Looking at people´s eyes

[MrJones]

I tend to avoid eye contact too, especially with women. It's not that I don't like it, but then my face turns red, I start sweating and sometimes even shaking...
And I look more interesting while looking to the void, Horatio Caine style

 

[Patrick26]

I hate looking at sexy eyes! you feel inferior, and must look away. Yes this includes guys, no i'm not gay.

 

[matthew_]

I look people in the eyes, find it hard, like most of you.
I find that looking someone in the eyes while in a group to be harder, because there is some kind of pressure on me.

The thing is, that most people only care about what we do, not think. (bear with me here)
What i mean by this, if we don't look at them in the eyes, then that's an action. Often i think that me looking someone in the eyes while conversing, will mean that they can read me and my fears. If something is true for me, then it's true for everyone else.

However, I think - mostly - things are not that complicated.

Next time you have a conversation with someone, go in knowing that there is a 90% chance that they won't actually give a damn if you are scared, being scared shows a lot less than you might think it does.

 

[Falkor]

You know this might seem strange, but I always look in people's eyes (only not when I can't handle the confrontation/conversation) I mostly look at people because I always wanna look if they don't look weird at me, with odd faces or judging me. So I'm kinda always looking for approval in people's eyes, aren't they looking weird at me? I should stop this, but the problem is, I lose control when I'm in a social situation, sometimes I look away like you guys, sometimes I look around everywhere because I get friggin' nervous.
These situations are triggin' so much anxiety that I cannot handle it..

I just don't know how to act in such situations..
My problem is.. that I cannot wear a mask, I wish I could (not literally)

 

[matthew_]

I just don't know how to act in such situations..
My problem is.. that I cannot wear a mask, I wish I could (not literally)

Which on some level is a blessing. Again, giving actual advice on this forum is near impossible due to each person having a particular combination of catalysts and symptoms.

However, for whatever it's worth, have you tried being extremely open?. My thinking is that if you find it hard wearing a social mask, then perhaps you don't have to. I recently had a conversation with my relatives, and one of my relatives mentioned drugs. I said outright, "Yeah, I was trying effexor for about 6 months"

"What's that?"

"Anti anxiety medication"

"Why did you take it" (you must try and ignore/accept comments like this)

"Because I was suffering from anxiety, still am, mind you, I just am trying to tackle it head on now instead of with drugs"

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Now, true, I did not say I was suffering from social phobia, but it's a step in the right direction.
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About a year ago, i would have never said something like that. I would have been embarrassed, or think that me saying that would lead to people thinking less of me. However I find that if I am completely honest about most things with people, nomatter how those things might seem, or how i imagine they might seem, that it somehow works better for me than being evasive as a form of self protection, or only partly honest.

Mind you, there are still many times that I outright lie, I am currently in between these two stages. Change is gradual, incremental, for me at least. (As much as i wish it was "snap your fingers")

 

[Mickery]

Could you try wearing very dark glasses so that others can't see your eye movements? So you get some practise relaxing what you're doing.

 

[Falkor]

dark glasses are great, it helps a lot indeed , I recommend