Intrusive thoughts

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BrentMcD23

Member
Hey everyone. I have ocd pretty bad. I'm constantly praying the intrusive thoughts away and usually pray the same prayer 5 or 6 times. All the time. Anyway, I smoke weed (which almost ALWAYS makes it 100 times worse (don't ask me why I smoke, I just like to get high) WITHOUT the craziness that comes with it. Okay so I was watching a homosexual film last night (with very graphic sexual scenes) and it got me aroused. I fast forwarded and stopped at a scene where a drag looking man and other guy were watching a movie. All of the sudden it showed an older man rub up this 10 year old boys leg and then grabbed his crotch, he then goes on to grab the boys hand and make him feel his crotch. The little boy flips out and runs (and nothing more happened) but I just sat there... Mortified. How could I ever unsee what i just saw? It made me so uncomfortable and uneasy. Honestly it scared the hell out of me. The drag dude got excited when it happened. My mind began racing and i kept thinking why did this just happen to me? I just can't understand why anyone would put that in a movie. I feel like what terrifies me is that I'm scared I like it (and the intrusive thoughts) but I know that I don't. But there's still that anxiety and terror that I'm like that. Help?
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I don't think you should be watching such intense movies if they have that effect on you.

I also don't think you should be smoking weed if it intensifies that effect, but that is your prerogative and I can't tell you what you should and shouldn't be doing. Just be aware that you've admitted it makes your thoughts worse, so you know the side-effects of getting high.
 
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Gina_Marie

Member
I'm sorry that you had to witness what you did in that movie. I think the best way to go about dealing with it is to rationalize what happened. It was just a movie. Those were just actors. It wasn't just the two people in the scene, there were hundreds of other videographers, directors, actors. It was just a movie, and everyone in that scene is safe. And so are you. I'm not sure if this helps, I'm sorry if it doesn't. Just stay strong. :)
 
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BrentMcD23

Member
They were watching the movie in the movie. And it was obviously a child being touched. I looked up reviews and. No one ever mentioned it. It's from the early 80s but still. Maybe I am overthinking it
 
Froggy246

Froggy246

Well-known member
I think I know how you feel, I really don't know why they put disturbing stuff like that in movies, like torture porn, or a rape scene. They are the types of things which you can't get out of your head, it is horrible because then you start thinking, why can't I get this out of my mind, should I be worried!?
Yea smoking can fuel intrusive thoughts as well, I've been reduced to a ball on the floor before because of intense intrusive thoughts after smoking too much, it can also induce panic attacks with me but that's a bit off topic, it's hard not too smoke when it's had nice effects in the past though.
Time is the only remedy for me, I just have to wait it out.
 
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BrentMcD23

Member
I know EXACTLY what you mean! The first month or so of smoking was fun.. Like more fun than I've had in a while.. And then one day it got bad and then it lead to nothing but bad after that. I get panicked over the smallest stuff. One time it was so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. I was scared out of my mind.
 
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