I'm wasting my life

[curly_wurly]

I'm twenty years old and have AvPD. I dropped out of sixth form, and then dropped out of college. I'm now unemployed. My family isn't being all that supportive right now, I feel totally worthless and truly wish I hadn't been born most of the time. I just can't take that first step to get out into the real world, 'normal' people make it seem so easy...
I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm convinced I'll be always be alone. I'm gradually losing the few friends I have from school and college because I rarely go out. My family have lost all patience with me. I know what I should be doing to try and change things, but I can't bring myself to do it.
I'm pretty much at rock bottom right now and I can't see a way out.

 

[appletree]

thought i'd reply here, i sent you a message via messenger on this site but you may not have got it.
I just wanted to say that what you wrote in your message mirrors the way i am feeling and where i am in life pretty much word for word.
i know what you're going through so if you want to talk about it then i understand.

 

[JaneDoe]

hi fellow loners!

I am also 20 years old and I have dropped out of high school when I was 16. I don't work and I never leave my house. I am new to this website and I still can not believe that there are actually people out there like me. I have beyond wasted my life and keep my only friend and new friends I have made online on a distant with lies such as yeah I'm on vacation. Why do we hate ourselves like this? Is this our karma? I am so disappointed in myself and yet I keep on doing it every single second. I am fat and yet I do nothing to loose weight. I always say yeah tomorrow I'll start but I never really do. Owh but you probably don't relate to this. hi.

 

[curly_wurly]

Thanks for the replies. I always used to think I was the only person who was like this, it's a relief to know I'm not alone.
It's sad really, I'm sitting here at the computer trying to compose what I'm going to say, even here I'm worried about how I'll come across :roll:
My last post was pretty negative, I'm not always like that! Sometimes I feel more hopeful, and think that maybe I could perhaps get a little part time job, ease myself in gently, it'll be easy blah blah blah but when it comes to it I chicken out. I actually had a few weekend jobs as a teenager and they were pretty awful, I felt like a freak. I hate being known as 'the quiet one', I'm sure you know what I mean! Now I just can't bring myself to do it because I know what it'll be like, trying to make small talk with colleagues and by the end of my first day I know they'll think I'm a total weirdo. What I'd like is a job that involves as little contact with people as possible, but that wouldn't really help me get on better with people. Hate being like this... *grumble grumble*

 

[FaymeLevy]

Hello, and welcome to the site. I know how you feel..I dropped out at 14, and spent the next 2 years in the court system and mental hospitals. At 16, they dropped the case, and I was on my own..well, by on my own, I mean in the charge of my mother. Now im 24 and still just staying home all the time, doing nothing.

I don't really have any advice, as you can see, im not really in a position to give it. I just wanted to say hello and tell you that even though it doesnt seem like it, you are not alone. Its a very real condition that effects more people than the world seems to realize.

It was great finding this site. Whenever I start to have a panic attack, I just post on this site, and people make me feel better. I hope it will do the same for you.

 

[Tryin]

Too many people are wasting their lives away. But you don't have to. Do something productive today. Now. You can always make progresses. It's good that you are trying (or at least willing) to fix it. Welcome to the site, and good luck. Now, it's up to you.

 

[Ry]

I just want to say that I can relate to your situation because I'm in almost the same exact place. I'm also 20 and I failed out of college, mainly due to avoiding classes for anxiety-related reasons. I had plans involving travel but I just don't think I have the drive to go through with them. I'm unemployed and living at home, much to the chagrin of my parents and I really don't know what I'm going to do. It doesn't help that I have no friends to talk to and nowhere to turn for guidance that I can trust. It's difficult because it's hard for most people understand how I feel, and they just assume that I'm lazy or stupid.

I don't know how helpful this post is, but I just wanted to let you know that there's another person out there who knows what you're going through.

 

[Skog]

x

 

[shell_shocked]

I'm twenty years old and have AvPD. I dropped out of sixth form, and then dropped out of college. I'm now unemployed. My family isn't being all that supportive right now, I feel totally worthless and truly wish I hadn't been born most of the time. I just can't take that first step to get out into the real world, 'normal' people make it seem so easy...
I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm convinced I'll be always be alone. I'm gradually losing the few friends I have from school and college because I rarely go out. My family have lost all patience with me. I know what I should be doing to try and change things, but I can't bring myself to do it.
I'm pretty much at rock bottom right now and I can't see a way out.

you sound just like me. I'm 20 too, so that's three of us. I'm convinced I'm on the right forum now.

 

[stormygrey]

I'm 20 too, and can relate. it's frustrating.

 

[stormygrey]

I'm 20 too, and can relate. it's frustrating.

 

[Thelema]

If somebody believes they need help in education it cost me the huge sum of $25 to take 3 months of classes at the community college. I'm taking a GED class twice a week. Age doesn't matter. There are people in their 40s there and nobody cares. Go sign up now. It's really not scary once you get there.

 

[ramennoodle]

I can definitely relate. I'm 22 and have been social phobic as far back as I can remember (preschools years, even). In elementary and middle school, I was known as "the kid who didn't talk." Never really lasted to high school, as I would simply not go (or skip), though only formally dropping out at 17 and getting a GED. I'd used to fantasize about one day having a social life, friends, a GF, and such, but now I know that I was delusional. Oh well - it sucks having one's best years sucked away by this disease.

 

[jayo]

Self acceptance has to be the key here.
This means that you accept what you have at this point and move forward to improve it on your own terms for your own benefit.
When I had SP in my early 20s (34 now) I felt that I had this awful condition that one day would just go away.
No - what I should have done is say I have this problem - I need to go to a doctor - I need medication - I need CBT - I need to define a path forward into the light.

Don't suffer it - heal it - you deserve to feel better!!

 

[this-is-why-im-hot]

not meaning this how it sounds, coz enough people take what i say the wrong way, but all u need is a jolly kick up there arse, not horribly, but u need something just to give that ompth! to go out there and make something for urselfs. it seems like a long dark tunnel, but in hinesight, lif is too short seriously. i always think what would i want my grave to say? 'didnt really do alot?' lol.

see a doc. get some drugs. and then get urself into the world, yes it will scare the shit outa u, but exposure and practise is the only way.

and yes, i used to have similair problems, but am now fully 'normal' it is possible.

 

[recluse]

Hi. I'm 26 and when I see my peers who were in school and college with me on networking sites I get depressed because their live seems to be much fuller, and more established than mine. For example a lot of them are in relationships and have careers. It's embarassing because on my friends list I only have about four people and it makes me feel like a billy no mates. I feel like quitting networking sites at times.

I know how it feels being unemployed, I've been there. I have no doubt that us social phobes have it much harder in life, and I am bitter against people who are confident and seem to get ahead in life.

You'd be suprised at how many people have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. It seems to be seen as normal for people to have had their first at a young age but everyone is different. You are still young at 20, I am 26 and never been in a relationship and am a virgin, it used to bother me so much but now I'm more concerned about battling social phobia and atleast form friendships. One day you will find that special guy I promise you. Love turns up in unexpected places