Loneliest. Christmas. Ever.

[FallenFeathers]

.Guy I'm in love with wanted to meet up. I told him to **** off, politely. No I said...I am not worthy of you, why can't you just leave me alone?

I'm not going to be too harsh with you because I would only be repeating what other people have said.

I know it might be hard, but you could try and let this guy decide for himself if your "worthy" or not. He obviously thinks you are, so why put words in his mouth or make the decision for him. I really do get feelings insecure and bad about yourself that you feel incapable of being with/around someone. And you will not be the only person who pushes people away, I don't mean to be but I can be very closed off and distant to the few people close to me in my life and even my parents.

Try and think though more so with the guy, if you really do believe things are utterly hopeless and could never work out... and I presume your telling him to leave you alone, because in your own way.. your trying to get him to move on and spare him pain you feel you will bring him? As noble as the idea is... the reality is he's still going to feel rejected and hurt.. and if its so hopeless, what do you have to loose by trying?

I know it's hard, but if we never try and change then we are going to be doomed to repeat the same cycles in life until we get old one day and look back and realize it's too late and regret not taking action. The only time we truly fail in life is when we stop trying.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I understand completely. Unforunately many others do not and might take it the wrong way. It is avoidance-style coping, where to avoid any chance of rejection you reject others first. I experience the exact same thing.
I wish you the best of luck and a better future for the new year.

 

[Xervello]

...just like last year.. I didn't maintain any friendships and I ignored my family. Stayed in my room to soak in my loneliness. Deluded in my cyberworld. Guy I'm in love with wanted to meet up. I told him to **** off, politely. No I said...I am not worthy of you, why can't you just leave me alone? Happy Holidays everybody. <3

Sorry to read that, Jane. It sucks, truly. Out of curiosity though, have you ever been/or diagnosed yourself as having avoidant personality disorder? It's a possibility that the cyberworld (of which a lot of us are addicted to) is your way of controlling relationships or whatever kind of chaos is in your life. Or in your head. I, and several others, do that quite a lot. Anyway, just a thought. If you need an outsider's ear to bend, feel free to twist mine. I hope things perk up for you. And if not, I wish you the best in what you're going through.

 

[Xervello]

I understand completely. Unforunately many others do not and might take it the wrong way. It is avoidance-style coping, where to avoid any chance of rejection you reject others first. I experience the exact same thing.
I wish you the best of luck and a better future for the new year.

Oops, FoB, I completely missed your post. I agree. Not saying that that is exactly what you're going through, Jane, but some of it does ring true. If you haven't already, perhaps check out the Avoidant Personality section. See if some of the posts sound relatable at all. The b*tch of it is, even if you know what the cause is, it doesn't mean that the problem magically fixes itself. If only life worked like the third act in movies, eh. Anyway, people are here for you if you need them. Perhaps in ways your non-SAD friends can't be or could.

 

[Nanita]

Yeah yeah there is a common expectation that this is the time to attend parties and be with family and such. I was with family on christmas eve. Now I´m alone. Will also be alone on New Years eve. Oh well, typical; I feel sad and empty because I don´t have the luxury of being with friends since I have almost none. But if I had an offer to go somewhere, I might turn it down. Because the thing is that even though I want to be with people - being with people usually isn´t gonna fix anything and I´d still be lonely, sad, feel emptiness.

 

[JohnDee]

Sounds a lot like depression, I know the feeling.
I fight it by thinking that I do not have much to lose, put everything in a scale between loss & gain. If there is more gain, go for it.

At the place you are I'm sure there is more to gain though.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I understand completely. Unforunately many others do not and might take it the wrong way. It is avoidance-style coping, where to avoid any chance of rejection you reject others first. I experience the exact same thing.

Bingo! I do the exact same thing as well. And yes, it makes no sense and has cost me friendships/relationships. I reeeaaallly need to learn how to stop doing it! Hopefully the OP can learn as well since it sounds like she's found someone who cares a lot for her.

I know it's hard, but if we never try and change then we are going to be doomed to repeat the same cycles in life until we get old one day and look back and realize it's too late and regret not taking action. The only time we truly fail in life is when we stop trying.

So very true! One of life's biggest challenges (at least for me).

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

You're afraid that he'll reject you eventually that's why you're pushing him away.