I had no problem at all. Of course class went on with an introduction of the class...etc, you know first day stuff. Nearing the end of class we we're asked to pick someone to exchange information with so everyone could get more acquainted with one another. Since we were sitting by each other I guess we just naturally decided to pair up. As we went through the topics we were asked to discussed we had a few laughs and she seemed at least somewhat interested about me and things I had to say which is extremely rare for me because I can honestly say I usually find it hard to connect with anyone at all, especially girls around my age. Being me I found myself of course shy and all but I felt like I was able to kind of be open with her about stuff and although I was getting obliterated by anxiety I felt for one of the few times in my life on the same level with the person I was talking with and I actually felt pleased and happy.
This little happening, THIS little small event set me on an extreme happiness high for the two weeks following. Every day was better than the next and from there I found myself unusually talkative an open to everyone around me. The week follow this event we didn't have class because of MLK day. So like I said the good time I was having just kept going. As today rolled around I was ready for class as I wanted to see where I could take it to here. For once I saw this as maybe a chance for me to conquer one of the hardest things in my life. Getting to class I found myself not saying anything or making any eye contact at all and to make matters worse we ended up shifting class down to an auditorium in which she decided to go sit alone and I didn't pursue. For ME, this is an extreme setback and as I sit here writing this I find it hard to forgive myself for not further getting acquainted with her as I intended. Although I can honestly say we really don't know each other and it is only the second day of class I can't help but feel like I am losing control of the situation already. It almost makes me sound like a creeper and obsessive with the way I am describing all this. But i've been single for my entire life thus far..."nearly 23 years" and I am so sick of having no one and being so completely and utterly lonely. I am aware that the only way I am going to succeed is by taking a few chances and just trying for things no matter the results. But like I said it is rare for someone to have interest in me and as my friend told me after class..."there is always next class", "you can always try again next time" and while I do agree with him my life so far as been full of these "next times" and "try agains". What I am looking for here this time around is hopefully some answers, opinions and possible encouragement from some of you. I want to here what you have to say. Maybe i'm blowing this way out of proportion. But if there is a chance that I could take this somewhere I would very much like to pursue it as much as possible and this little incident has put a rather large dent in my view of the situation thus far.
But anyways. Sorry for writing the Novel of a post. But I just HAD to get this off my chest as it was about to drive me out of my mind and I really don't want to be drawn back into depression because of such event. It's already happened way too many times in the past. I am really looking forward to what you all have to say.
Thanks.
