L M A O Joke thread!

[Sidekix]

We are all here because we feel bad at times, this is the thread to come visit in order to change that, at least we hope so.

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his ****in' ass."

Wasn’t that funny? Now post your own.

 

[flakeybark]

A horse goes to the store in hopes of buying a magazine. He goes to the cashier and the cashier says that he can't buy the magazine because he is a horse. So the horse nails him in the ****ing face with his hind legs and gallops away in the sunset with his magazine. The End.

 

[Kat]

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

 

[philly2bits]

You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish...

Thats all I have ::

 

[iamthenra]

There's a bear and a rabbit taking a crap in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks: "Pardon me, but do you have problems with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies: "No, I do not have a problem with crap sticking to my fur." So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his @ss with him...

 

[Kat]

Lol, those are some funny ones, I will try to find some more.

 

[Sidekix]

A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show. The first guy walks in and the boss says, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?" And the guy says, "Well ****! You got no ears man!" So the boss yells "Get the **** out!". So the next guy comes in and the boss says to him, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is something you notice about me?" And the guy says, "That's easy. You got no ears!" So the boss says, to him, "Get the **** out!" As the second guy leaves he sees the third guy about to go in and says to him, "The boss has no ears so don't say anything about them, he is really sensitive about it." So the guy goes in and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one that you notice about me?" So the guy says, "Your wearing contacts!" And the boss says, "Yeah, how did you know?" So the guy replies, "Well ****, you can't wear glasses cause you ain't got no ears."

 

[Banvard]

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a computer was whirring, not even a mouse; The sockets were unplugged by the chimney for repair, in hopes that St. Nicholas would soon repair; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of World of Warcraft they did play in their heads...