Is Society Phobic of Social Phobiacs?

[oscarwilde]

I've been reading the forum for several hours now, and I'm getting convinced that this group of individuals who are somehow, secretly and inherently connected throughout the globe by the dark spell of social phobia, might have something else in common. I believe it's no coincidence we are the silent ones, it seems the world in fact wants us to shut up. Others always dominate us, but why? We may be weak - if by 'weak' one means someone who is a deeply emotional and moral being, someone who thinks twice and feels a hundred times more than the average person. Most if not all people here are so kind and gentle, it's hard not to see the pattern...

I have the feeling that we all are the victims of the universe's self-contained conspiracy, the thousand years old war on emotions. Mankind is trying to oppress the white half of the yinyang, banishing it from public life (even though it's most certainly impossible to do). White represents the female energy, its traits being empathy, kindness, gentleness, creativity, intuition. The world seems to go on rejecting the offerings of white and favouring the masculine above all with its bold determination, analitical, materialistic, linear type of thinking. Society is thus out of balance. /I am NOT saying women as a group should fancy themselves more important than the other half - (we all saw how that turned out with some whackjob feminists who ended up manifesting the worst of masculine energy.) /

What I'm trying to say is that I suspect most of us here hold a particular sort of tenderness that is seen in society as weakness or something to be ashamed of, however deep down we might know it's not the case. Personally, I have loads of memories when I got humiliated for being kind, open and emotional and were suggested that it is not the 'norm'. This might be an additional factor, maybe even a root to my problem. Being highly suggestible, I learned to hate the very things in myself that are inseparable from my nature. This might have lead to the conflicting feelings I go through in my social awkwardness. It's hard to tell where phobia begins ... maybe society was phobic of me way before I became a social phobic!

The beginnings are not important howoever. Losing the gift of love is a dangerous tendency which I experience in myself and in others day after day. We should get more conscious of who we are. Coming out of our shell is not purely for personal gain, it could be a contribution to the world. So, to sum it up, not only the injustice of being trodded upon but the absolute neccesity of global healing invoked this little rant from me, I hope some of you can relate.


Could this be real, or is it just my notorious megalomania creeping upon me again? You tell me!

 

[oscarwilde]

( You'll have to excuse me for my twisted rethoric, I know that traditionally black stands for the feminine, it just felt right to put white as a counterpart for social phobia's dark spell. )

 

[Arthur_Dent]

That's not exactly my case, more than telling me to shut up, most people actually ask me to talk more

 

[R3K]

Q: why is there always an omega wolf in every wolf pack?
A: because we need to label each wolf in the pack for cataloguing/studying for our own academic purposes. alpha represents A, the leading letter in the alphabet, so, i guess we should call the wolf that walks ahead of the rest of the pack and initiates hunts and other activities the alpha. it just makes sense in some mundane, linear sense. consequently, this alpha member of the pack seems to be larger, stronger and more aggressive. this due to the simple outcome of always eating first after a kill - the alpha was lucky enough to inherit genes from one of its alpha-like parents, was slightly stronger and larger during pup/weening period and had access to more of its mother's milk... the rest just fell into place out of consequence. omega, since it occurs later on in the alphabet, a good distance from alpha fits by this logic, and is applied to anyone or anything that is small, meek, easily and natrually subduable.

Q: what purpose does the omega serve?
A: alpha types need to feed frequently to maintain their strength/size. they need to keep their alpha posture even when there is no hunting or fights with rival predators taking place. the constant feeding in preparation for hunts/fights leaves a lot of excess energy, and since it's the alpha's responsibility to keep the pack alive and strong, the alpha needs to stay sharp and be ready for any threat/opportunity. lounging in the shade, just waiting for hunger to return, or a bear to rush in and threaten the pack is not an acceptable use of time for the alpha. therefore the alpha turns on its own pack members looking to wrestle around.

the second strongest in the pack is in a bad mood, just broke up with his girlfriend, doesn't feel like wrestling. everyone else seems to have an excuse for not wanting to have a little fun and exercise. oh wait - Henry over there's just f*ckin around with some butterflies and acting like a goofball by himself. he doesn't have a girlfried for sure - or anything else serious and important to attend to. alpha goes over there and starts wresting/pinning the omega down, and, being the weakest in the pack, he can only comply and continue to subdue, lying on his back and letting the alpha close his jaws around his neck over and over again. play becomes sport, the other members in the pack begin to follow the alpha and take their own turns bullying the omega.

the only one who doesn't get a turn at roughing up the omega is the omega.

Q: why do alphas and other pack members show concern for the weakest member in the pack(even whimpering for them when they die?)
A: they don't understand the omega's ability: to constantly take belittlement from its brothers and turn it into a lifestyle. the rest of the pack doesn't understand, and that bothers them. bothers them enough that they wish the omega hadn't been taken away from them before they could figure it out.

 

[oscarwilde]

Very interesting post, although I am not entirely sure what you mean... Are you saying that we are genetically determined to be overpowered by the stronger, aggressive ones? Are we born to suffer, is it really for the best?

The animal kingdom might provide plenty of examples for alpha-omega type behaviour, but what about the legendary alturism of crows? Their survival tactic isn't based on the hierarchic system of bullying the weak, they choose to guard and defend the vulnerable members of their group instead. Whenever a predator is about to attack one of them, they all gather around and scare it away. It's amazing how sufficient their system is, even though it does not suppress the omega ones at all. The human alpha wolves (*******s for short) might justify their behaviour by implying that it is inevitable for maintaining a group, but is it really?
I don't think so.

 

[Section_31]

People in general shun or fear what they dont understand. Most of the time people arent even consciously aware theyre reacting that way.

Its because so many supposed "normal" people (who i like to call non mutants) run the world, they automatically consider others like them to be "normal".

People love to have plans. be organized. Others who are like them also fit into this mould.

When someone like us comes along, who does NOT fit into that mould, well holy crap the plan falls apart, people start losing their little minds and its a big deal because someone else is different.

I think people want us to talk more to be more normal and like them. Even if theyre trying to be nice and dont realize theyre coaxing us out of our shells because thats what society has taught them to do on an instinctual level. And if you try to work aroudn the system or avoid their system, you get scolded for it.

Again, most of this i dont even think people are consciously aware of. But the issue is on a much, much larger scale.

 

[oscarwilde]

I think people want us to talk more to be more normal and like them.

The question is: do YOU want to talk more, and if so, what about?

I'm guessing you do. Clearly we aren't gathered here for no reason, we all have our limits in social life that we wish to expand - if we were satisfied without human contact, we wouldn't seek help. There would be no case of illness at all.
You have described very well the unnerving feelings of inadequacy that derives from 'not fitting in'. I guess each person here is familiar with that.
But do you really believe in your inadequacy? Do you perhaps even take a certain pride in that feeling? Do you secretly despise regular human beings (whoever they are)?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but for my own part I must say I'm sometimes overwhelmed with contempt for my peers, but I'm also aware that these thoughts are rooted in my shaky self esteem. In some cases my inability to express myself hinders others in understanding me. It is easier to blame those tiny little minds who just can't take in what I'm trying to say.
We are special people, there is no doubt about that, but what are we going to do about it? I don't think withdrawing from society is a good choice. Answers to our prayers lie where our biggest fears are...

As one of the greatest hungarian poets, Attila Jozsef wrote in one of his poems, 'Bathing your face in yourself is vain/Only in somebody else you can be washed.'

 

[Section_31]

I do and don.

I only talk enough to get by, IE at work. I hide my true self from most people. Very few know the "real" me. And i admittedly have self esteem issues, i always have.

DO i want to talk more?. That depends on who its to and what im talking about. To the typical normal person, not really. I find i have nothing in common to really get into. Not out of dislike per se, more like indifference. I personally would be just fine as a hermit in a bomb shelter somewhere with no human contact. Give me my kitties, a bathroom, food, a bed, TV and internet connection, and id be absolutely fine. Ive gone long periods in the past without seeing or talking to anyone, and its only because of necesity that ive adapted to having to do so. Untill i fonud this place, others. This place felt much different from the start in terms of connection with others vs connections with non-mutants.

Sometimes i believe in my own inadequacy. There are things ive been working on for years about myself with almost little to no change, simply because its difficult. but its because its difficult that i refuse to give up. Im stubborn lol.

Many of the time, yes, i do have contempt for "normal" people. For the longest time i regarded the rest of society as a bunch of toy loving idiots. Its only in the last 6 yrs or so i realized i had alot of anger and resentment and lack of self esteem and got the help i needed to try to find peace.

SO, to summarize myself, id say im a mutant blending in, just trying to survive in a world of non-mutants. Im not trying to change the world. Im not trying to force it to accept me. Im jsut trying to slip through the cracks and do what i need to do so i can go home at the end of the day and live my life as i want.

 

[oscarwilde]

My feeling is that your earnest desire is that everyone leaves you the f[]ck alone and you can do your thing. I don't really understand why you are here then, in such an indifferent society it is the easiest thing to go unnoticed. It's not much of a problem. People are more than ready to ignore you if they don't recieve the proper signals that you care enough to talk to them. I'd think problems arise when someone is desperate for contact but for some reason has difficulty establishing it...

Now all you have to do is find a profession that does not involve much human contact, preferably home, and you can live your life happily.
(Excuse me if this is a simplistic view, I don't know you, but this is what I've got from your comments. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!)

 

[Section_31]

LOL, i can def see how that wuold look confusing, me benig here but wanting to be left alone.

I guess here its because these people feel different, at least to me, that those outside. I feel a kinship. A connection. I havnt felt that anywhere else. That and i can communicate without feeling vulnerable or question my confidence. Its so wierd.

My profession is fine, im a computer network admin . I DO have human contact but the majority of my time is spent amongst machines.

 

[oscarwilde]

That's awesome, I have the same feeling. We share a common ground, the ground of our anxieties. We have an amazing bond of trust because we have the same problems and we are more understanding of each other.
But I must say that there may be a lot more social phobics out there than you'd think. In the recent years I managed to get close to some people whom I only admired from a distance before. (How did I do that? Alcohol, my friend. I used to take it as a magic serum to be able to enter the magnificient world of social people. But that's another story.)
When I took a closer look I realized most of these people are just as badly screwed up as I am, maybe even worse. It's just that they are better at 'covering up' (perhaps this is the trick to sanity and fitting in?)

Anyway, I think everyone has a little social phobia in them, why do you think so many people can relate to the socially awkward penguin? :]

 

[R3K]

When I took a closer look I realized most of these people are just as badly screwed up as I am, maybe even worse. It's just that they are better at 'covering up' (perhaps this is the trick to sanity and fitting in?)

that's exactly the trick, in my opinion. those who want to fit in with a certain social circle make every sacrifice to tailor their language/appearance/interests to be among their admired group.