lack of any intimacy

[lifesnotfair]

I have been really bothered recently the fact that i have never been intimate with a woman or anyone for that matter. The question is, how does that affect people that never been able to communicate or interact with women, let alone be intimate with them? how does that affect their lives? Does it make them a loser? make them a creep? I have missed chances because of problems in my past and now i really regret it, and its really taking a toll on me emotionally. I am nearly 37 and not so much as a kiss from a girl. There is no counsellors that deal with this sort of issue, and going to a psychiatrist is expensive. Any suggestions? Any way that I can feel any sort of hope for the future?

 

[LoyalXenite]

you could always go to a paid service to deal with it if you feel like you need to lose your virginity. Otherwise have you tried things like tinder?

 

[lifesnotfair]

you could always go to a paid service to deal with it if you feel like you need to lose your virginity. Otherwise have you tried things like tinder?

Tried Tinder, POF, etc.. for every 200 i like, i get a spam person liking me back lol. I am also dirt poor, so prostitution is out of the question too..

 

[lifesnotfair]

why do you need sex so much lifesnotfair? like can't you do it yourself? lol edit- sorry perhaps I'm not understanding you very well

Its not about sex per say, its about my ability to find someone. I missed out on so much because of being ill for so long, not to mention the fact that I can't seem to attract anyone because of that fact. If i don't meet someone soon it will be too late for me.

 

[lifesnotfair]

Not to mention you can only go so long with releasing that tension by yourself, before it becomes ineffective.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I have been really bothered recently the fact that i have never been intimate with a woman or anyone for that matter. The question is, how does that affect people that never been able to communicate or interact with women, let alone be intimate with them? how does that affect their lives? Does it make them a loser? make them a creep? I have missed chances because of problems in my past and now i really regret it, and its really taking a toll on me emotionally. I am nearly 37 and not so much as a kiss from a girl. There is no counsellors that deal with this sort of issue, and going to a psychiatrist is expensive. Any suggestions? Any way that I can feel any sort of hope for the future?

There are a lot of different kinds of women out there. I think if you stay focused on females who are shy and introverted your odds of meeting one that has the same issues as far as being a late start with intimacy, your odds are better there.
You could, as Loyal suggested meet with a professional female who deals with men and intimacy and sexually. There would be zero shame from them and you could learn a lot that way.
I worked for some German people once who owned a nursery in Alaska and they bragged they bought a hooker for their son for his 17th. At first I was kinda shocked but now it seems ok bc the kid probably loved it and felt like he could get a girlfriend easy from the experience they gave him. They thought he needed a boost apparently bc he was shy. What parents give their kids a hooker IDK LOL

 

[lifesnotfair]

There are a lot of different kinds of women out there. I think if you stay focused on females who are shy and introverted your odds of meeting one that has the same issues as far as being a late start with intimacy, your odds are better there.
You could, as Loyal suggested meet with a professional female who deals with men and intimacy and sexually. There would be zero shame from them and you could learn a lot that way.
I worked for some German people once who owned a nursery in Alaska and they bragged they bought a hooker for their son for his 17th. At first I was kinda shocked but now it seems ok bc the kid probably loved it and felt like he could get a girlfriend easy from the experience they gave him. They thought he needed a boost apparently bc he was shy. What parents give their kids a hooker IDK LOL

Where I live there are NO such people are professionals that help with dating or relationships, or they cost A LOT. I have no options. Online dating I have had ZERO luck in, and its only getting worse every year. It has NEVER come easy for me to socialize with people, let alone women. You would think after 20 years I would have some luck there. Now its just coming off as desperate because I'm worried that it will never happen.

 

[Bronson99]

I would say men are screwed these days. I don't want to get too deeply into it so I'm not going to use very specific language here. A lot of you folks are bright enough, you should be able to see what I mean given the subject of this thread. The basic problem is this: on one side there are endless options, on the other side you have "almost no options." This is an extremely polarizing situation. Escorts are not the "option" most guys are looking for, or at least not myself, anyway.

There are a lot of factors here and it's not literally THAT cut-and-dry, but I'm simplifying for brevity's sake, and in a broad sense, what I say is true.

So, taking it further, take the side that has "almost no options" and then add in things like social anxiety, mild autism, being a virgin past 30, etc.

Can anyone tell me, would anyone on the other side be interested in someone like that?

Does anyone have sympathy for what men--esp. the less socially adept--are going through? I'm aware what I'm talking about is a first-world-issue, but that said, it is nonetheless a huge issue on the INDIVIDUAL level. To not get your needs met for years, decades on end is not healthy and this is going to keep eroding the mental health of society at large. It's a LOT of men who have social problems, or other issues that act like reverse-catnip for the other side. And they're all basically told "you don't matter" even if no one says that outright.

 

[MollyBeGood]

If this is as important to you as you say it is then you need to make major changes to get this to happen. You have to go where the women are and if that means moving that is what you have to be willing to do. Do you live in a small town then? I know that your odds would over night change completely for a relationship if you relocated to a city. Otherwise be prepared to invest some money in bringing someone to you what ever that may mean for you. You sound like you really need to make major changes though to me as far as your commitment level goes or you should just let it go. Relationships and intimacy are totally worth it when it’s right but it’s usually wrong and not for the faint of heart. Lifeisn’tfair Yep!

 

[Sacrament]

If you act confidently enough and work on your charisma, you'll have decent chances to chat up random girls (at stores, at a museum, and so on). If you sound or look too desperate, girls will not be attracted to you. Everyone wants to find someone, but even in finding companionship, fortune favors the bold.

 

[MollyBeGood]

@Bronson99
Are you in the same boat as far as no gf ever? Is there an autism dating website? there’s got to be a way to meet a partner with similar issues.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I agree with Lily virgins are not a thing. So much of that is in ones brain made up about how important sexual experience is. No one really cares. When your with someone if your awkward you will always be until you get some experience so you have to get over the hump or you many never hump lol sorry trying to add some humor of course I also know it’s not all about sex! Just holding someone close that you feel for can be the best feeling in the world.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Yes everyone has their first time but just try not to hurt me (lol) like get some knowledge before you try anything! (lol) it's nice when you both have had your first better than being with a hooker

Yeah just go real slow and easy and play some mellow jazz and serve up some nice mixed drinks
Lol @ Lily

 

[lifesnotfair]

I wish i could just give up on it all, but my mind tells me two different things, one its not worth it, and it fights with the thoughts about loneliness and wanting to be with someone.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I wish i could just give up on it all, but my mind tells me two different things, one its not worth it, and it fights with the thoughts about loneliness and wanting to be with someone.

Maybe you should focus on making some real friendships with people. That and joining groups, volunteering and adopting a dog or cat can bring so much joy into your life. Maybe that is your path. I know for me I’d be absolutely a wreck without my pets.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I know for me I’d be absolutely a wreck without my pets.

100%! My dogs are the only reason I get out of bed each day (that and Im usually busting to pee )

 

[Kiwong]

I value company, good conversation, my pyschologist tried to convince me to pursue intimate relationships. Progressing to being able to enjoy company of others has been a huge step. I don't know about the next step to intimacy, usually unrequited in my long experience.

 

[Bronson99]

@Bronson99
Are you in the same boat as far as no gf ever? Is there an autism dating website? there’s got to be a way to meet a partner with similar issues.

Yes, I am in the same boat.

Now, I don't want to be dismissive of your suggestion, but I'm not sure you grasp what I said in the earlier post. I think that's because, understandably, you lack the experience of being guy in today's world. You did show some awareness in *another post*, you said "men are screwed." And I'm saying "yes we are" but it's even worse than you think.

When I said one side has "endless options," and the other side has "very few", I mean it as gospel. It should be taken as gospel. The word of the Truth. Now, in this context, that means online. And that means all sites. You know how it goes, 4:1 gender ratio, as bad as 10:1 in some places--and that's only the beginning of the problem. Because a man who does not compete in society will not get interest. Those men who compete in society, will have a chance to get interest. This goes everywhere, all sites, it's universal. (Of course, due to my combination of issues, I'm not able to compete.)

To be fair, I'm not sure--due to lack of experience--about real-world interaction. A lot of folks say it's "far easier" while others say "it's the same, while the risk for embarrassment/shame is far worse."

Again I ask, does anyone have a full understanding of how screwed "less socially able" men are? Anyone? Ya'll disappoint me so far. I'm not convinced anyone gets it, other than the men going through it.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Yes, I am in the same boat.

Now, I don't want to be dismissive of your suggestion, but I'm not sure you grasp what I said in the earlier post. I think that's because, understandably, you lack the experience of being guy in today's world. You did show some awareness in *another post*, you said "men are screwed." And I'm saying "yes we are" but it's even worse than you think.

When I said one side has "endless options," and the other side has "very few", I mean it as gospel. It should be taken as gospel. The word of the Truth. Now, in this context, that means online. And that means all sites. You know how it goes, 4:1 gender ratio, as bad as 10:1 in some places--and that's only the beginning of the problem. Because a man who does not compete in society will not get interest. Those men who compete in society, will have a chance to get interest. This goes everywhere, all sites, it's universal. (Of course, due to my combination of issues, I'm not able to compete.)

To be fair, I'm not sure--due to lack of experience--about real-world interaction. A lot of folks say it's "far easier" while others say "it's the same, while the risk for embarrassment/shame is far worse."

Again I ask, does anyone have a full understanding of how screwed "less socially able" men are? Anyone? Ya'll disappoint me so far. I'm not convinced anyone gets it, other than the men going through it.

Well do you want advice from women on how to meet women or do you want to continue to feed your defeatist attitude? Sounds like your mind is made up. I definitely sense you have all but completely thrown in the towel.
The choice is yours, keep trying with a better attitude or don’t bother anymore. Makes zero difference to me. But I don’t mind giving out advice if you want any but like I said your mind is pretty much made up it’s hopeless. Lily here for example is talking to you too. Two women trying to help you out. Not sure what else you want.

 

[Sacrament]

I think he just wants people to tell him that he's right.