Just need to vent VERY SAD tonight

[cowboyup]

**fore-warning, if you are feeling a bit down, do not read any further**

**also, I know we all have our ups and downs...and my little rant here is nothing compared to what others have or are going through...but this is the first time in my 42 years on earth that this has happened and I don't knwo what to do with all these emotions I am feeling**


Honestly, everyone, I feel like SH*T tonight and have been crying and crying...so here's the scoop. And by the way, you don't need to respond, I just need to vent, get this off my chest, however, suggestions are welcome.
And you have my permission to cuss me out for being a dumba**.

So....my sister in law just got laid off work (she works for school district) and is pregnant with her second child.

She just had a baby shower this past Saturday and since I live with them (or for whatever crazy ass reason) I did the following to help them out in addition to watching my 3 year old nephew: Painted the bathroom, hung pictures, dusted, vacuumed, cleaned back yard, steamed the floors, did both mine and nephew's laundry, cleaned the appliances, cleaned the cabinets and made about 75 cupcakes for the shower. Yup, they are lucky to have me.

And guy trouble: I sure wish someone would have told me this 'caring for other people' feeling really sucks. I've been crying for about an hour now because he keeps texting me things like : "oh I don't feel like eating, I feel sad, lonely, depressed, and all I want to do is sleep"

** the reason I said I wish someone would have told me how this works is because, and to make it brief, my parents never allowed us to show emotion of any kind, nor to have friends, nor to go out on dates, etc....screwed up family but another story....

Well, being the person I am (giving to others, caring for others, very empathetic), I went to his house and gave him a hug and told him it'll get better as time goes by (I know I am such a fool for doing that) then he tells me the 'details' of this other girl. like he told me: I was in love with her, I commissioned someone to write a poem about her, took her aside, told her how I felt about her, that I was deeply in love and then she rejected me....then I saw her at First Friday (an event in town) and she was kissing the other guy....blah blah blah....Then he keeps texting me things like: hope your day is going ok, as for me, I am just taking it one step at a time, I have my ups and downs....

I sure as hell do NOT want to hear that. I was the only person out of all his lame ass friends who went to his house, took him food, sat thru 2 movies he rented and just tried to 'be there for him as a friend'....I told him how I felt about him - not specifically - but dropped enough hints to let him know I really cared for him, then just about an hour ago, I got yet another text from him saying, "Wish me luck"....
By that he meant he's gonna pour his heart out to that girl one last ditch effort time .... and you know what, I hope like hell she still rejects him! Sorry if that sounds rude, but it's how I feel right now. I hope he gets his heart stomped on and then some! the bastard.
I should have never opened up my heart to anyone, I know better than that, but I did....lesson learned.

I just never knew how terribly sad and awful it would feel.
And yes, I am in my 40s and never been in love with anyone til ..... is this love? and if it is, I don't want any part of it. I can be friends with people, I help my family out to the ends of earth, but loving another person and feeling like a complete a**hole...no thanks!

I feel like a complete fool. I let my heart and emotions show and now I am paying the price.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

That's the gamble you take when you open your heart up to someone cowboyup. Sometimes, they don't feel the same way and sometimes they smash your heart to pieces. God knows I've had that happen to me enough times. I wish there was something I could do to comfort you, but all I can tell you is to take a break from dating and do what makes you happy. Let this event pass over you then enter when you're happy.

Your emotions are not a bad thing. Cry. Let them out. Don't bottle them up or else they'll find another way out. Sometimes, not in the way you expected (or wished). I've done it for years, now my pain and sadness is automatically converted to anger and fury to the point that..... well, I'd rather not think about it. Just cry until you're all done then get up and make yourself happy.

If you want to vent more, well, I'm always on here and I'll (attempt to) help you out anyway I can.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm sorry cowboyup, it sucks when you can't help being caring even if you're burning inside. I know the feeling. Maybe it can help to stay away from this guy for a while? I agree with Deadman though, its a gamble you've to take. But he's not the only guy for you, I'm sure there'll be someone who will feel the same way as you.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I wrote a long reply but I'm not sure if it really makes much sense, so I deleted it.
There's not much to say at this point, I suppose... not much you already know or have already thought of.

Sounds like you need to de-stress, perhaps?
That could be an okay start.

 

[cowboyup]

Thanks everyone, for your kind words/suggestions.
I really appreciate it.

Yup....de-stress for me. Perhaps with all that's going on regarding new baby, sis in law getting laid off, then the "boy" thing....I just reached a limit of sorts.

**HUGS** to all

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

You're not a fool, cowboyup. You clearly have feelings for this guy that go beyond just friendship, while he seems to view you as just a friend. He actually seems oblivious to how you feel. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Maybe if he did know, he'd feel differently towards you? I don't know. But you have to think about whether the friendship can continue with you feeling the way you do. Are you going to be putting yourself through this emotional turmoil every time he falls for some woman? That's going to take its toll on you eventually. ::