In need of some advice.......lots of questions here.....

[Thatguy000]

Sorry for the long, FML post. But this has been nagging me for AGES and I finally found this place. I just really need to let it all out.

So I'm 17 now, going into grade 12, and its summer. Most kids my age would be going out with friends, partying, and just enjoying the freedom summer vacation gives. Not me though. Everyday I'm just finding myself at home, reading, or on Facebook HOPING someone will message me and start a conversation.

I just feel like right now in my life I just have a bunch of acquaintances and really no one I can call a close friend. And all the acquaintances I really don't feel like I want to totally be friends with (I really don't feel like we could connect on that level).

My biggest problem is meeting new people, or even getting closer with people I know only a little bit. I don't know how to just start talking with someone and get them to like me. Sometimes at school or around town I notice people I want to get to know better, but I keep thinking to myself that I'm just intruding on their lives and that they really won't want to talk to me.

Right now I have a fairly new job and so I want to start making some good friends from there. So how do I take the first step and get over my fears? Also, how do I move from the "acquaintances" phase of a relationship to a "friendship" one? I really just want to have people that I can call up, text, or hang out with and actaully feel like I am somewhat important in their lives.

 

[EasySkanking]

Sounds like you are just starting with this... research "social anxiety disorder" on the internet, see what choices you have in terms of solutions. Research CBT therapy excercises and so forth. That's how you start, knowing what problem you have and knowing how you can fix it

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

So how do I take the first step and get over my fears?

Yeah, CBT works for a lot of people.

Also, how do I move from the "acquaintances" phase of a relationship to a "friendship" one? I really just want to have people that I can call up, text, or hang out with and actaully feel like I am somewhat important in their lives.

Time. If you spend enough time hanging out with an acquaintance, then that may (or may not) become a real friendship. Don't try to force it.

 

[Feathers]

When I was about your age I felt a bit like that too.. Then at University I met people I could connect with more easily, as we had similar interests etc.

It will work better if you have similar interests and things to talk about.. So try to find people who are sort of similar to you.. Getting to know them better helps.. To see if you at all have things in common, if they're fun to be with etc. If they are shyer than you they may actually think you 'outgoing' (!)

You don't want 'just people', you want people you can have meaningful conversations with... If you find them interesting they may find you interesting too.. There are a lot of books or articles out there, on communication and non-verbal communication etc.

Try to build rapport first and find out things you have in common, it often helps to be enthusiastic and positive, or emphatic when necessary (if they have a bad day).. I posted a whole bunch of books that were helpful to me in another thread, let's see if I can find it.. Okay, found it: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/hi-people-28104/page-2/

 

[TimArends]

In my experience, when you start a new job you should start getting to know your coworkers and making a friendly impression on them right away. By "right away" I mean the first day!

If you create an impression around your coworkers as being unfriendly, then the job will be hard for you to manage, because in a work situation you will have to be around them all the time. Also, first impressions are the most important.

As far as turning acquaintances into friends, you start off by making conversation with them. If they seem to enjoy talking to you, and especially if they come to you to start making conversation with, then the next step is to invite them to some non-threatening event, such as eating lunch together. Then you move on from there.

 

[PunkRotten]

Work on having your own identity and life, and friends will come. Just get out and do things, gain some experience. You can't meet anyone or do anything sitting at a computer all day.

 

[Silvox Black]

Well, the issue is self-confidence. You will require practice speaking with and finding common interests with close friends. You should start small, perhaps find people on the forum you can befriend and become acquainted with them. Afterwards, you will find your abilities and confidence grow and eventually you should be able to take the step towards socializing in real life.