Is SA more common than we think?

[this_portrait]

So for those who don't already know, I'm in the process of dating this guy I met off of a dating site. On our first date, he seemed a little shy, but he was much more talkative than me, and not only that, but he has initiated that date, and our next date as well. He struck me as a normal guy.

However, I was talking to him via MSN the other night, and we got on the topic of criticism. He mentioned how he is afraid to show anyone his work (his writing) because he fears he will be told it's horrible, and that he thinks that this fear is due to the fact that he has social anxiety. He then proceeded to say that it makes him question being a student teacher (his job), since he nearly has a heart attack before every class he goes to teach.

I was shocked beyond belief when he said he has SA. I mean, really, what are the chances that the first person you date from the internet has the same issue as you? Slim to none, right? I mean, we have a lot in common as far as interests and lifestyle, but SA was the last thing I figured we had in common!

Naturally, I told him that I suffer from SA as well, and that I was surprised that he has it. He was actually surprised to find I had it, too. He figured I was just really shy. I guess we both thought we were each good at hiding it, though my SA was pretty evident on our first date. Apparently I'm the first person he's met with SA as well.

This brings me to another topic. I was talking to an online MSN buddy (who also has SA), and he has talked to two girls from a dating site within this week so far, and he's found out that both of them have SA as well. He was just as shocked as I was when I found out my date has SA.

So this got me thinking: Is SA more common than we think it is? Is that all that's on the dating sites is social phobes? Is social anxiety becoming more and more common among the human race than it used to be? Or has it always been prevalent, and doctors/psychologists just didn't pay attention to it or have a name for it?

What do you all think?

 

[klytus]

I was shocked beyond belief when he said he has SA. I mean, really, what are the chances that the first person you date from the internet has the same issue as you? Slim to none, right?

That amounts to asking what the chances of finding a tree in a forest are. The internet acts like a filter, especially when it comes to dating. Those who have success offline are not in need of going online for that purpose.

Apart from that, the prevalence of social anxiety disorder is relatively high in developed countries.

 

[Harleyq]

Idk about SA specifically but it's believed that anxiety disorders in general are much more common than is statistically shown, because many anxious people are too afraid to seek help.

 

[klytus]

Idk about SA specifically but it's believed that anxiety disorders in general are much more common than is statistically shown, because many anxious people are too afraid to seek help.

Indeed. What present statistics show is already indicative of the direction of our society's development.

 

[Nicholas]

I believe we should not confuse shyness with SA or AvPD.
Everyone is at least a bit shy sometimes, and yes, modern society is influencing us too much with its culture of "you must be perfect", so I believe SA will become more and more common.
But let's not generalize and take someone shy as someone with SA, because SA is a real problem that affects everything you do.

 

[Badbuz]

They say its the third most common health issue in the western world alcholism and depression are the first two

 

[klytus]

They say its the third most common health issue in the western world alcholism and depression are the first two

I want sources for that.

 

[Meggerz88]

As for the dating site thing, I think it would be very likely to find a high percent of people who have some sort of social awkwardness, if not SA, simply on the fact that it is easier to get to know somebody for who they are and be comfortable over the internet. That is how I met my boyfriend. I think that most anxiety and general mental health disorders are becoming more recognized. There may be some correlation with the kinds of high stress lifestyles we choose to live these days, but I think that in the past there just wasn't the kind of recognition and acceptance for mental illness as there is today. And as for more people having SA than you think... It is most definitely that way. The very essence of the disorder makes us try to hide that we have it. How many of you make it common knowledge that you have SA? The few people I have told out of necessity admitted that it made sense in some regards, but they really had no idea I freak out so bad about social encounters...

 

[klytus]

I suppose that a large part of it has to do with people's preparedness for real life, or a lack thereof. In developed countries, teenagers and children are kept in a state of suspended mental development until they leave the educational system. They are kept far away from anything our society deems dangerous in most contradictory ways. It has been like this for the past couple of decades, which makes many of us children of unprepared parents - who fail badly in their responsibility to sustain the families they created, and that not just financially.

I, personally, know that in Finland a pervasive feel-good psychology is present in the mandatory educational system, which leaves people unprepared for criticism. That may contribute to the insanely high suicide rate amongst university students I heard of.

What may keep people in poor countries mentally healthy is the constant struggle for survival, which gives an individual's life a meaning. Contrary to developed countries where you are supposed to choose your own meaning of life. That together with ignorance about reality, a tendency towards self-delusion and broken family ties is a possibly lethal combination when it comes to an adolescent's mental health. With a fluctuating self-identity, it is nigh impossible to find a clear path through life.

 

[klytus]

They arent being hammered about their weight and their fashion and education, money etc. This is a main contributor in making people insecure/inadeqauate. Its all over the TV, newspapers, magazines etc.

True. However, it only has such a detrimental effect on people because of their inability to discern reality and illusion, especially when it comes to their own selves, which is a consequence of their upbringing. Nobody is perfectly rational, though, so I guess that the negative influence of the media is inevitable to some degree.

 

[doesit]

I also think its due to not being as materialistic as well. They arent being hammered about their weight and their fashion and education, money etc. This is a main contributor in making people insecure/inadeqauate. Its all over the TV, newspapers, magazines etc.

Both of you are wrong.doesnt matter in which country you live you still need to fight for your place in life, let it be africa or the US.and theres millions of poor,fat,or strange people who dont give a flying F*** about how they look or act.id say the only thing which is different is that someone with SA had a sh1t period at some point in their life where they didnt manage to cope and it evolved into disorder.And since there is internet it brings some hope for people to find others who are different and thats how common it could be.

 

[klytus]

Both of you are wrong.doesnt matter in which country you live [many] still need to fight for [their] place in life, let it be africa or the US.and theres millions of poor,fat,or strange people who dont give a flying F*** about how they look or act.

That actually indicates that I am right.

 

[klytus]

So that explains the high suicide rate in Finland. Thank you for sharing this bit of information. For years people have told me a completely different story.

Well, that I was told by someone who worked as the principal of a middle- and high-school in Finland. Whether the information is reliable is unknown to me. However, it makes sense. Certainly such a complex subject cannot be reduced to a single cause. It is multi-factorial.

 

[Lonelykitsune]

i never knew it was so prevalent,i always just thought iwas weird.but then i saw a documntery on selective mutism on channel 4 or something and relealised i wasnt alone.thn i serached the internet for info and found it was lik my way of thinking.i showed my parents at the time but they said"just some american bullshit labeling anything and evrything as a disease".so i havnt bothered to show them again since,and they dont know how bad its got.but ive only ever seen one other person who may have it and nevr heard anything else about outside the internet

 

[FountainandFairfax]

There's a quote that goes something like "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." I think this saying goes a long way in explaining the high-rate of anxiety disorders today.

Things are easier now, you don't have to be concerned about pressing concerns on a daily basis. You have heat, you have food, you have running water. There's nothing prescient to keep your mind from obsessing on things that are secondary or that are not of immediate dire concern.

This freedom from hardship leaves a lot of time and opportunity for the more sensitive and anxiety-prone (like us) to develop problems.

 

[AGR]

You are more likely to find them on the internet,as someone said,if they could get a bf/gf easily outside of the internet,it would be unlikely that they would be in those sites.

 

[Outshined]

A few people here mentioned the difference in psychological problems between developed countries and third world countries, and that reminded me of something I learned about called Maslow's hierarchy of needs. According to Maslow, most people's physiological and safety needs are well met in developed countries, and so people will focus on their emotional and other mental needs. So, pretty much stating what you guys have already said. I don't believe that there is a set hierarchy as Maslow suggests, but the rest of his theory seems to fit.

I think awareness of disorders like SA, OCD, depression, etc. can only continue to become more prevalent. The internet definitely helps this.

 

[Noca]

Every SAer I meet in real life recently is a fcking bitch and an asshole.