It's one thing when you push people away...But...

[Iseesky]

It's so much worse when you're desperately trying to hold onto the friendship and the other person lets go.

This is a different situation for me. I'm constantly pushing people out of my life, so it's nothing new to lose a friend that way. But, recently I seem to have lost 2 friends without even trying...

I've known these two girls for quite awhile. I feel comfortable around both of them and, though we don't talk much, we always find a day to spend time together. I hung out with both of them (seperately...they aren't friends with each other) a few months ago. I enjoyed myself, as I usually do, and a month or two after that, I suggested we hang out again. But, one of them didn't even get back to me...And the other said that we should, but hasn't made any further effort to contact me.

And now all of these doubts keep running through my head. 'Am I boring? I must be boring...That's why they don't want to hang out with me anymore. They pity me. They know I don't have many friends and I'm their charity case.'

And it's not because they're so busy with their lives that they've had no time to spend with friends. Thanks to facebook I have plenty of evidence of them having fun without me.

I guess it gives me a taste of my own medicine. I have low self confidence, so I can hardly imagine anyone actually being upset over losing me as a friend...But, maybe the people I pushed away felt the same way I feel now.

Anyway, now I'm down to 2 friends (true, wonderful friends that aren't going anywhere) and the number doesn't seem to be increasing any. It makes me feel kind of lonely to see people from high school going to clubs and concerts and such with different friends. I just feel like a failure. Obviously success in life isn't determined by how many friends you have, but being lonely sucks.

STORY TIME! Have any of your friends pushed you away for seemingly no reason? People you can be yourself around that suddenly don't want anything to do with you anymore?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Yes, I've had that happen before, although I begin to question if it's true friendship when the other person leaves you hanging. But, I'm starting to wonder if I'm pushing away the only real friend that I have now; I don't really contact him, partly out of fear and partly because I keep forgetting::.

As for you, well, it's not the number of friends you have, but the quality of them. Enjoy those two friends. Some people can't say that they've had "true friends" before. I'm sure you'll get some more friends in the future though.

 

[AGR]

Well be glad you have those true friends!
Maybe you could become friends with people they know?

No I never had this happen,I only have one person who I consider as a friend and I only meet him at work,he lives in the other state,also he is so outgoing that I am afraid of going out with him.

 

[MikeyC]

It makes me feel kind of lonely to see people from high school going to clubs and concerts and such with different friends.

This doesn't automatically mean they're happy, though. Seeing pictures and updates on Facebook about this filters out all the bad that could be happening. However I do understand that it'd make you lonely and I'm sorry. ::

 

[Srijita52]

I agree with Deadman, its the quality that matters. Even if you have a tons of friends, you won't be super close with all of them and not everyone will stay always. I'm glad you have true friends.
If you want to make more friends though,
maybe you can try to meet new people, you can join a club where you can find people with similar interests or maybe you can ask your friends to introduce you to their friends. Good luck.

 

[Sup Phyl]

I have experienced this. At school I had several close friends, all who said would stay in touch with me. Three years later and they all seem to be in contact with each other frequently but I have only been out twice with any of them in this time. I've grown used to people letting me down and as a result I'm scared to make new friends as I'm now convinced the same thing will happen again. As a result I have now gotten into the habit of pushing people away. I do feel the same as you; thinking I'm boring. I know my low self confidence is a major factor but I thought it would be easier than this. I'm starting to think it's not worth it.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I've never really had friends like that but most of the people I've known have pushed away-- normally in some terrible manner.
Most any potential 'friend' I made was only pretending to be interested in me for a short time in order to pull some elaborate prank or to figure out a non-secret/totally obvious fact about me that they could tell the rest of the school and use as fodder to make fun of me.
I suppose I haven't desperately tried to hang on, though. Was just myself.
That's probably not enough, I suppose?
Oh, well! haha

I did try to keep my relationship going, though.
I trusted him and was myself and did everything in my power to keep him happy because that made me happy-- but that wasn't enough and he left without giving me a reason.
So, perhaps that's a similar situation.

 

[Bladeliger]

Though I am about a year too late for responding to this thread, this is exactly how my social life is currently going "ISEESKY". I've done this so often now that, when I make a friend I am expecting them to see through this guise that everyone else seems to see through except me and realise that they have made a big mistake being my friend. My solution is to be the best that you can be and hope it is enough. You just have to harden your heart and realise that not everyone in this world is a decent human being. Most will only like you until they get what they want whereas some will stand by you until distance, interests etc... begin to diminish and it ends on its own. Either way, a year on, I hope everything is going better for you!