I've had a fear that im going to be a pedophile for awhile, i have went into detail in my other posts, but recently this fear has been consuming me. Im attracted to people my age and older, I'm 18... i've been going through my memories trying to find out if i am a pervert i can remember many times where i had a crush on girls older than me which makes me feel normal. However i still doubt if i am sexually normal...i can find boys attractive too.. i constantly try and see if i find children attractive and the answer is no... however i can find young teens 12-15 attractive... i've seen pictures of teens this age and they turned me on. Is it normal for my age to be attracted to young teens this age?
is it normal?
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Kathryn.fr
Well-known member
I've heard of a lot of people simply being attracted, or so they think. Then they find out they're not, or it's not their thing. I think it's okay, just...never display that you are, or act on it. Try not to? I guess.
SAYC
Active member
OK, so you are 18-that's a time of lots of ups and downs. When I was 13 there were several girls dating guys 17 and even 18 years old. There are lots of problems with that but it does happen.
As others have noted, you are pretty upset with this stuff-lots of posts-I think you need to stop reacting to the thoughts. Learn to let the thoughts just slide out a trap door in your brain or say to yourself "It's not me, it's OCD". This will help stop the cascade of guilt, then gradually sit down and write out the problem as you see it, the emotions you are having, your greatest fear that you can identify from that and then write that fear in a way that is real such as "sometimes I am attracted to people that are younger than me but I am very happy and satisfied dating people my own age". This works well-read "The New Mood Therapy" Robert Burns or get the workbook for it and work through this stuff.
Now, you are also struggling with your sexuality. I think most people have a spectrum of sexuality-I am heterosexual and happily fulfilled with that but I still find some women attractive. That is OK. I know I am not a lesbian but I do appreciate and am attracted to qualities in people my own sex. Every person probably struggles with their sexuality at some point or even for life!!! It's that much harder when you struggle with OCD. A lot more challenging but please try to separate out the lies that OCD tells you and what YOU actually want!!!
noelliesmommy
Member
At first I was reading this and thinking "this must be a 50 years old man feeling guilty about sexual thoughts of younger women. " Then I realized that you were only 18. So that makes this issue not a big deal at all... you are still just a "baby." When I was 18 I was attracted to 14-40 year olds. Both men and women although I never really thought of myself as BI because I stuck with men. You are just young and horny relax. Even now that I am 30 I still find myself attracted to younger people like 16 and up. I don't feel like a pervert though because I would never act on those feelings. Typically younger people are more attractive than older people so it makes sense. As I was reading your posts I noticed that you sort of mentioned that you were attracted to males and females. Are you Bi-sexual? If you are bisexual some of your ocd guilt might be that you are attracted to males as well as females. If you were brought up thinking that being attracted to the same sex is dirty and perverted than it would make sense that you were thinking distructive thoughts about yourself and your sexual nature. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to younger people or being attracted to the same sex. Are you in therapy? You should seek help because cognitive therapy can really help OCD also some medications help too. I am impressed that at 18 you are so honest and straight forward. I think you will do great in therapy. Really great!
Well there's no need to be too hard on yourself, I think men of every age, including myself, have found a teen attractive at some point or another. It's natural enough, it's just that our laws stipulate that it's not okay to act on, so it's important that you have enough discipline not to go there. Either way, you will find that your tastes evolve over time, and so long as you grow up with your focus on adults (which is almost inevitable if you ask me) you'll be just fine. I don't believe you are a pervert or pedophile.
Don't forget too that with OCD, your mind is often fixed on the most taboo subject imaginable; the one you're most afraid of. Because pedophilia is among the most frowned-upon things in the western world, your brain has gone into overdrive and is running wild with the idea, which in turn horrifies you. As long as you recognize that that's what happening to you, you can isolate it as an intrusive thought and not consider it a part of your true identity.
Don't forget too that with OCD, your mind is often fixed on the most taboo subject imaginable; the one you're most afraid of. Because pedophilia is among the most frowned-upon things in the western world, your brain has gone into overdrive and is running wild with the idea, which in turn horrifies you. As long as you recognize that that's what happening to you, you can isolate it as an intrusive thought and not consider it a part of your true identity.
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SAYC
Active member
YES! I think the last two posts said it all very well. I totally agree with them.
One other point is that young teens are really sexualized in the media, music videos and advertisements. I disagree with that and wish society would let these kids grow up free of the confusion that early sexual activity often results in. Anyway, my point is that you are exposed to these images a lot and if you are obsessed with the fear of being a pedophile, when you naturally react to these images, you rack up a big pile of guilt.
You would do really well in therapy because you are searching and trying to feel better and young enough to be open to suggestions/change. At your age you would benefit a lot from learning coping techniques and also ways to let go of guilt and ways of self-acceptance.
OceanMist
Well-known member
Doesn't every guy find young women attractive? I think the only thing stopping guys is the law and morals.
I think it's perfectly okay to think a teen girl is hot. We're human, we are attracted to what we are attracted to. I don't feel guilty at all. It's not like I'm going to go around telling little girls that I think they are hot (sexual harassment lawsuit probably waiting to happen).
It's about what you do, not what you think with this kind of stuff. I think it's kind of fun to think of crazy stuff. it's like haha, you can't tell what I'm thinking about you.
tylerhknox
Member
This hits the nail on the head. I used to have scary, uncontrollable thoughts about killing people or people dying, and I knew I would never do it but I could not stop my mind from thinking it. From what I gather, you could possibly be feeling the same way I used to, but obviously in a different way.
Do you ever feel like you are going to act on your obsessions of younger people?
i used to have the fear i would be a murderer too, but generally i dont really have urges to do anything to young teens i find attractive no... sometimes if i find a girl attractive i will really want to talk to her and flirt or hit on her but i dont cause i feel like thats what a pervert would do... i think this because i found a 15 yr old girl hot and i am 18 and i had the desire to text her but i decided not too because i felt guilty because i wanted too... this is the stuff that bothers me