impotence and SAD in men??

[skins]

Hi guys im after some opinions, im a 28yo male that has suffered SAD nearly my whole life and for my sex life i have found impotence to be a big problem on and off aswell....i want to know other guys out there with SAD have u had problems with impotence and if so please share, and also if you think its related to having SAD?

ok my story: so i've had girlfriends on and off and one night stands etc anyway this last one i thought was the one which i would be happy to spend the rest of my life with...well being a guy with SA i, as usuall, relied on being drunk for our first date and the few meetings after that to get over the nerves and to hide my anxiety from her. anyway at first sex was a bit hit and miss for me as i could get errections on some occasions and other times not. i put this down to being drunk alot of the time (im a heavy drinker) and thought well when i become more relaxed around her it will be alot better and i wont have to drink asmuch. and as time progressed in the relationship sure enough eventually the sex became alot more enjoyable and ralaxed for me and the problems of not being able to get an errection become more and more rare...i thought yay im in the clear...she was an attractive girl and i was enjoying our time together...well after about three months she dropped the bombshell that due to certain things we werent suited to each other etc etc...as a person with SAD of course i took this rejection extremley hard and became very distresstred.. but for one reason or another after a few days she had seem to forgiven me and things were sort of back to normal again?

so i thought no worries i will just give it another go...after thinkin things were back as they were again we once again tried to rekindle our sex life. to my utter frustration my errctile dysfunction was back in a big way. in my belief it was the fact that she broke it off with me and had totally distroyed my confidence i had built with her as being a respected lover and partner. i had no confidence in myself anymore that i was worthy or good enough for her....at the time i tried to blame it was the effexor i was taking that was causing the impotence and that i will get off them ASAP...i went home ashamed after telling her i dont think this is going to work and that i need to sort out my life and my situation...i was shattered and distrort as i just broke it off with the girl i loved who was willing to give it another shot...i went to the doc and got blood test to confirm that ther was nothing physically wrong with me that was causing the impotence...this would confrim my suspicion that it was psychological as i could easily easily get an errection on full strength effexor and drinking while i was home alone...well i went to the doc and thought id try taking viagra as my ex girlfriend was once again inviting me over her place and things were looking promising once again....anyway dispite the viag i still found i couldn't have sex...i was extemely nervous when it came to the actually act as im sure it was in the back of my mind i felt i had to prove that i was once again good enough for her and past experinces of erectile dysfunction were sure haunting me in my mind...in despartion i tried to drink some alcohol to calm the nerves but this also has the catch 22 effect of making it harder ot gain an errection, i was scrwed and it showed...i was suck between a rock and a hard place excuse the pun..and i knew from this moment on it was over for good...i went home the next morning and broke it off with the girl i thought i loved over pure embarrassment and frustration about my physical problem. in the end despite constantly blaming myself i know logically it wasnt my entire fault as when she broke it off with me the first time my confidence in bed plumeted and was unable to recover it from that point...aslo i found out she had aspergers syndrome which makes the person extremely frustrating to be with (they dont feel empathy towards others etc)

i tell myself this but it still doesn't help with the feelings of suicide and worthlessness i feel about myself...i had for quite some time actually believed that i was finally handling my SAD well and was coping well in social situations..this experiance with relationships however re-affirms to me that all is not well..its so disheartening for me as i really wanted to find a girl and settle down someday as it is a burning desire inside me to do this, but now i know the perils of relationships while suffering SAD are too much for me to bare..my past 2 suicide attempts were related to girls and i know i can't risk it anymore. your thoughts?

 

[Aussie_Lad]

My thoughts are that while sex is something that is often expected in a relationship, it doesn't have to be that way. When you find your life partner, she will accept you as you are and you can deal with it together. If she can't accept you because of your sex drive then she isn't the right one anyway. It is important to be upfront with them though, tell them about your problem if it is likely to affect intimate times. Then she won't go away thinking that she is the reason for your problems.

 

[skins]

My thoughts are that while sex is something that is often expected in a relationship, it doesn't have to be that way. When you find your life partner, she will accept you as you are and you can deal with it together. If she can't accept you because of your sex drive then she isn't the right one anyway. It is important to be upfront with them though, tell them about your problem if it is likely to affect intimate times. Then she won't go away thinking that she is the reason for your problems.

ok don't get me wrong here..she was in no way was unaccepting of my poor sex drive...in the end it was me that couldn't handle it as i was the one feeling insecure about the situation and i made this clear to her...i made the point of being upfront with her and telling her that after she broke up with me i felt insecrue in the relationship and constantly felt like i couldn't live up to her expectations or that i wasn't good enough. this is what i meant in saying that i think my problem is psychological i.e related to my SA more then anything else..as i know its not physical, as i've had blood tests to confirm my testosterone levels are fine and all that and i can easily get errections when alone..just wondered if any other guys share the same experiance?

 

[LookingForward]

Simple answer, yes. I was married for a year, currently been seperated for a couple of months. In the beginning there was no problems, probably because she was the most beautiful girl i ahd ever seen and she seemed to be completely in love with me, that gave me the feeling of being normail, i actually felt good about myself. But then the old problems starting to re-appear. My confidence started sliding and hense my libido and erections started to slowly disappear. One of the reasons for our seperation was that she felt unloved because I didn't want sex as much and when we did I was making excuses to cut it short because I was so embarrassed about not being able to keep it up. At the lowest point of my life now, lost the love of my life and can't help thinking if I had just fought the SADness harder I might have made it work.

 

[skins]

Simple answer, yes. I was married for a year, currently been seperated for a couple of months. In the beginning there was no problems, probably because she was the most beautiful girl i ahd ever seen and she seemed to be completely in love with me, that gave me the feeling of being normail, i actually felt good about myself. But then the old problems starting to re-appear. My confidence started sliding and hense my libido and erections started to slowly disappear. One of the reasons for our seperation was that she felt unloved because I didn't want sex as much and when we did I was making excuses to cut it short because I was so embarrassed about not being able to keep it up. At the lowest point of my life now, lost the love of my life and can't help thinking if I had just fought the SADness harder I might have made it work.

thanks for sharing..its interesting hey, it does seem lobido in men is inversely related to the confidence we have about ourselves..like you, when i was with her and i felt she truely loved me and my confidence was sky high, i felt proud of myself to be with such a beautiful girl and this showed in the bedroom. when things changed in the relationship my lobido dropped and i couldn't recover from it... it sucks with E.D as the more it happens the more our confidence slides, the more our SAD shows, and the more E.D we suffer from..its a vicious cycle. you just have to take comfort in the fact that SAD is a part of us we can work on but can't be rid of..its a part of who we are, and has many negative consequences, and all we can do is accept it and learn to live with it..just like a quadrapreldgic has to learn with doing away with certain things an abled bodied person can achieve, so do we have to accept that some things are more difficult for us SAD sufferes to accumplish. doesn't mean we can't work on improving them...i used to be envious of girls during sex thinking, its so easy for them..all they have to do is lay there and moan a bit even if they are nervous it doesn't matter...it sucks to be a guy!

 

[fitftw]

What I hear is that if you can't get it up, she'll get it from someone else.

I have impotence issues as well. I'm horny constantly when I don't have a girlfriend, but as soon as I have one, my sex drive drops to like 10%

 

[Kinetik]

Well I'm not impotent but my sex drive has always been low. I've had a take it or leave it attitude towards sex for most of my life. I've noticed a similar thing to fitftw though - that once I'm with a girl, I'm barely interested in her. It's as if I'm more into the idea of sex than the act itself. I often prefer to fantasize than actually do it, and once familiarity sets in with someone, I'm turned off. Aside from that, I do think that my mind is often too occupied to be able to get into sex, and it usually seems like too much effort anyway. I feel that men are stereotyped into always wanting sex and behaving like mindless, dick-controlled drones in order to get it any way they can, and it's left me feeling out of place as I'm not like that in the least.

 

[fitftw]

^ yes society makes it seem like men just want to have sex all the time, and because of that, women expect their men to want sex all the time. So when it doesn't happen that way, women go crazy and either cheat, or dump you.

I've never been with a girl that was okay with my low sex drive.

 

[skins]

some good points there...it does also seem like society has made it a big issue for men to perform well in the bedroom whereas its not an issue for girls...also speaking personally for me i think interent porn has been a big factor in desreased sex drive with my partner, as my sexual fantasies end up being a far superior experience to the actuall experiance of sex itself and hence a big letdown. you might say well stop watching net porn, but being a red blooded male in the prime of my life, its not that easy.