Just made a discovery

[recluse]

Today i was visiting my sister with my parents and grandmother. We were talking about stuff from the past and my sister who's 3 years older than me mentioned that she would do all the talking for me when we were kids. For instance say someone asked my my name my sister would answer before i would even get the chance.....Well this has made me think how this has probably had an effect on my personality, maybe if i had been given the chance to talk for myself i would be ok now? I was pretty backwards with conversational skills and perhaps this may be the reason. I mean how can a person learn when someone else does all the work for them?

 

[PunkRotten]

I know what you mean, and you are right. Also, if you were neglected, like your parents never taught you anything, helped you get out and face things, learn adult responsibilities etc, then you will struggle with that as well. I know this is true in my case.

 

[recluse]

Yeah that's another one, my parents never just gave me money to go to buy something in a shop, they always brought it for me. I wish sometimes my parents would have been less protective of me.

 

[PunkRotten]

Well its not too late, but unfortunately, you have to teach yourself now. Its kinda scary, I always want someone with me. Ive always felt alone, and usually when I am alone I panic cause I feel vulnerable. I jsut wish I didnt feel like everyone is against me, like they would laugh or think negative, I wish peopel were more compassionate and understanding and willing to help.

 

[recluse]

Don't get me wrong i have travelled to countries alone and stuff but i'm still clueless about life even at the age of 28. To consider my parents were married at 21 and had their own house and everything.

I was also spoilt quite a lot, anything i asked for i got most of the time. Perhaps if my parents had made me work for them it would have taught me a lesson.

 

[Nicholas]

I am a highly sensitive person (HSP, see my poll in the poll section) with overprotective parents, and that is the cause of all of my problems for sure. Now I feel overwhelmed by everything, I feel like every simple thing I do is already stressful enough and my body can't tolerate all the stessors a normal person normally deals with. Everything can make me anxious, and that is definitely because of my overprotective parents and too many criticizing and intolerant people around me, so it's like I learned that "everything is dangerous, everyone will judge you, come on, let's worry all the time!" I just don't know what to do right now. Mine is a strange situation.

 

[market.garden]

Yeah that's another one, my parents never just gave me money to go to buy something in a shop, they always brought it for me. I wish sometimes my parents would have been less protective of me.

Same here. I was lucky in the sense that I never wanted for anything when I was younger, and that things were bought for me. It's hard to say whether or not these things have had a huge effect, but I'm sure they've played a part.

That being said, my younger brother is the most confident, outgoing person I've ever seen, and he's almost spoiled by my parents.

 

[NormanBates]

I think the cities have a tendency to makes people depressed: The large numbers of unfamiliar people you're subjected to on a daily basis, the daily jousting with other cars every time you go somewhere on the road, how stifling the amount of living space the average person has, kinda no wonder that anxiety is one of society's ills

 

[Richey]

Believe it or not but your conditioning growing up is over 50% attributed to the shaping of your personality that and the environment you become used to, and in most cases i believe parents should acquire a license before even bothering keeping their kids after two years old. if parents want to screw their kids up then teach them self limiting ways and be condescending and strict without teaching them anything of educational value, thats what i'm seeing alot these days and dont get me wrong there are great parents out there but for the most part kids are brought up into a mediocre and dysfunctional family environment which can either be a blessing or a curse.

the only saving grace can be your school life and how that moulds your attitude and knowledge of the world around you, whether you make a decent circle of friends and your transition from that to the world of responsibility and employment then building your own life from that.

its simple things like your sister finishing off sentences and nobody noticing that can mould the way you speak to people. i just dont believe there is enough auditing of young people and trying to help them out because there is no system to help people out of unhelpful habits unless its blindingly obvious but then that also comes down to your role models as well and how people are influencing your habits

there is so much bullshit to deal with, not enough time, we need to make time

 

[PhantomPod]

Yeah, that could definitely be a contributing factor to further support your shy and anxious tendencies.

I actually remember that my parents would make it a point to have me speak up for myself. Like if we were at a restaurant, instead of ordering for me, even when I was younger, they would make me tell the waiter/waitress what I wanted. So I do believe that was good for me that they did that, cause otherwise I just would've went my whole childhood with them speaking up for me, whereas instead they actually forced me to speak up for myself a lot of the times, even though they recognized that I was shy and very socially anxious.

 

[licorice]

Believe it or not but your conditioning growing up is over 50% attributed to the shaping of your personality that and the environment you become used to, and in most cases i believe parents should acquire a license before even bothering keeping their kids after two years old. if parents want to screw their kids up then teach them self limiting ways and be condescending and strict without teaching them anything of educational value, thats what i'm seeing alot these days and dont get me wrong there are great parents out there but for the most part kids are brought up into a mediocre and dysfunctional family environment which can either be a blessing or a curse.

the only saving grace can be your school life and how that moulds your attitude and knowledge of the world around you, whether you make a decent circle of friends and your transition from that to the world of responsibility and employment then building your own life from that.

its simple things like your sister finishing off sentences and nobody noticing that can mould the way you speak to people. i just dont believe there is enough auditing of young people and trying to help them out because there is no system to help people out of unhelpful habits unless its blindingly obvious but then that also comes down to your role models as well and how people are influencing your habits

there is so much bullshit to deal with, not enough time, we need to make time

I cant agree more with this,some people have no clue as to just how much damage they are doing to their children by not allowing them to evolve properly and over protecting them...Good discovery Recluse,it sounds very telling...Its certainly not your fault....