Life is what you make of it - agree or disagree

[KiaKaha]

That's okay though, we are all different.

Indeed. And I need to remember this sometimes...but at least I have the humility to admit this.

I cant help but feel strongly opposed to the thought that - life is what you make of it (not entirely - to a certain extent yes) . - I just dont see it.... and I dont believe it... its not how my mind works. I will be the first to admit that I do not possess the adequate skill to articulate and debate the reasons why because I get too scatterbrained. I think....there is a lot of confirmation bias in this thread which is why we dont agree (myself included). There is an underlying sentiment of personal beliefs that dictate how people are responding (I think...not sure on this)

I just think two things - one everyone deserves equal opportunities and a basic standard of living that some are denied based on factors that are outside of ones control.... usually in the hands of someone else, and these people need someone to speak for them - A hand up on their behalf - not a hand out (Its a shame a lot of people cant differentiate between the two).

And two - In some cases, no matter how hard one may try they cannot improve their situation - sure, adversity makes one stronger - but it can also break you if that adversity is strong enough and you do not possess the ability or the support to get yourself through it. I know this one is very difficult to understand... but until it happens to you... you probably wont. (and lets face it until I get my arm amputated I guess I will never know what it feels like to not have an arm)

I have come to a personal realization I dont think I understand analogies particularly well... more of a hands on guy I think.

Anyway - lets just agree, with respect...to diagree. No harm done.

 

[irish_bob]

When is it time to stop blaming your past experiences for your shortcomings now? Do we just continue to blame everyone else for how we are now, hold resentments for what was done in the past, and continue to let the people that hurt us and let the past continue to have power over us? Will that be the excuse we use our whole lives for not doing what we want?

My take is that the past is over. Quit blaming it and other people for all the problems of the world and concentrate on TODAY and RIGHT NOW to change the things about yourself that you do not like. People CHOOSE to blame others and past experiences for not being able to fulfill their potential. They let the past cripple them and see a blurry fear-filled future through the lens of the past while pissing on the only moment that truly matters which is right NOW this moment.....

your victim blaming and i dont blame everyone for what happened to me , in actual fact i only blame one person , this individual ruined my chances of making a break from my tragic home life and boy is it tragic , you couldnt possibley imagine , no matter what i do now to try and move on , i end up hurting someone , pain and guilt is unavoidable no matter which way i turn , so lets dispense with this myth that everyones ****ty situation is equal in how much it sucks

 

[Lea]

If other people must be involved, lets turn it into; Life is what you let other people make of it.

Again: until it happens to you that you find yourself in a situation where you have no choice. I agree that in many occasions you do have the chance to leave despotic people and go somewhere else. In others it´s not so easy or not possible at all. And even if you do manage to leave, where do you go?? Unless you have a large sum of money to afford to live independently, the chances are that you end up having to live with some difficult or annoying people again.

Here is some extreme case. I wonder what you would do in a place of the victims? What choice did they have?

Fritzl case - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[sullyS25]

your victim blaming and i dont blame everyone for what happened to me , in actual fact i only blame one person , this individual ruined my chances of making a break from my tragic home life and boy is it tragic , you couldnt possibley imagine , no matter what i do now to try and move on , i end up hurting someone , pain and guilt is unavoidable no matter which way i turn , so lets dispense with this myth that everyones ****ty situation is equal in how much it sucks

I am not victim blaming, I am not blaming at all. What I am doing is saying that the only person you have control over is yourself and you choose to give this person power over you. You are living in the past, it is over. I am sure it was very bad and I am very sorry for whatever happened but it can't be changed now. What you can do is forgive and forget....or let this one person continue to have a strangle hold over you and your actions without them even knowing it. They certainly are renting a lot of space in your head for free that is for sure.

You probably have had more suffering than me, I am not disputing that. What I can guarantee though is that there are people that have struggled much more than you and they have moved on because they choose not to play the role of the helpless victim. They accepted their circumstances and continued living their lives. I am not disputing that this is a difficult thing to do but it beats playing the helpless victim and never doing anything to change your situation. Change is difficult, you can't waive a wand and make everything peachy. Today I choose to look within to solve my inner conflicts instead of projecting them onto other people and acting like I am helpless and hopeless.....You choose the latter.

 

[kilojoule]

Some people do well in life because they had a good upbringing and have good confidence and esteem. Some people do well in life because they had a not-so-good upbringing and they're driven as a result.

As the OP said it's probably not as black and white as "life is what you make of it"

but if you don't make anything of it, it won't be anything.

 

[twiggle]

but if you don't make anything of it, it won't be anything.

Great way of putting it

 

[sullyS25]

Some people do well in life because they had a good upbringing and have good confidence and esteem. Some people do well in life because they had a not-so-good upbringing and they're driven as a result.

As the OP said it's probably not as black and white as "life is what you make of it"

but if you don't make anything of it, it won't be anything.

I agree completely...That truly is a brilliant way to put it!

 

[A86]

Some people do well in life because they had a good upbringing and have good confidence and esteem. Some people do well in life because they had a not-so-good upbringing and they're driven as a result.

As the OP said it's probably not as black and white as "life is what you make of it"

but if you don't make anything of it, it won't be anything.

That sums it up. You cant win the lotto if you never buy a ticket.

 

[Littlewilly]

I agree or disagree it all depends if you can or you can't.

 

[Aletheia]

through the cracks

a homeless person may not have access to the basic necessities (shower, clean clothes) that would enable him to find work and thus accommodation (and a shower and clean clothes)

 

[Richey]

Originally Posted by Richey
I don't think its as simple as life is what you make it of it, its a bit more complex then that. I can tell you that good inhereted genes, luck, environment growing up, family, your personality, direction, interests, all this can help a damn lot. People DO have massive advantages over other people, that cannot be denied. Something i've concluded through observations over the years. Belief helps.

Life is inherently unfair and some people will pick the short sticks, while others are blessed with the longer ones. There's never a balance. It something I have trouble coming to terms with, even though that's the state of the world.

Your environment growing up, what your parents are like, influences at high school and how successful that goes. The career you choose and whether that works out or not. The suburb you live in, is it a happy bright or gloomy place to live, Your experiences. Your genes and pros v cons. Lots of small things effect your life in a big way. Do you have a natural swagger and physical confidence or do you feel more nerdy and awkward.

Ya know, there are lots of complex things that effect peoples lives.

I think CBT and some sort of consistant interests and forcing ones self into social situations can certainly help mend those environmental and inherited issues.

Imagine if you looked like Johnny Depp or someone else that is really admired. Imagine how different your life would be and that is only due to appearance and that unique demena.

So people have 100s of levels of advantages and disadvantages going on every day. Some people have lots of full strength bars in alot of areas whilst others half half filled bars of strengths and weaknesses.

It simply is not fair for many people out there that life doesn't work out as well as it should and does for other people due to those reasons above.

Its all a lottery.

However on a positive spin it is possible to find the right living environment and world to suits ones personality and it is common that people simply are unhappy because their current environment is misfiring and just not working at all for them. That's when the alarm bells start ringing but people tend to feel bogged.

I think that good quality therapy can really help though and i mean good quality.

 

[Richey]

I agree that thinking negatively all the time is going to get you nowhere in life. If you wallow in self pity and keep blaming others for your SA, then the only person you are truly hurting is yourself. That being said, dismissing someones emotional trauma is a bit callous. That's the thing with emotional trauma, it can be dismissed so easily. If someone became physically disabled in a car crash, you would of course be more understanding to their situation. With SA though, it's a case of looking healthy on the outside and being emotionally damaged on the inside. Some will be able to recover quickly from their emotional wounds, while others will take a lot longer.

I personally believe that the wallowing is due to a persons living environment and the feeling that life is either going well or isn't going well. There is probably a great method of conceptualising dealing with this but i think many people just see things for what they are and then focus way too much energy on the past and on the future and there really isn't much focussing on the right now. It has alot to do with the conditioning of people in our culture, you are taught to feel guilty or worried about everything and that the stakes are high. I think there should be a balance of fun and humour and if people don't have much of that in their lives then that means that the negative mind set becomes the only form of thinking

A good way of changing this is to find a life, place to live and interests that make you feel relaxed, happy with humour as well. That is the key.

 

[Illusions]

OK, I realize a question like that will not have a black and white answer to it.... but what do you think? Do you think a persons position in life is a direct result of their own actions, or do you think that there are factors beyond anyones control that can shape how a persons life is...

Most likely its a bit of both. Naturally nothing will come of your life if you dont do anything with it... nor if you refuse to play by the rules.

Does anyone think that factors like, charisma, appearance, prejudice, discrimination, social class, cultural background, personal aptitude, talent and luck shape and determine (to a certain degree) just how fair things will be for someones life...?

I have seen first hand just how incredibly quickly people can fall given the right circumstances and series of events... through no fault of their own. It really is quite remarkable.

Opinions?

I say both. But ultimately no matter what situation you're in, it's up to you to change it for the better.