psittacus
Member
Hello people. I'm new here and just wanted to get something of my chest, so to speak. It is very comforting knowing I'm not alone with my SA. You don't have to read the following wall of text, but if you do I will be forever grateful.
About three weeks ago I started at a county college (a nine month-thing we have in Norway). I lived with two other girls in the schools only apartment, and after about 24 hours of dorm life with no privacy and forced socializing, I broke completely down. I had to talk to my aunt, sister and mom on the phone just to calm down, literally crying my eyes out over everything and everyone.
At first I blamed the girls I was living with, even though they hadn't done anything to upset me. I was confused and angry about the situation, and couldn't bear the thought of SA being the reason for all this sh*t. My family was very supportive, and I agreed on talking to the principle the next morning. Either way, I had to make a decision whether to stay or not (personally I wanted to get the hell away from there as soon as possible).
The conversation with the principal went well. Well, at least for a while. I switched rooms and got a new roommate in the main building. She was very nice, and we hit off. I had no reason to be unhappy now, but then why the hell did I have to force the tears away every five minutes the rest of the day? Soon I was just as miserable as I had been the evening before. I had to call my mom from behind two trees in the schoolyard because I was afraid someone would see me, or worse, hear me. As soon as I was sure nobody was listening, I started sobbing uncontrollably like a five-year-old. ''What the hell am I doing here?'' I asked my mom over and over again. We talked for about half an hour, then back and forth for another hour. There was no doubt; This was not the right thing for me at all, and I didn't have to stay there any longer. Even though nothing could be done until the next day, I was just happy to be able to leave in less than 24 hours. I had to sit behind the trees for almost two hours while on the phone before I felt ready to even pass by the others. And that was just to go straight to my room and stay there for the rest of the day. I managed to pull myself together knowing this was my last night here, and when my roommate walked into the room I told her I was leaving in the morning. Naturally she wanted me to stay, but understood (or at least tried to).
The next day my mother and a friend of hers picked me and my things up and drove off, and I haven't looked back since.
It still hurts from time to time thinking about it. I felt like a failure for the first couple of days back home, but soon I found an apartment in my hometowns neighbour city, and I will be moving this friday. I am also looking for a job in the local newspaper besides taking a culture journalism course on the internet. I am doing fine for the first time in while,
and plan on keeping it that way.
About three weeks ago I started at a county college (a nine month-thing we have in Norway). I lived with two other girls in the schools only apartment, and after about 24 hours of dorm life with no privacy and forced socializing, I broke completely down. I had to talk to my aunt, sister and mom on the phone just to calm down, literally crying my eyes out over everything and everyone.
At first I blamed the girls I was living with, even though they hadn't done anything to upset me. I was confused and angry about the situation, and couldn't bear the thought of SA being the reason for all this sh*t. My family was very supportive, and I agreed on talking to the principle the next morning. Either way, I had to make a decision whether to stay or not (personally I wanted to get the hell away from there as soon as possible).
The conversation with the principal went well. Well, at least for a while. I switched rooms and got a new roommate in the main building. She was very nice, and we hit off. I had no reason to be unhappy now, but then why the hell did I have to force the tears away every five minutes the rest of the day? Soon I was just as miserable as I had been the evening before. I had to call my mom from behind two trees in the schoolyard because I was afraid someone would see me, or worse, hear me. As soon as I was sure nobody was listening, I started sobbing uncontrollably like a five-year-old. ''What the hell am I doing here?'' I asked my mom over and over again. We talked for about half an hour, then back and forth for another hour. There was no doubt; This was not the right thing for me at all, and I didn't have to stay there any longer. Even though nothing could be done until the next day, I was just happy to be able to leave in less than 24 hours. I had to sit behind the trees for almost two hours while on the phone before I felt ready to even pass by the others. And that was just to go straight to my room and stay there for the rest of the day. I managed to pull myself together knowing this was my last night here, and when my roommate walked into the room I told her I was leaving in the morning. Naturally she wanted me to stay, but understood (or at least tried to).
The next day my mother and a friend of hers picked me and my things up and drove off, and I haven't looked back since.
It still hurts from time to time thinking about it. I felt like a failure for the first couple of days back home, but soon I found an apartment in my hometowns neighbour city, and I will be moving this friday. I am also looking for a job in the local newspaper besides taking a culture journalism course on the internet. I am doing fine for the first time in while,
and plan on keeping it that way.
