internet BAD for social phobics

[blackhole]

hey everyone. im a 22 yr old female and been suffering from this illness for as long as i can remember.

ever since i was 15, ive been a huge user of the internet. maybe 6 hours a day. hiding away from "real life". talking to net friends and avoiding life and its gotten even worse as ive grown older, because I CAN avoid real life situations. i prefer talking to people over the net, i shouldnt, but i do. i feel like im a likable person on here, funny and charming. in real life, im the opposite.

even though the net has allowed me to identity my illness, i think it cripples me. and i'd probably be better without it.

if im funny and charming on the net, doesnt it mean that i can be too in real life? thats something i cant get my head around. i obviously have the potential.

what do you guys think? anyone in the same situation?

 

[thequietone]

blackhole, I know what you mean. It's a topic that people worry about because there is an increasing ability for people to not have as much real contact.
I think if you are charming online, you certainly can be in person! It's there inside you.
For me personally, the internet really helps, especially this site. I can more easily express myself here and it really helps to "see" or in this case read about people who have some of my same problems.
I think the best remedy would be meeting in some SA group with real people, but hey, we have to work our way up right?
If you feel that the internet is inhibiting you instead of helping you could try to slowly wean yourself off it and take some risks in the outside world. In fact, that is my exact goal for this summer! More risks. Better attitude.

 

[blackhole]

i think im ready to face my demons to be honest.
i really wouldnt mind meeting up with a self help group. i just dont know where to start, talking to my GP isnt something that seems appealing to me

my goal is also the same for this summer. im doing some bold things, and will be put in very social situations.

but whenever i get the courage to do such things and go to such situations, the way i feel afterwards makes me never wanna meet anyone new again.

its a horrible cycle.

 

[thequietone]

The same thing happened to me. I've had these problems all my life too, but they've been expanded by the difficulties of young adulthood. :roll: I'm a few days short of being twenty and the adjustment to college even though I am now living at home was quite tortuous. Social phobia got so bad I could only leave the house for work and school and avoided my old friends like the plague.
And like you, whenever I would make myself go somewhere with them, I'd feel terrible afterward. And I'm just recently discovering that that's because I put SO much pressure on myself to say everything perfect, to feel and be as perfect as I percieve my friends to be. Even if I got through the situation I'd blame myself for doing something wrong. there was always SOMETHING for me to beat myself up over
It still happens, but I'm really trying hard to focus on the things I did right and cut myself some slack.
I also hope you are successful in your goals this summer bird! Cheers for self-improvement! :lol:

 

[blackhole]

i know its to do with putting pressure on myself, definitely. but when my friends ask me questions about what ive done recently...i have NOTHING to say, because ive literally done NOTHING, you know? ive just stayed in my room feeling depressed. i mask this whole thing quite well. my friends just end up doing most of the talking.

and even if i do have something to say. i usually end up not saying it because it ALWAYS comes out sounding stupid.

my storytelling technique is ridiculous. bits here and there, completely all over the place

my god!

 

[isogunluk]

hi i think internet is sometimes or for some people dangerous....by the time you start to live in a anreal world:..you start to type or write but you don't talk...maybe social phobic people are having chance of being the person who they always imagine...they can have relations which they are nat able to have in realk world...but learning social phobia was a very big chance for me...i have learned it from internet and solve my problem whit psyhco. so now i am presedent of an association which tries to give people information about social phobia, depression an + .... love everyone in here...

 

[xtina_fan81]

Hey, I just had to reply on this because I believe am very much like what blackhole is talking about.

You say you seem liable when you talking onn the internet; do you mean you feel like its the only plce you can be yourself?? If this is the case, that's exactly how I feel. I spedn ages on the internet. I use to almost be addictaed to it and there was a time where things got quite out of hand because i becoame quite needy and obesseive to people I had met on websites. I think that as because it was the first time people had seem interested and I grabbed hold of that, probably too tightly and some things happened that shouldnt have. But i dont know if that would have happened anyway orit was because i had social anxiety and the sensitivity that comes with it with me.
Bit as time went on, I made it uo with those people and its all good now.
I just said that because I think myabe it can have negative effects but NOT for everyone.

What struck me when reading your post was when you said you're a likeable person on the internet and you wish yo could be like that in real life. Personally I thank god for the internet because it has given me the opportunity to be myself, and I talk to people I know from schoo on here. Some of them were surprised when they spoke to me on the internet and saw a side of me they hadnt seen before. Once I talked to them online, it was easier to talk to them in person too, because i felt they knew me better and i feel more comfy around them. If it wasnt for the internet, everyone at school etc would just know me as "the quiet one" although i hopefully wouldve opened up more as time went on anyway, the internet enabled me to open up completly. I am just a "normal" person online, Im not "the quiet one", I dont worry about the things I worry about when im talking to someone face to face, and thats the whole point. We dont have the worries that we have when we are around people on the outside world, because all we have between us is a computer screen. It's social but its not face to face contact, which i what the majority of social phobics fear.

overall think the internet is a great way for social anxiety sufferers, as long as it doesn't get out of hand like it did with me adn you dont get too dependent on people online. Although I dont completely regret that happening, cause it made me stronger like every bad experience.

Please post back, id like to know more about the points you have made and what you think about what I have said.

 

[JamesMorgan]

Blackhole

I spent ages away like you, hiding. It's only on the inside that you are hiding. What i say may seem confusing, but i hope you appreciate the response and that it changes how you believe others see you.

There are millions of people who cant see 'you' online and you can happily surf the net. In your mind, you believe they cannot see you, so you don't feel anxious. People create an image of you, this is what they see, they relate to you as a person. They think of you, like i am thinking of you now. I am relating to a person in my mind who i have built a picture of from what little i know about you. I cannot 'see' you, at all.

The very same principal applies when you are out and about away from the net, the difference being is that in your mind you believe others can really see 'you', yet they only see what their mind can perceive about you, so they don't really see 'you' at all. They relate to a person who they have perceived to be you. Like when they think about you they only get a minute fraction of who you really like based on your ever changing physical appearance.

If you sat in a room with one hundred people, family, friends, colleagues etc they would all describe you completely differently, they may be similar but not exactly the same. They each see a different person who they refer to as you.

The problem comes about because when we are out in 'real life' we believe instinctively that others can really see us, the person we call 'me'. This induces such self consciousness, magnified. Others do see us, but not in the way that we usually believe. When you understand this, you will understand how you can be the you in the real world who surf the net most of the day.

James

 

[xtina_fan81]

^ That's a really interesting insight

 

[Waybuloo]

Hi Blackhole,

I feel like u've described my life. I am 22 female who spent a major part of life on the net. I can be cheeky, humorous and unrestrained online but in real life my sa holds me back. The problem is that I feel my voice, mannerism, facial expressions and blushing betray me in real life and no matter how 'charming' I make myself they will see through it and basically judge me. Is that similar to what you feel?


When you are online, you subconsciously know that other people can't see you physically, so your mind isn't that busy trying to hide ur symptoms and worrying, therefore letting your mind flow easier, allowing that wittiness or charm out. Which means u definitely have the potential, but its just that worrier and self consciousness stopping ur real you from coming out.

My therapist once told me to not 'filter' myself when talking in real life and see what happens. i mean i've heard other people say weird things or make bloopers or told about 'boring' stuff but i don't reject them as a person or see them as a loser or anything.

I hope that helps. Darn i haven't posted for a long while i can barely talk fluently in this post.

 

[rainstreet]

hey everyone. im a 22 yr old female and been suffering from this illness for as long as i can remember.

ever since i was 15, ive been a huge user of the internet. maybe 6 hours a day. hiding away from "real life". talking to net friends and avoiding life and its gotten even worse as ive grown older, because I CAN avoid real life situations. i prefer talking to people over the net, i shouldnt, but i do. i feel like im a likable person on here, funny and charming. in real life, im the opposite.

even though the net has allowed me to identity my illness, i think it cripples me. and i'd probably be better without it.

if im funny and charming on the net, doesnt it mean that i can be too in real life? thats something i cant get my head around. i obviously have the potential.

what do you guys think? anyone in the same situation?

you only think you can do without it. the truth is, it's a monkey on your back. the moment you put it down, you want it back. It wont let you go. doesn't matter how far you run. travel to the dark side of the moon? it will find you. take a bus to cleveland? uh uh.

your only hope?

that's right. a bowl of bluebell blackberry cobbler ice cream is really the only surefire universal cure for what ails you.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I think that for people who have had the internet for most of their lives, maybe it does disable them in some ways, but for me, I've only had internet for about a year & a half & it's definitely been good for me. I'm not as isolated as I was. I still am physically, technically, but I at least get to communicate to people now, which is something that never happened before I had the internet. I was 100% alone then. Now, even though I still feel alone, I'm at least somewhat connected to others. I'm not able to go out & socialize & actually communicate with people in real life at all, so the internet is very good for me.

 

[overcome.]

I have to say that I don't think the internet is bad for a social phobia. I think it teaches you to talk (ok, not literally) with all kinds of different people across the world, about a wide range of topics and you learn how people socialise and communicate differently. From this, if you can adapt it to real life and have the same confidence you may have online, I think that you'll do well in trying your hardest to overcome your phobia problems, or any confidence problems you may have.

 

[dooby-duck]

I think the biggest negative for me with the internet is that it enables me to avoid leaving home to do things that would avoid contact with other people. I can shop online, bank online, socialise online etc....

 

[persona]

Deleted...

 

[Hellhound]

To some it might be bad, to others it might be helpful. To me it was VERY helpful, because thanks to the net I got to talk to a lot of people, I met my close friends, I learned a lot of things... I would go insane without it.