Just me or a general problem amongst us

[Confuseddd]

Hi hope everyones doing good!

I had a topic I wanted to discuss because im uncertain as to if this is only me or if it is a general problem amongst us.

Well I've been noticing more and more that I am not happy and on edge and anxious when other people im talking with seem upset or agitated.
I get nervous if other people are not happy.
Im not sure if my brain associates other peoples unhappyiness with me or not. All I really know as of right now is that it doesn't matter if they are acting upset towards me or not , but if they sound upset and I am not sure why it affects me.
For example - Today my friend calls me after I text him to go out and grab some breakfast.
Its early in the morning so he sounds really tired and he seems irritated but not towards me at all, this was all just in his tone of voice. Well I ended up feeling slightly on edge.

Does any one have this sort of occurence happen to them , and can any one provide some insight?
thanks

 

[MollyBeGood]

That's just like me. I am an emotional sponge-if someone is feeling a certain way around me I completely pick up on it and take it in me even personally if it's not ment to be...it's a curse. I consider it an empathic curse.
I want to make them feel better. Even if I don't know them. It's exhausting and probably why being around people is so tiring like many of you mention feeling tired after trying to be social.

 

[Feathers]

I've written a lengthy reply and it got erased, grr!!

Look up 'empathy', maybe 'empathy shield' (some 'woo woo' things and some common sense stuff, like read or take a walk, or go to another room if needed).. You can also google 'emotions contagious' - there have been some studies made about this (!) and look up 'highly sensitive person' (there's a book or a few about this) and 'hyperacusis'/'sound sensitivity' (you might be sensitive to sound and perceive a situation as worse than experienced by the other person).

Both SA and increased sensitivity can have nutritional or lifestyle or other health-related causes, environmental toxics etc... (eg magnesium deficiency, and/or lack of other vitamins/minerals) also possible causes: past or present trauma/bad experiences (eg being dependent on emotionally unpredictable people) etc.

Also check if the friendship is 'give and take' and mutually supportive.. and what might be a good time for you both to talk... (a friend can be cranky at a certain hour, especially if also tired and hungry, and totally different at another time..)

I have been sensitive to people's emotions too, and voices... It may correlate with nutrition and lifestyle/habits a bit - when I am energetic and happy, it's okay usually, there was usually a problem if I've been cranky/tired/hungry/exhausted from own negative thoughts or such... or if it wasn't mutually supportive or the other person just 'demanded too much'... (and didn't know any boundaries) So learning to create boundaries can help here too.. And taking care of your own wellbeing...

I love caller ID. And a friend agreed that it's better to not pick up the phone if I'm feeling cranky rather than be angry with her If you don't feel up to talking to someone, just have your phone unplugged or on 'silent'? (she actually suggested these options to me as 'preferred'!! )

It can also be good to surround yourself with constructive people and work on healthy nutrition and lifestyle...

Empathy and being sensitive to others are great 'tools' - they can make people better friends, more compassionate and caring citizens, do great things and give better advice etc. For some jobs and for many relationships, these are GREAT!! Some people need more of it!!
The key is: BALANCE!! To take care of yourself and create a comfortable life, to prevent being 'drained' by others... (or yourself) to avoid overwhelm and underwhelm...
Having a good ear can make you a better musician/singer or music lover. Learn languages easily, with the correct accent... It can also bring a lot of JOY to you and people around you..
So, the trick is to see both the good sides and the bad, and work with it to create a happier life...

 

[EscapeArtist]

Yeah, fuse, I know what you're getting at/how you feel
For me at least, a large part of this is that I light up so much around others. I have learned to focus more on the individual and take an interest in them rather than myself, and I also feel like being around others more often after some lifestyle changes (as feathers mentioned). Also, I am sensitized to communication and human connection because I've had so little.. So, I am now usually delighted, for the first... little while upon talking to somebody, and come off as this overwhelmingly happy person, which, for the most part, I am upon first meeting up with people. (Wow... how I have changed over this year is insane....). I tend to see others similarly to myself, so if they are not equally as happy just to be around somebody, those faulty thoughts get the bet of me. (Funny though, becuase a lot of the time I'm not good at showing the happiness in this situation, gettin' better though)

But yes, if somebody is even slightly unhappy, if somebody looks even a bit stressed out or even if they are trying to be happy and there is a part of those stressed thoughts showing through their attitude.. I always attribute it to being my fault. For example, my therapist. She is usually very bubbly and enthusiastic, and then there are days where she looks really tired and really bored of what I'm saying. She always says that it's been a long day, that she is tired, but that negative feeling she expels, I always take the blame for and beat myself up for (mentally).I don't know how to stop this, because I believe this part of my SA has been ingrained in me from a childhood around constantly stressed/depressed/angry parents who blamed and released their feelings onto their children. For example: My mother is constantly stressed, she openly talks to the voice in her head that is stressing her out, a voice that blames her for everything. And when I'm around, she'll reply to that voice to me instead. If I am standing near her, and she has lost her keys, she will yell at me the response to this second voice in her head. Lucky for me, I have realized where these actions are coming from, and I even can tell her that she is treating me like the mother that got stuck in her own head. She can acknowledge it, and laugh about it, so that is a first step.

Do you think maybe this has been reinforced through your childhood?

 

[Minty]

Quite a few people are like that. I think the ability to feel whatever another person in your presence is feeling is the highest form of empathy.

I have very emotional people in my family, so I'm used to it. They usually come to me and ask me for advice because I'm calm and rational. It's one of the few times I feel useful.

However-- if someone is anxious, that's an entirely different story. My mom is an anxious person and it begins to envelop her whenever something is wrong. Even if her brush is missing or the mail is late, she'll become this nervous wreck and I have to tell her to calm down. But I become anxious too. It's contagious.

 

[Marie Lafont]

It's not just you. If someone doesn't sound approachable I feel nervous or 'on edge' too. There was this one guy that looked really happy to meet me, he was all smiles and everything. I was able to talk to him in a normal voice and I didn't feel so nervous.

I think it's just human nature I guess. We feel comfortable around happy people.