kinda weird life

[tyrellwilliams]

so yea im new to this forum is heres where my problem is, im 19 i was fat as hell up until i was 17 then i went from fat to havin like the fittest body in my whole school outta nowhere from playin ALOT of basketball and ive also been 6'2 since about 14 , now heres where it gets weird, ive always been really shy, and with females, i could never get even just ONE. so after i lost all my weight i start to notice my life has totally changed COMPLETELY, people look at me more as a leader now, not to sound cocky but now it seems like every chicks likes me, everybody thinks im like one the coolest dudes ever, and also ive always smoked weed and drank by myself but people look at me as with that bad boy type of image and i make music. now the craziest part about it is even tho im looked up to by males and females want me now, I AM STILL SHY AS **** lol, but it doesnt keep girls from always wantin me, ive never even had the balls to approach a chick n start convo, im the one always gettin approached. this always makes life seem weird cuz i never know how to handle certain situations, at parties i cant dance for nuthin lol, but they still think im da smoothest dude ever, i hate feelin awkward all the time but people always think im confident as hell. has anyone ever gone thru this or does anyone have tips so i can TRULY be confident thru MY EYES. i think im still like this maybe becuaseive actually witnessed how superficial people really are, as soon as my looks changed dramtically, i went from havin NO CHICKS to bein not able to avoid them and i dont even talk

 

[Silvox Black]

so yea im new to this forum is heres where my problem is, im 19 i was fat as hell up until i was 17 then i went from fat to havin like the fittest body in my whole school outta nowhere from playin ALOT of basketball and ive also been 6'2 since about 14 , now heres where it gets weird, ive always been really shy, and with females, i could never get even just ONE. so after i lost all my weight i start to notice my life has totally changed COMPLETELY, people look at me more as a leader now, not to sound cocky but now it seems like every chicks likes me, everybody thinks im like one the coolest dudes ever, and also ive always smoked weed and drank by myself but people look at me as with that bad boy type of image and i make music. now the craziest part about it is even tho im looked up to by males and females want me now, I AM STILL SHY AS **** lol, but it doesnt keep girls from always wantin me, ive never even had the balls to approach a chick n start convo, im the one always gettin approached. this always makes life seem weird cuz i never know how to handle certain situations, at parties i cant dance for nuthin lol, but they still think im da smoothest dude ever, i hate feelin awkward all the time but people always think im confident as hell. has anyone ever gone thru this or does anyone have tips so i can TRULY be confident thru MY EYES. i think im still like this maybe becuaseive actually witnessed how superficial people really are, as soon as my looks changed dramtically, i went from havin NO CHICKS to bein not able to avoid them and i dont even talk

It is good that you have realized how superficial such people are. It will help you better understand that they reason they like you is because of how you look, not because of who you are. You must remember that, always. If you ever happen to find someone who truly cares about you for your personality and your ideas, that is someone who is a true companion.

Now as for your shyness, to determine it's cause, I must ask if you remember any important events from your childhood. Do you remember how most of your time as a child was spent? If so, please do kindly tell me, if you want to that is.

 

[tyrellwilliams]

yea, bein a kid i was fat, stayed quiet and just played video games so i was just always bein made fun of so i would always have physical fights constantly from me gettin angry, i started to get used to this and i actually started to become alot more talkative until i lost all that weight then i just went back to bein really quiet again, but now people never make fun of me for ANYTHING even if i do or say the stupidest things, its like ive entered into an all out "sex-dimension" once i lost that weight

 

[Silvox Black]

yea, bein a kid i was fat, stayed quiet and just played video games so i was just always bein made fun of so i would always have physical fights constantly from me gettin angry

Well then, one possibility for why you would lack the social skills for school at this moment would be because you were never used to social interaction. You always felt that people would consider you an outcast, someone they did not wish to speak to. Then suddenly everything changes merely because you look more fit. Your body may have changed, but your social skills from when you were younger and did not wish to talk to people, have not. My apologies if I am incorrect in any of this, I am simply trying to deduce some cause of your social apprehension.

 

[tyrellwilliams]

yea, i think ur right but the thing is, it fees like i can never build social skills now cuz in the back of my mind ill always wonder how i would be treated if i was still fat. which was constantly like a piece of shit

 

[Richey]

after reading that i don't know what to think. perhaps its also due to your environment and the people that are around you and perhaps an element of luck and your own self will that has been thrown in a blender and worked out for the better in your favour. all i can say is that you have an opportunity to work on your shyness and become more outgoing and the rest is sort of already in its right place if you keep up the momentum. making music and being the envy of others i imagine would feel like being high.

if you want to build upon your conversational skills then perhaps read more books then you usually would and practice your speech and tone of voice in the car, find friends to challenge your self consciousness so that you can practice on them. watch films. it'll take some energy to develop and dont be afraid to fail, failure is a fairly subjective topic either way. its a result that you didnt expect but does it make it wrong? does an awkward comment mean you were wrong, no? its a learning curve.

i've always wondered why some people have varying degrees of success and self belief and others have very limited and yet on the surface those people are sort of similar to each other. you know..how they each wake up and eat breakfast have a shower, have thoughts, see and smell the world like any other person would. so why do some shy people live great lives and some outgoing people have a difficult time and visa versa.
is it the influence of family or a mentor in their lives that awakened them to become stronger people. could it be the chemistry of having 1-2-3-4 brothers or sisters of different personalities is it the suburb they live in, the attitude of people around them. is there a secret that needs to be taught to some extent..

 

[Silvox Black]

yea, i think ur right but the thing is, it fees like i can never build social skills now cuz in the back of my mind ill always wonder how i would be treated if i was still fat. which was constantly like a piece of shit

Herein lies the key to gaining freedom from such thoughts, you should try to find friends who will like you for who you are. Find people who can appreciate your talents and skills, acknowledge your weakness but still like you in spite of them, and truly care about you for who you are and how you've become more intelligent. Find close true friends such as that, and your appearance will no longer be an issue to them. If anything, I believe there are quite a few good people on this very forum who you could speak to about making new, intelligent friends.

 

[tyrellwilliams]

thats another weird thing too, i actaully live in a "hood" city and im black but im not "hood" at all but even the "hoodest dude" and thugs respect me, this makes my life kinda funny, they look at me as a actaul "hood" dude lol

 

[PunkRotten]

This doesnt sound like social phobia to me. Many people here have worse problems than you. You may wanna find a shyness forum where they can offer advice to you on how to "pick up" chicks.

 

[tyrellwilliams]

Herein lies the key to gaining freedom from such thoughts, you should try to find friends who will like you for who you are. Find people who can appreciate your talents and skills, acknowledge your weakness but still like you in spite of them, and truly care about you for who you are and how you've become more intelligent. Find close true friends such as that, and your appearance will no longer be an issue to them. If anything, I believe there are quite a few good people on this very forum who you could speak to about making new, intelligent friends.

yea this is true, but its kinda like im not worried about friends lol, its actaully dat i wanna be able to really be able to talk to females without feelin awkward, but ur advice is true cuz it relates back to them superficial people i was mentioning

 

[tyrellwilliams]

This doesnt sound like social phobia to me. Many people here have worse problems than you. You may wanna find a shyness forum where they can offer advice to you on how to "pick up" chicks.

nooooo, dont think thats it, ive goneee thru alotttttt, but females is always the thing that keeps me goin wit life, i actually went thru dyin this summer and i think if it wasnt for this one chick i had a crush on, i wouldda been gone, it was my goal of wantin to get wit her so bad that kept me fitin for my life in the hospital, it sounds stupid but it worked lol, i just try to stay postive and have humor on the most depressing issues that i suffer thru as ive learned i can never take life toooooo seriously, thats wen problem build, but i really have no one else to talk to so i just need help on being more outgoin and empathetic really, once i took an ECSTASY pill and this CHANGED my life, it turned me to a very outgoin, the effects are nothin like how ive always heard about, there was no depression after this like how people always say, probaly becuase i took it alone and meditated on it but it made me a very outgoin person for quite some time, i say about 6 months up until i ran into some trouble with the law bein sent to jail three times in two weeks outta nowhere for the stupidest things, and also bein harassed and beat up by cops and had the court do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about this even though i was scarred up everywhere and just overall traumatized, after all these events i just stopped trustin people again and went back to bein shy

i wanna just take the easy way and pop an ecstasy pill because the antidepressants they give me are pure garbage but it gets A HORRIBLE REPUTATION due to people who just take it to party and feel good, wen i took it, it was like I FELT AN INTENSE LOVE FOR MY LIFE and that stayed with me but after bein thru hell this past summer i went right back to bein shy and untrusting of people

 

[gio289]

I think u prolly need a confidence booster g. Have u been to a therapist yet? Iz good to get all those things out in real life too, especially if u dont have anyone to talk to. You have any real friends that would listen to u?

 

[EgoZero]

I hate you

 

[Silvox Black]

That's not very fair at all. How do you know that these people only like him for his looks? How do you know that they don't like him because he really does have something to offer other than his looks alone? Being shy isn't necessarily something that is going to be a turn-off to people. Maybe he's really a nice guy and people appreciate and look up to that. My husband is a really nice person and he has had many other guys look up to him and look to him for advice. The majority of people would adore Paris Hilton if they only cared about looks. It's quite the opposite, people detest her.

[/QUOTE]

I say that the people he knows like him only for his looks because that is how the majority of such high school or educational societies function. He even said so himself that when he was younger and not as fit as he is now, people did not even bother to go near him. Now I am not denying the presence of good, intelligent people there. I am simply saying that there are more people who will not truly care about him and will only attempt to use him than there are good people who will honestly be a friend to him.