Jelousy

[thor01]

I have to admit, that sometimes I feel really jealous. For example there is one girl in my college course who is really sweet as a person, and who is quite shy, especially compared to the others, I would love to talk to if I found it easier and had the opportunity to, (I don't consider her the "perfect one", or even someone I want so badly as a girlfriend but would love to just make some kind of connection with) but today in one lesson one of the more popular guys was talking to her and she was talking back as well, in a friendly, laughing way, which there is nothing wrong with, but I just couldn't help feeling jealous and bitter. Just the fact that if people like him talk to her and seem interested she might capitalise on that and forget me, who I think would make a better connection than him as a person. Hopefully that won't happen, but I just felt jealous at that moment. Or maybe jelousys the wrong word, maybe just frustrated or sad.

 

[gio289]

wow thats all too familiar. When that happens i ususally forget it in a couple of days (after thinking about it ALOT), and then look someone elses direction. Sooner or later, when I dont hav those same feelings i used too, im more comfortable to go up and talk to her. Only problem is that if she was too show any good signs, i might start to like her a bit too soon.

 

[recluse]

I'm the same, i feel inadequete to outgoing guys who find it easy to talk in a casual manner with girls. When i was in college there was on guy on my course who was the outgoing type and to be honest he was a prick! Anyway the girls all swarmed around him like flies around a turd, not that i think that they fancied him but just the fact that he had this charisma which attracted people whereas i repelled people at college.

Also whenever i have a love interest if i see her talking to another guy i feel really jealous to the point i give up even trying to talk to her. And no matter who the guy is i will feel inadequete.

 

[Moonchild]

Outgoing guys usually scare me and I believe they scare all shy girls. I mean, they seem really different from me and I don't feel comfortable around them. I believe thor that your shy girl already knows that all these outgoing people are nothing but glam and that nice people are the quiet ones. Who would chose a party animal with millions of friends (spooky) instead of a reliable guy with whom one could hang around watching movies, taking quiet walks etc. Good luck anyway

 

[thor01]

Thanks for your replies, it makes me feel better knowing other people feel similar.

And yeah Moonchild I was thinking that, I hope that's the case here. Just hard to tell sometimes. I'd be fully satisfied with just becoming friends in this case, which makes it even stranger and more jealous, for me to feel jealous

 

[Violaine]

I've grown up to be jealous, bitter, and envious but it's just all these years of frustration and not being able to keep up with others and havn't found my own path to happiness. I don't usually become friends with pretty girls because of my insecurities. I've now accepted the fact that guys aren't falling over theirselves to talk to me anymore and I play the background and become introverted and unmoved by attention. Might not be the best way but at least i'm not being desperate.

 

[thor01]

Jelousy crept in again today when I heard the same guys friend, a male, who he was out with last night, mention that he (the one I mentioned before, not his friend who was saying this) "got laid" and that he wasn't in today because he was hung over. I'm not jealous about the hang over, that's an advantage I have of not drinking. I just felt jealous about the other part.

 

[Ashiene]

Yup. Why would a girl choose me over someone who's more outgoing, more sociable, more interesting, has lots of friends, is funny, is cool, is athletic, etc? It's survival of the fittest.

 

[klytus]

Why would a girl choose me over someone who's more outgoing, more sociable, more interesting, has lots of friends, is funny, is cool, is athletic, etc? It's survival of the fittest.

That depends on the girl, after all. She might choose you because she values other characteristics more than the ones you mentioned. Wise women will generally shun outgoing, sociable, cool, funny and athletic men with lots of friends. Those aren't the fittest - they are among the dumbest, and the most likely to betray, lie, use, abuse and leave. Survival in our modern world requires a different set of skills. If someone is so into looking good and being socially accepted, that his entire life revolves around friends and chicks, then that someone isn't particularly worth knowing anyway. You wouldn't want a girl who has the hots for such men, would you?

 

[klytus]

That's not true though. Being sociable, cool, funny, athletic, etc, is not a combination for being dumb, abusive and shallow. That's absurd. Insecure people just like to believe that it is because it makes them feel better about themselves. There are just as many introspective art pricks as there are stupid jocks. It falls on the individual.

As far as my experiences go, it's said type of socially accepted men that caused most women around them temporary unhappiness and emotional problems. People who are sociable must have much in common with mainstream society - otherwise they wouldn't be accepted, or couldn't make others relate to them sufficiently to befriend them. People who don't have much beyond membership of this species in common with most others alive, can't be sociable without faking it. They are almost doomed to being outcasts. What mainstream society deems 'cool' and 'funny' almost amounts to 'dumb' and 'immature'. Athletic people spend much time toughening their bodies, time they could, in principle, use to become more knowledgeable, but that wouldn't be as socially desired as more muscles, better smiles, better jokes, and more durability for alcohol exposure.

Not all who feature those traits are shallow, dumb abusers, of course. It's always about a 'significantly high number', over-generalizations just serve to make a point. But then, it's possible that I am surrounded by retards and most people are actually quite loveable and bright. Perhaps you are right and I just have met the wrong people in a much higher number than I previously thought.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Upset Umbrella

People who are sociable must have much in common with mainstream society - otherwise they wouldn't be accepted, or couldn't make others relate to them sufficiently to befriend them

Wow, I totally disagree! Sure a lot of them do, and so do a bunch of people who aren't sociable... They just are too afraid to show it. Most people are "boring". Out of order! Some people are just super friendly, and at the same time strange, and everyone loves them! For people who are afraid to be judged, I really don't think we should be judging people like that...

Bleh I don't wanna argue, I just think you don't understand what I am tring to say. There's some things we'll just never agree on.

 

[klytus]

Most people are "boring".They just are too afraid to show it.

To show what? Their boringness?

Some people are just super friendly, and at the same time strange, and everyone loves them!

Yes, of course, this is reciprocal liking and by being 'super friendly' they fulfil a certain social demand, and have therefore something very important in common with most people. Moreover, most would reciprocate friendliness even without actually liking the 'friendly person' in question.

There are plenty of situations where society accepts people who - at the first sight - seem very different, but still have lots of mainstream qualities, like actually having the desire to meet others and act on it; or being friendly to others to mainly make themselves feel good and be liked back; or partaking in social activities that society deems essential for healthy interpersonal relationships, like going to parties, drinking with buddies/friends, chasing girls/guys, sharing mainstream interests, ...